HER LOW SELF-ESTEEM IS MAKING THIS RELATIONSHIP IMPOSSIBLE
She's great except for low self-esteem - but that's a DEALBREAKER!
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110: If They Can't Take Care Of Themselves, They Can't Take Care Of You
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During one of my failing relationships I came across your articles on the web and promptly bought “The System” audio book. It was like pieces of the puzzle coming together and all the dots were finally connecting -- it really clicked.
I entered the dating game late in my twenties and your book made it possible to negate my lack of experience, helped me tone down my ego, and work towards being a better person. I’ve become more observant with women and even had to end some relationships, which in the past I could only dream of doing.
A year ago I met Taylor, a nice, well-mannered and talented lady five years my junior with nearly zero romantic baggage. After a couple of months and a dozen dates I heard “I love you” from a woman for the first time in my life.
I treated Taylor with respect and followed your book. However, my unwillingness to chat excessively between dates, spill my guts and especially say “I love you” back, bothered her. Instead, I made jokes and kept it light and easy.
I came to discover that Taylor has low Self-Esteem. After my thirtieth birthday party with a few close and mostly married friends, she suddenly broke into tears and told me that she doesn’t deserve me and feels inferior to my friends’ confident and wise wives. I calmed her down with kind words, but my Interest Level was going south fast. That day I put on hold the idea of moving in with her. We had a difficult talk during which she told me that she wants me to be happy and assured me that she works on her Self-Esteem and will be better.
Doc, I’m at loss here, I care about Taylor. We share many interests and frequently experience fantastic discussions about arts and culture. She is a Giver and I see that she loves me deeply, but my romantic feelings nearly hit the bottom when she fell apart on me. But the thought that I will never find another girl as loving and educated as Taylor troubles me as well.
What should I do?
Bayard - who doesn’t want to make a mistake
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DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
It’s great for you, obviously, that you got my book. What “The System” does is lift the fog so that you are no longer confused by women. Do you realize what a tremendous advantage it is to no longer be flummoxed by the opposite sex?
Now you’ve actually ended some relationships on your own. Look at how much power “The System” packs! Bayard, you are now seeing things far beyond what the average guy sees. This of course give you a distinct advantage over all of the competition.
Congratulations, my friend, you finally got you first “I love you!” But here’s the problem. Women think that you constantly have to be on the telephone between dates. What they don’t realize is that studies have shown that BODY LANGUAGE is 50% to 60% of the relationship. To you Psych majors, when you chat on the phone you don’t see any body language. Like the old Chinese saying goes, “Talking on the phone is really not true communication.” The telecom companies have brainwashed people into thinking that the phone is the most important object in their lives. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Most folks would rather give up their dog than their phone.”
Why didn't you sign up for my free 7-day dating course yet? Did you not understand the word FREE?
Taylor’s breakdown was an ENORMOUS Red Flag. As good as your relationship with her is, the problem is...
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I was in the exact same situation. I am also approaching 30, I digested all of your material over several years, and had to drop a stunning woman because of her low self esteem.
It pained me, but her occasional outbursts were too much, and thanks to The System, I could see that things would only get much worse the longer we stayed together.
After leaving her, I had to reflect on the decision for months, and I finally understand there is no cure for this. Its a part of life, and acceptance of the truth is the only way.
Like Doc says, it will be easier to spot the next one.
Great stuff – thanks for writing