BEG HER TO BE EXCLUSIVE?
THE SYSTEM says that she should be asking you to be exclusive but he didn't pay attention to that and begged her to be his girl - not good...
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I’ve been seeing Mimi for four months. We hang out, I’ve met her family, her family loves me, and I go over to their house all the time. Her friends tell me that Mimi likes me a lot too. But Mimi won’t get exclusive with me yet. She tells me that she is still not ready because she needs to find herself. She had a seven-year-long relationship that she says she is over but is trying to get herself back.
My problem is that I’ve spilled my guts to this girl. Maybe I’ve told her too much. But on the other hand, she’s the one always initiating texts or phone calls and if she doesn’t hear from me for a couple hours or more she gets “texty” and asks if everything is okay and so on. She always asks me to hang out, and that ratio is like 70-30, with her doing most of the asking.
A few days ago I told Mimi that I couldn’t go on anymore without exclusivity. She responded that she’d like to have me in her life but that I have to give her time. If I can’t, then she doesn’t know what to tell me. I asked her why she couldn’t call me her boyfriend and she didn’t have a straight answer. She said that she wasn’t sure why, and that she needs to take her time and not rush things. She said that one thing about me that bothers her is that I’m moody, but I told her I’m moody because I don’t understand her and why we are not exclusive.
Afterwards we agreed to go with the flow and see where things go. I’ve read part of your book, but I just need coaching on how to make things go faster or help me keep her Interest Level high and wanting me more. I just get so frustrated and worried that it won’t go the way I want it to and I’ve never felt like this about anyone my whole life.
Bartlett - who needs to move things along
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Okay. You say that you hang out all the time with Mimi and her family. Stop right here. You’re absolutely slaughtering CHALLENGE by being so available. And you’re not supposed to meet her family for at least six months and she’s your girlfriend. Another thing -- don’t go over to her family’s house. You’re only supposed to go out on dates with Mimi – and just her.
And like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Any girl that needs to find herself is a cuckoo.” That line -- “I’ve got to find myself” -- is one of the favorite lines a young woman uses when she has low Interest Level in a guy. What she’s really telling you is that her interest is not as high as yours. If you asked a hundred people what “getting myself back” meant, not one of them could tell you. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “It’s a nonsensical statement.”
Now, why did you spill your guts to Mimi? Man, you spilled your guts to someone who won’t be your girlfriend. What sense does that make? And do you really think that begging raises Interest Level?
WHAT??? YOU didn't sign up for my free 7-day dating course yet? Did you not understand the word FREE?
When Mimi asks if everything is okay, she’s chasing you. The problem is that you don’t know how to say NO to Mimi. And it’s simple, my friend: just say NO. To you Psych majors, when you say NO to a girl, IT ACTUALLY RAISES INTEREST LEVEL. That’s what you don’t get, Bartlett. You think that saying yes raises interest, but it’s just the opposite. The word YES is anti-Challenge. And you have no Self-Control.
But even after all the time you spend with Mimi, she wants you to give her more. You already gave her four months and you can’t even get to be her boyfriend! It’s not like you’re asking her to get married, guy. The real problem here is that YOUR INTEREST LEVEL IS 95% and HERS IS 55%. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “She’s just using you because you have a male body.”
Of course Mimi isn’t going to give you a straight answer about why she won’t be exclusive with you. She doesn’t know “The System.” She can’t come right out and say to you “I have low Interest Level!”
When you told Mimi that you were moody because you don’t...
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