HER LOW SELF-ESTEEM IS MAKING THIS RELATIONSHIP IMPOSSIBLE
She's great except for low self-esteem - but that's a DEALBREAKER!
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Dating Women Podcast #110
110: If They Can't Take Care Of Themselves, They Can't Take Care Of You
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During one of my failing relationships I came across your articles on the web and promptly bought “The System” audio book. It was like pieces of the puzzle coming together and all the dots were finally connecting -- it really clicked.
I entered the dating game late in my twenties and your book made it possible to negate my lack of experience, helped me tone down my ego, and work towards being a better person. I’ve become more observant with women and even had to end some relationships, which in the past I could only dream of doing.
A year ago I met Taylor, a nice, well-mannered and talented lady five years my junior with nearly zero romantic baggage. After a couple of months and a dozen dates I heard “I love you” from a woman for the first time in my life.
I treated Taylor with respect and followed your book. However, my unwillingness to chat excessively between dates, spill my guts and especially say “I love you” back, bothered her. Instead, I made jokes and kept it light and easy.
I came to discover that Taylor has low Self-Esteem. After my thirtieth birthday party with a few close and mostly married friends, she suddenly broke into tears and told me that she doesn’t deserve me and feels inferior to my friends’ confident and wise wives. I calmed her down with kind words, but my Interest Level was going south fast. That day I put on hold the idea of moving in with her. We had a difficult talk during which she told me that she wants me to be happy and assured me that she works on her Self-Esteem and will be better.
Doc, I’m at loss here, I care about Taylor. We share many interests and frequently experience fantastic discussions about arts and culture. She is a Giver and I see that she loves me deeply, but my romantic feelings nearly hit the bottom when she fell apart on me. But the thought that I will never find another girl as loving and educated as Taylor troubles me as well.
What should I do?
Bayard - who doesn’t want to make a mistake
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
It’s great for you, obviously, that you got my book. What “The System” does is lift the fog so that you are no longer confused by women. Do you realize what a tremendous advantage it is to no longer be flummoxed by the opposite sex?
Now you’ve actually ended some relationships on your own. Look at how much power “The System” packs! Bayard, you are now seeing things far beyond what the average guy sees. This of course give you a distinct advantage over all of the competition.
Congratulations, my friend, you finally got you first “I love you!” But here’s the problem. Women think that you constantly have to be on the telephone between dates. What they don’t realize is that studies have shown that BODY LANGUAGE is 50% to 60% of the relationship. To you Psych majors, when you chat on the phone you don’t see any body language. Like the old Chinese saying goes, “Talking on the phone is really not true communication.” The telecom companies have brainwashed people into thinking that the phone is the most important object in their lives. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Most folks would rather give up their dog than their phone.”
Why didn't you sign up for my free 7-day dating course yet? Did you not understand the word FREE?
Taylor’s breakdown was an ENORMOUS Red Flag. As good as your relationship with her is, the problem is that you’re going to have to live with her emotional issues. If you’re 30 years young, when you marry her you’ll be living with her until you’re 85. So you’re talking 55 years – or most of your life – with someone who doesn’t dig herself, doesn’t like to be alone, and, when she’s around your friends, is going to make them feel uncomfortable even though she’s just as intelligent and educated as they are. Dude, you have no control over this, therefore you cannot continue seeing Taylor.
“The System” says that you don’t move in with a girl. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Most people don’t realize that the divorce rate is higher for people who move in together.” Taylor might tell you that she’s working on herself and will be better, but like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “They don’t change.”
What really happened here is that a HUGE RED FLAG appeared when Taylor lost it on you. She’s not a bad person, but she’s just not good material for a long-term relationship, and unless you want to play her girlfriend and psychiatrist for the rest of your life – which you won’t want to do – this thing can’t go on. As a result of her issues, your Interest Level is going to drop. So Taylor has what we call SCARS. And they can’t be overcome.
Remember the 90/10 rule, my friend. You look for the 10% that’s bad with a woman and 90% that’s good. With Taylor’s Self-Esteem so low, you’ve got more than 10% bad here, sorry to say. And that’s why you have to drop her.
Remember, guys: if she doesn’t like herself, she never will.