DEALING WITH HER WEIGHT
THE SYSTEM says that she is sensitive about her weight - even though she is starting to get out of shape and he's worried about her health, there is a right and a wrong way to broach the subject...
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Dating Women Podcast #241:
Why you only do 3-4 messages MAX online before offering to meet
HAVE YOU PLUGGED INTO YOUR FREEBIES YET?
I happened to stumble across your columns when I was surfing for love advice and I thought you might be able to help me.
Jeanna and I have been dating for several years. I’ve tried to get her to marry me on occasion, but she seems content with the way things are. I still nudge her about it from time to time, but since it never works, I’ve given up and now just accept our relationship for what it is. I’m 50, by the way, and she’s 46 and we’ve both abandoned the idea of having kids, so I guess it’s no big deal.
My problem is Jeanna’s weight. Her job is very stressful. When her duties become particularly nerve-wracking, she has a tendency to overeat – donuts, pizza, pastrami sandwiches and the like, and to do it on the run with no thought for nutrition. Then she comes home and has a few drinks to unwind. On top of it all, she might not work out at the gym for weeks on end.
Lately I’ve noticed that her weight is spiraling out of control. Her belly and butt are starting to get very flabby and she can’t fit into her clothes anymore. I’ve tried to make very subtle suggestions to Jeanna about this mess but she doesn’t pick up on them, doesn’t care, or can’t help herself.
So my question is this: how can I deal with this? I don’t want the poor woman dropping dead of a heart attack or a stroke. Like most females, she’s very sensitive about her appearance. Furthermore, the last thing she needs is me nagging her.
What do you think I should do? What can I say to her that she won’t interpret as an insult?
Thanks for your help, Doc.
Gene - who’s starting to wonder if he should look elsewhere
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DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
Whether or not you know it, your problem is right there in the second paragraph of your letter. It has nothing to do with what comes later. You’ve got an Interest Level problem here, pal – hers, not yours.
When a woman has 95% Interest Level, a guy doesn’t have to talk her into anything. You asked this girl a bunch of times to marry you and she rebuffed you. If she’s not saying yes, it’s because her Interest Level isn’t in the 90s. And that’s where your basic problem is with Jeanna.
That said, accepting your relationship with her for what it is, is fine in itself. Hey, if you guys get along and have a great time and she doesn’t want to get married, there’s nothing wrong with the arrangement. Just make sure your Interest Level isn’t any higher than 55% or you’re going to be continually frustrated by an unbalanced relationship – you’re into it, and she’s only half into it.
Look, it’s okay for Jeanna to gorge herself as long as she’s doing it with carrots or broccoli, or she’s taking 10 strawberries to work in a plastic bag rather than a Hershey’s chocolate bar or salami and provolone submarine sandwich. Her problem isn’t overeating; it’s the types of food she’s eating.
So you don’t want to...
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Flexible ❌ (Being content with the way things are and no or little will or desire to change current state.)
(Picky and difficult a variation of structured-anti-flexible)
❌Interest Level (Degree of love isn’t 90%, 95% or 100%
Likely (60%-70% low and weak will make for a rough road unless it’s the very start of relationship.
❌Unhealthy habits (sedentary, unwilling to push oneself with even moderate levels of continuous physical activity often, unhealthy eating and drinking habits, lack of will power, drive, motivation, desire, focus and vision to become firm, strong, physically fit , healthy, slim, trim, and sexy.
She should want to look excellent for herself and her partner as well.
❌Part of giving as well.
Sadly obesity often leads to health problems as well.
Not sure 🤔 ☁️ if she can be fixed.
Possibly buy her weight
loss pills, tummy tuck and liposuction. Thousands of dollars and she may not even accept it.
Try to take her exercising with him and eat mostly fruits and vegetables (she may fight him on that), “Oh I don’t like lettuce, broccoli or carrots).
I’m in too much pain, My feet, my my ankles, my lower back, my knee.(1 mile to 3mile moderate Jogging, and brisk walks together 2-3x a week).
Light to moderate dumbbell training. “Oh I don’t feel like it.”
Sadly if she’s not willing to help herself there’s likely nothing he can do. It hurts I know from experience. Can’t play the change game most of the time.
Better to not go out with someone who has more problems, scars, and baggage, and issues than you do.
If a scenario like this occurs, may have to accept her as is or leave? Right?
Thanks for writing David – in terms of what your questions “accept or leave” that is correct – and there is no right answer for any guy. Some guys can date a woman that smokes; some can’t…some guys want an athletic woman; some don’t care…some guys want a woman with kids; some don’t. As I always say that if you get married or are in a relationship with her you could end up spending 40+ years together so it is UP TO YOU as to what you will or won’t accept in a partner (same for her as well). My job is to ensure that you recognize that fact and then if you do want to keep the relationship then my https://www.doclove.com/system is there to give you your best chance of keeping her in love.