HE COMPLETELY MISREAD THE SIGNALS FROM HIS COWORKER
THE SYSTEM says that you have to grasp reality in dating - this guy is doing anything but...
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HAVE YOU PLUGGED INTO YOUR FREEBIES YET?
The girl of my affection is a secretary at the company I work for, where I’m one of the senior employees. Caitlin is 25 and I’m 32. We talked for the first time at a party. I had bought a new phone and she started playing around with it, using it to take pictures of me and the other guests. She said, “I see my phone number is missing from your address book. I’ll add it,” and then she typed in her number.
To me this indicated high Interest Level. But a couple days later I learned that Caitlin has a boyfriend. This confused me a bit, but I still proceeded to invite her on a date. While driving home afterwards, I made the big mistake of talking about one of my past relationships that ended in a “let’s just be friends” disaster. (I did not own “The System” at the time.) I’m sure this is what made Caitlin’s Interest Level drop very quickly. She then sent me a small book called Friendship. The next day I told her that I had to forget her. She said that “maybe” we could become more than friends in the future. I mostly ignored her from then on.
A couple months later Caitlin left her boyfriend. We started seeing each other again. Suddenly she was sending me all kinds of buying signals (holding my hand, visiting me in my office every day, looking for excuses to be with me more, etc.). We went out on a couple of dates that always ended nicely, but I did not go in for the kiss. I had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right, and that feeling stopped me from going in.
Two weeks ago, I went on a vacation to Africa. While I was away, Caitlin cared for my dog. She drove me to the airport and also picked me up when I returned (she had to take a day off to do that). Two days later, my best friend at work told me that Caitlin told him that she has a new boyfriend, another guy from our office, but that my friend was not to share this information with anyone. Of course she knew he’d tell me.
I know I won’t be able to avoid seeing Caitlin at the office. I’m confused all over again. Was it a mistake not to go in for the kiss? Was she waiting for me to kiss her? Or was she just playing with me, using me as a stopgap measure until something better -- a new boyfriend -- came along?
Hank - who’s back to collecting phone numbers
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
How can you say that one item – just one, single item – indicates high Interest Level? You need 60 items, guy! You can’t use just one buying signal, you need TONS of them. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “Dude, you’re a little too happy to jump on any scrap of affection. Didn’t your mommy love you when you were a little kid?”
That said, it’s good that you got Caitlin out on a date despite the rumor of a boyfriend. Because you want to hear about this other guy directly from her lips. You don’t want to hear it from a stranger, or worse, from a blocker.
I’ve told you guys over and over NOT TO TALK ABOUT OTHER WOMEN OR PAST FAILED RELATIONSHIPS IN THE EARLY STAGES OF DATING. But since you didn’t own “The System” at the time, you’re off the hook. But pal, keep it in mind in the future – it’ll save you lots of anguish.
The real issue though, is not that your blabbing made Caitlin’s shaky Interest Level drop quickly -- it’s HOW FAR you made it...
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