SHE WAS SORRY - 2ND CHANCE OR NO SECOND CHANCE?
THE SYSTEM says you need to "believe it now" when they pull nonsense on you and that's exactly what this guy did when deciding if she deserved a 2nd chance after blowing him off (you can guess what way he leaned).
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Wanting Ms. Right is fine - when you "need" her then you are in trouble.
HAVE YOU PLUGGED INTO YOUR FREEBIES YET?
I’m looking for some advice regarding whether or not I should give a woman a second chance to make a first impression after I was stood up on our very first date.
I met Pamela on Match.com. When I told (not asked) her that she should join me on Thursday evening at a local brewery and then come along to see a new exhibit at an art gallery, she said she loved the idea and the direct approach I used with her to set precise plans. (All of this was accomplished via e-mail; I was waiting to meet Pamela face to face before asking for her phone number.)
A couple of days later Pamela learned that she’d landed a prime apartment and would need to begin packing for the move to her new place. She asked if we could change our date to a week later, and I agreed to her counteroffer.
To make a long story short, she was a no-show for the make-up date. I e-mailed her the next morning, told her how disappointed I was and that I was looking for a woman who demonstrates Integrity when it comes to keeping her commitments. A woman who truly possesses class and consideration would have either kept our commitment to meet, or let me know she wasn’t interested.
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Here’s what she wrote back: “Oh my god, I am so incredibly sorry! You know I just moved and everything is scattered this week. I have never stood up a human being in my entire life and would never intentionally do so. I cannot apologize enough, or stress enough how sincere my regrets are. If you can forgive me, I’d love to make it up to you.”
Doc, intuitively, I’m done with this woman. Here are some key reasons why: 1) There is no specific reason given for her oversight, other than to say, “everything is scattered this week.” 2) I’m assuming Pamela has an electronic paper trail of our communiqués sitting in her inbox that could easily act as a set of reminders for our date. 3) Pamela says she’d “love to make it up to me,” but makes no commitment towards specifics or how she plans to do so. Wouldn’t a woman of true class and consideration put some effort into helping me forgive her via a new set of date plans? 4) As you say, a woman with a high Interest Level doesn’t forget a date with a man she’s keenly interested in meeting, right?
Doc, do I give Pamela a second chance?
Anderson - who would rather not get burned again
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
Let me ask you a question. Was the city working on sewers the day you got stood up by Pamela? Maybe they forgot to put up a MEN AT WORK sign and the poor girl fell into an open manhole, thereby rendering her unable to make your date. Right. But the odds of that happening were better than a girl with high Interest Level breaking a date.
When Pamela paid you a compliment on your date-planning ability, it was a red flag if I ever saw one. As the old saying goes, “Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.” Some women will compliment you when they have low Interest Level. It’s a purely off-the-cuff remark that has no basis in reality. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “She’s softening you up for what she’s going to pull on you later.”
Going for her phone number when you were face to face with Pamela was certainly the right idea, except that you missed one crucial step, my friend. You were supposed to do Starbucks with her first before dragging her out to paint the town. Anderson, you had no time in with this girl. Not even one second. You didn’t meet her at a business convention and talk to her for 45 minutes over coffee, or go out to lunch with her before asking for the home phone number. You had nothing. Like my cousin General Love says, “You committed the fatal error of counting your chickens before they hatched.”
Now think about what happened next. Pamela would rather pack dusty old books in boxes than be with a man she’s supposedly going to be in love with. She’d rather wrap up her kitchen utensils than spend time with the man she would want to be the father of her kids.
So now this girl has stood you up a second time. Let’s...
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