DO YOU EVER MEET HER CHILDREN?
THE SYSTEM says that there is a proper time to meet her children - it's later than you think.
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I’ve been a student of “The System” for eight years now and it has been one of the best things I’ve ever done. I’m the only one my friends come to now whenever they have relationship issues. I always refer them to “The System” and tell them that in order to grasp what I’m saying to them they MUST buy your book.
Here’s my question. If a guy has been dating Caprice for 60 days and her Interest Level is high and there are no major Red Flags, shouldn’t the guy meet her child to see if the situation is something he truly wants? I would not consider this a group date, but since the child is part of the package deal, just as Caprice’s Attitude and Flexibility are, I would think it’s a good idea that they meet, even if the guy is being introduced only as a friend.
Yes, I understand that if the guy is unsure about kids he should not date a woman with kids, but if he is open to it, then he should meet the child because not all children are the same. You have mentioned not liking the fact that the guy is meeting the child and you’ve stated something like, “You can’t marry her until her son is out of the house.” Based on that, when is the right time for the guy to meet the child?
As in everything, there are always a lot of “what if” scenarios. For instance, let’s say the guy has been dating Caprice for a year and hasn’t met the child, and then the relationship grows to two years, then the time comes when they are getting married. Do you suggest that the guy still keep away from the child? Or does the guy date Caprice for 11 years until the child is 18 before talking marriage?
The reason I’m asking, Doc, is because I happen to be in the above situation and don’t want to make any blunders.
Preston - who goes strictly by your rules
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER IN A SECOND BUT FIRST...
No, the man shouldn’t meet Caprice’s child in order to figure out if it’s what he really wants. Why? Because Caprice has an ex-husband. And that’s the problem here. When you show up at Caprice’s house, her young kid will say, “Mommy, who is this guy?”
Even if the guy – you, in this case – is introduced as nothing more than a friend, Caprice will be talking to you affectionately or she’ll give you a kiss, and the kid will pick up the vibe and KNOW that you are more than a friend. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “They’re a lot smarter than you think.”
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And a young child will be threatened by the intrusion of an outsider. He or she will be thinking, “What does this strange guy want with my mommy?” So remember that when a child is only five, or seven, you’re nothing but an outsider. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “They don’t want to see you, and they certainly don’t want to see you with your arm around their mama.” So this is the part you’re missing here, Preston. That’s why it’s best that if you meet a woman and her kids are 16 or 17, which means that in only a couple of years they will be out of the house and you’ll be in a better situation.
When is the best time to meet a child? Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “When the Bekins truck is there to move the kid out of the house!” The point is that an 18-year-old can handle the fact that his mother is dating another guy who is not his or her daddy. But when they’re younger, it does damage to the child. And to you Psych majors, if a kid says “who the heck is this guy?” or they don’t want you around, then they are NEVER going to accept you. So the later you meet the kids, preferably...
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