WHY DIDN'T HE ASK HER OUT???
THE SYSTEM says that YOU NEED TO CLOSE and for some reason he didn't. She was all over him, asking him out and he never went for it. Not attracted to her? NOPE! Just didn't close. Do not make the same mistake.
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I’ve been reading your articles and find them informative.
I work as a school teacher and five months ago Sheila arrived. We immediately became friendly and work together very well. She’s 52 and I’m 49. She has two kids and has been divorced for many years. Her first week at school, she told someone in the building that I was nice and she liked me. As the days went on we started to work more hand in hand.
Sheila comes across as very needy. She’s opened up to me on many occasions about the tragedies in her life. I’ve listened to all of her stories and do have sympathy for her. She constantly invites me to her office for coffee and when she goes out to lunch she will buy me coffee and expects me to have it with her.
In the mornings we see each other and sometimes we kiss. Sheila is the touchy type. She constantly touches me on the hands and shoulders and even holds my hand. I don’t see her doing this with anyone else. When I am with her in her office she looks directly into my eyes. She likes to cross and un-cross her legs. Once when I said goodbye to her, she put her arms around me and just started kissing me.
Now people at work are starting to talk, and Sheila seemed to like this. On the last day of school, she gave me several kisses and said we’re going to have to go out and do something more than coffee.
So now three weeks have passed and I haven’t heard from Sheila. I’m really attracted to her and we have much in common. Now here’s my dilemma. I haven’t called her for three weeks even though I think about her often. But when I checked her Facebook page, she posted that she is in a relationship. She never let on that she was seeing someone. She also doesn’t mention who this person is. During the school year we were in constant contact, but now that we’re on vacation, there’s no contact, even though she said we would get together. I haven’t called her because of this development. What should I do?
Sacha - who doesn’t know what to think
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As soon as Sheila told someone at school that she liked you, you should have asked her out and stayed away from her at the workplace as much as possible. You don’t know why you should stay away from her at school because you don’t have “The System,” but since you work together, you don’t want to be bumping into her all the time.
Okay, so Sheila is needy and you definitely don’t want to be involved with a needy woman. Secondly, you don’t want to be playing her psychiatrist and that’s exactly what you’re doing. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “When you’re her psychiatrist, you’ll never be her boyfriend.”
Sheila might want you to have coffee with her, but you’re not dating her. You are seeing her strictly at school, but why aren’t you asking her out? And why aren’t you telling her that you don’t want to be buddy-buddy at work with her and that you don’t want anyone to know about your relationship? You didn’t bring those important points up with her because you don’t have my book.
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And why are you kissing this woman at work, dude? Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Hey man, you could lose your job over something like that.” You don’t make out with another teacher at school. You kiss her on her doorstep on the second date. That’s the first time you kiss her. You’re doing it at your workplace, Sacha! What’s the matter with you?
When Sheila was touching you all over, you should have said, “This is nice, but let’s go out on a date and then you can touch me all over my body.” And when she started just kissing you, you still didn’t ask her out. You have to be seeing this woman on the outside of work, my friend, and getting her out of the school environment.Of course people at work are talking – you two were being too obvious. You should have told Sheila to keep her hands off you and pretend that she didn’t know you and you’ll date on the outside and see what happens. Then she told you that the two of you had to go somewhere outside of school and do more than coffee, and you still didn’t ask her out! Sacha, YOU DIDN’T CLOSE THE DEAL. You dropped the ball!. And all because you don’t have “The System.”
Think you have what it takes to succeed by just reading these articles? You don't - these articles give you an insight into how I think but you need my book so if you really want to be successful with women you need THE SYSTEM. Still not convinced? Read my "YOU CHANGED MY LIFE" letters.
So now Sheila’s in a relationship with somebody else and you’re shocked. In other words, while you were kissing her at school, she was kissing somebody else outside of school. Maybe you had the inside track on this other guy, but you never asked Sheila out and the other guy did, and that’s why he ended up in a relationship with her and...
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Greetings Doc Love…Woohoo, I love this stuff…all that was need after that was a Mic drop – BOOM.
It’s been a long time since I’ve checked out your advice column, but I see you are still dropping gems of dating wisdom.
When reading the above situation I knew almost exactly what you’d say because I have read and recommended The System to more than a few men over the years, and each one of them has bought it and been very grateful for the suggestion.
Well done as usual Doc and Thanks.
Thanks Paul – a lot has changed since you last were here – some things to look at:
http://www.datingwomenpodcast.com – I now have a weekly podcast
http://www.datingwomenradioshow.com – Weekly radio show too
http://www.docloveclub.com – all radio shows stored, members only articles – literally hundreds of hours of audio and hundreds of articles for MEMBERS ONLY
https://www.doclove.com/system is in immediate download format now (audio and PDF)
https://www.doclove.com/mastery has 4 editions (Mastery I, II, III, IV)
https://www.doclove.com/phone_coaching for if you ever want to talk in private
Paragraph 8 is from a previous column:
“Let me explain something else to you. You say that with Brandy…….”
That’s from your answer to a different guy.
Thank you sir! I fixed it – much appreciated.