4TH TIME IS THE CHARM? UGH...
THE SYSTEM says that you can't go back but my man gave it a whirl 3x already over the last few decades and he's seriously considering plunge #4 with the same woman. Umm...can you say CLUELESS?
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Dating Women Podcast #136
136: When Dating Women Stay Open To The Possibilities Because You Never Know When Ms. Right Will Pop Up
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Here's my history. I want to know if I'm crazy to try again.
Age 15: I met Heather at school. She was Beautiful and funny and the life of the party. She was my best friend, and God, we had so many good times.
Age 18: I wanted to fly in the military, and we tried to make it work for a while but she didn’t want that lifestyle, but it was the only career I’d ever wanted so we split up.
Age 22: I got injured and medically discharged from the military. She came back from travelling in Africa to be at my hospital bedside, and we got back together really quickly.
Age 24: I proposed to Heather. I wanted to marry her, I wanted kids, I wanted a white picket fence! But she just wasn’t ready and felt like we were still too young. Maybe she was right, because our relationship never recovered from that and we split up!
Age 27: I randomly bumped into Heather in a service station. She told me she was getting married. I told her I was happy for her. We had that whole we-really-should-catch-up-one-day conversation and then she walked away. But I ran back to her and told her we had to talk. So we had coffee, which turned into lunch. Then after two weeks of being back in contact, she called off her wedding. We got back together within a month. We then spent the best six years of my life together. We had a son when we were 29 and we were genuinely very happy for most of that time.
Age 33: We broke up again. The saddest part is that I don’t even know what went wrong. I solidly believe we still loved each other but it just seemed to fall apart. My brother was killed and we suffered a miscarriage within a year, and we took it hard. The weird thing was that this time it was easier breaking up. But I never felt like it was the end for us. I felt like we were meant to be and that we’d end up as two old crazies in our rocking chairs.
But as time went on the split became more real. We had different homes and a custody agreement for our son. I’ve got a new relationship, a real keeper and only the second girl in my life that I’ve ever said “I love you” to and meant it! I can see a future for us.
Now I’m 35 and about to move in with my girlfriend and my ex is telling me that she still loves me, that she wants us to be a family and that she can’t let the opportunity to tell me that slip away and spend a lifetime with what-ifs. Now my head is a mess! I love Heather. I’ve never stopped loving her. But is that enough to go back there all over again? I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life never being with her. But I also don’t want to spend a lifetime stuck in this never-ending cycle where I just can’t live without her but I can’t live with her either. Doc, how many times do you keep trying to make something work?
Jaylen - who feels exhausted from the drama
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER IN A SECOND BUT FIRST...
First of all, when the two of you parted when you went into the military, you didn’t “split up.” Heather dropped you. You shouldn’t have gotten back together when you were injured because you two were already finished. As “The System” says, ONE SHOT PER GIRL PER LIFETIME.
When you proposed to Heather at 24, you neglected to mention HER high Interest Level. Where was that Interest Level, pal? I know that yours was high, but where was hers? At 24, you’re not too young, and neither was Heather. What really happened was that she had LOW INTEREST in you and therefore didn’t want to marry you. And that’s why she balked. Since you don’t have my book, you don’t understand that. You know nothing whatsoever about the fluctuations of Interest Level.
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Now think about what happened next. Heather called off an engagement with her fiance to go back to someone she’d already broken up with twice! Then you got back together with her and had a son, but she wasn’t in love with you, and that was the problem. That’s why you broke up with Heather at age 33, but you don’t know it, because you don’t have my materials and you’re clueless.
Then you say that you loved each other but it just fell apart. You’re contradicting yourself, Jaylen. To you Psych majors, when you love each other, it DOESN’T fall apart. Let me explain something to you, guy. Losing a child is hard and a very big deal, but it doesn’t lower Interest Level. Only YOU can lower her Interest Level.
You might think that you and Heather are going to end up together, but she doesn’t feel the same say. Your Interest Level is 85%, but hers is only 55%.
Think you have what it takes to succeed by just reading these articles? You don't - these articles give you an insight into how I think but you need my book so if you really want to be successful with women you need THE SYSTEM. Still not convinced? Read my "YOU CHANGED MY LIFE" letters.
Now Heather is telling you that she can’t let you slip away. Dude, you’re going with a yo-yo here – back and forth and up and down. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “You should never have met this woman.” This woman has ruined your life. Now you’re 35 years young and you started off with her all the way back in high school. It’s never worked with her and it never will. She’s no good, but in her defense, you don’t know a thing about women!
No, you can never go back. And let me point out that you just told another woman that you loved her. You don’t even know who you love, Jaylen!
The answer to your question is that you don’t keep trying to make something work that doesn’t work. And in your case, in all this time -- 20 long years since you met Heather – you could have met five or 10 fantastic women, but you never fell out of love with her. And again, the problem was that she was NEVER deeply in love with you. Her Interest Level never matched yours. So she was just a big waste of time. After the age of 18, it was over, but you didn’t have my book, so you didn’t know what to do – a real tragedy for you.
Remember, guys: no matter what you think, you can’t go back.