DUDE, SHE'S TRYING TO GO OUT WITH YOU!
THE SYSTEM says that you shouldn't let yourself get played BUT REMEMBER THAT YOU YOURSELF HAVE TO BE FLEXIBLE too - sometimes when you're in the dating scene things with her won't fit into a neat little box - schedules may be off, she may prefer to communicate online instead of the phone, etc. YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO GO WITH THE FLOW and really understand what she's telling you so you know if she's truly interested or not. Unfortunately our man below totally missed her buying signals.
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Dating Women Podcast #128
128: When Dating Women NEVER Give Them The Idea That You Like Them A Lot Or You Will HURT Your Chances
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I am 27, an advanced student and would love some feedback on a matter which has MANY interesting layers to it and will probably be very useful for all advanced students!
I am an attractive and sought-after guy who is very successful with women (thanks to “The System”). I’ve been dancing tango, where you invite through eye contact a different partner to dance every 10-12 minutes. I met an absolutely gorgeous girl, April, 24, danced with her for 15 minutes, and decided to ask for her number, after I received some buying signals between songs.
I always go for the number because I want to practice for the next girl. Do you think it’s okay to take her out anyway, even if it’s just practice? She said “Do you have Facebook?” which I translated as “My interest is lower than 50%.” I responded with “Well, that’s a bit personal, isn’t it? Let’s start with the number first!” To which she said: “Okay, I just don’t know my cell number, that’s why I suggested Facebook.” Which I translated as: “I don’t want to go out with you (but I want to friend-zone you because you’re a good dancer.)” I pushed it even further to test her. I pointed at her phone, which was in her hands: “Then just put my number into that and call me.” She agreed. So this girl is giving me mixed signals.
Two days later she texted and asked me to a Tango event. I accepted, then, not wanting to waste an opportunity, asked her out for dinner. She said “Let’s make it coffee, not dinner.” My interpretation was: I’m out. She is trying to befriend me.
I then withdrew my offer. Here’s the interesting part: she offered, right after my withdrawal, that we should meet and tango as dancing partners. I replied that I’m not looking for dancing partners, as I have more of them then I can count. She was in complete shock! She even said “Oh, I don’t know what to say.” I hung up and flushed her number down the toilet. Twenty minutes later, she texted: “I’m not looking for dance partners either. I just wanted to suggest something to meet you one of these days. See you around.”
Doc, how do you interpret this sudden turn of events? I still don’t believe she was sincere.
Brucie - who wants an interpretation from the master
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER IN A SECOND BUT FIRST...
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While you always want to be practicing for the next girl, you have to be open to a date with the one you’re practicing on! In other words, the one you’re practicing on might very well be the next girl. And you’re not going to practice on someone that you’re not interested in, right? So are you telling me here that you have low Interest Level in April? To you Psych majors, you don’t take girls out when you have low Interest Level. When I said that you have to practice, it means that if you like the girl, odds are it’s only going to be practice because the relationship won’t work out anyway. So you’ve misinterpreted my words, pal.
When April asked if you had Facebook, it might have meant that Facebook is how she likes to communicate, and you mistakenly took it as low interest. In other words you were reading too much into it, Brucie. And you should have had April just call you and you would have had her number when you saw it. Simple. On the other hand, when you told her to call you, you gave up control. So now you’re sitting around hoping for her to call you, so that move was a mistake. But April wasn’t giving you mixed signals. She would just rather go through Facebook than a phone, that’s all. Again, you’re overanalyzing the situation, dude.
WHAT??? YOU didn't sign up for my free 7-day dating course yet? Did you not understand the word FREE?
Then April asked you out to a tango event, but you wanted to take her out to dinner instead. Brucie, you don’t make a date when you’re already have a date! As I say on my Doc Love Club Radio Show, you don’t stack dates. Are you sure you’re really an advanced student?
While April said let’s make it coffee and not dinner, the important point was that she was willing to meet you. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “It don’t matter if it’s coffee, dinner, or you’re eating hay with the cows.” So you’re not out, man. You just have a hair-trigger reaction to whatever April says. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “You’re being way too uptight.” Remember, you don’t turn down the incoming offer of a date.
When April asked you to meet as dancing partners, she was asking you out AGAIN. And again, it doesn’t matter if you’re having coffee or dinner or dancing – you’re with the girl, and that’s what’s important. My friend, you’re waiting for April to say the exact right words instead of listening to what she’s really saying. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “You have to work with her a little, my son.” You’re not being flexible at all, guy.
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Then you tell April that you have more dancing partners than you need. So now you’re getting into a debate with her! You’re getting heavy when you should be keeping it light and funny and you should be accepting the incoming offer.
Now let me get this straight: this girl asked you out two separate times and now you’re flushing her number? When she said that she wanted to see you sometime, you should have said “Let’s back up here. I misinterpreted what you were saying. Of course – let’s get together!”
April counter-offered you not once, but twice. COUNTER-OFFER is a chapter in my book. Are you sure you read it? I’m sorry to say that you’re not at the advanced level, Brucie. And again, you’re overanalyzing, like I said before.
Now you’re questioning April’s sincerity. She was being sincere, because she counter-offered.
Remember, guys: anytime she counter-offers, accept it.