AVERAGE GUYS HAVE NO CHANCE?
A study he read suggests that average guys have no chance with women. True? It sure makes sense - to him - and maybe to you but find out why the study is flawed in so many ways...
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Dating Women Podcast #108
108: She only wants to see him once every 6 weeks or so???
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I am a long-time follower and really respect your work.
I stumbled across a study recently which showed that women rated 80% of all males as below medium attractiveness. On the other side, males rated women on a bell curve of normal distribution. The inference was that women are only significantly physically attracted to the top 20% of men -- i.e., the ones who look like actors or models. Women’s standards were shown to be unreasonable (and dare I say delusional!) while men’s weren’t, despite what the popular culture around us constantly repeats like a mantra -- that men’s standards of female beauty are unfair to women and objectify them!
This really surprised me, but has explained my online dating experience. I estimate myself as around a 6 or 7, and while I do match up with a few women on dating sites, the numbers are low, and generally the women are unresponsive, lethargic, have little interest, are flakey or can’t be bothered to write back. I also generally try for women a tad below what I feel is equivalent to myself in attractiveness if I find something intriguing about them. But even these women (4s and 5s) largely reject my advances as not good enough for them. These are women around the same age as me (29) who have very little interest even in someone (based on my estimates) who is more attractive than they are. So I’m not talking about pursuing Beautiful Women here! In real life, I’ve had similar experiences: women around my physical attractiveness level are very difficult to court (they are generally uninterested), but I get a lot of unwanted incoming interest from 2s to 4s, who I am uninterested in. I’m not being shallow, but I just don’t see it as a fair trade, that I should be with an overweight woman when I have an athletic physique.
“The System” says that dating is a numbers game, but the above study really shocked me. This also explains why the divorce rate is so high: women feel unfulfilled and resentment sets in. They are now saying the rate of young married couples is the lowest it has ever been in the history of the Western world and that the trend will continue. My buddies who are fairly average looking but totally decent guys do even worse than me. They have admitted that they have gotten zero matches/responses in online dating -- NOTHING! It’s as if they don’t exist. This is really depressing. Meanwhile, average women complain about their dating experiences and their troubles with guys, and the reason is, most of them are chasing the most attractive men and getting burned! They are, generally speaking, batting out of their league and feel entitled.
Doc, do you agree with the study’s findings? How can a decent average guy expect to pass the “Physical Attraction Test” when the average woman is deluded and thinks she deserves a GQ model?
Bucky - who feels defeated
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
First of all, you’re talking about just one survey here. And just one survey will create a smokescreen in your mind. What you have to realize is that you don’t need 10 women. You just have to get ONE great woman – that’s the goal.
Common sense tells you that if women only went out with actors and models, there would be no marriage at all. The truth is that average and below-average looking people are getting married – all the time. Of course every guy wants the cover girl on Elle magazine, but out of a hundred women there are only three of those and 97 average-looking women, and the vast majority of them get married. And they are marrying average-looking guys, because not every guy looks like a GQ model. So like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Every dude wants a knockout, but there aren’t that many to go around.” And if the results of this one survey were true, there would be no marriages! Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “If only good-looking people got married, no babies would ever be born.”
Bucky, if you’re not getting responses on dating sites, it’s because you didn’t go to a professional photographer. You either took a bad selfie or had your buddy shoot your picture with a phone camera. Better photographs can make a world of difference in your results.
Why didn't you sign up for my free 7-day dating course yet? Did you not understand the word FREE?
To you Psych majors, when women scroll through a dating site, ALL THEY DO IS LOOK AT YOUR PHOTO. Lots of average looking men could improve their odds drastically if they dressed up, got a haircut, and smiled, as if they were ready for an interview for a major position with a top-flight multinational. You’ve got to have...
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