I CANNOT BELIEVE HE'S CONFUSED
She said she needs space and to be single and he's confused on the meaning of that??? What???!!!
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097: You never want to hear - "let's get together as friends" from her - OUCH!
098: You are automatically in the friend zone if you do this
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Dakota and I were in a relationship for two and half years before we hit a snag where she said she needed space. I gave it to her, but we were still in contact. Anyway, we ended up back together and even went window shopping for engagement rings before we hit another snag. This one was “I just need to be single.”
Since then I have made no effort to contact Dakota. When she contacts me, I tell her that it’s best that we don’t talk until we’re both on the same page again. I can honestly see a future with her, but at this time she is very confused about her own self and I wish I could be there to help. She gets angry at me for bringing up the subject of the relationship or hanging out with her family. (I have become friends with her sister and her sister’s fiancé and sometimes they like to hang out with me.) Her family tells me that I did wonders for Dakota and they hope things work out because they too have grown to love me. Dakota wants to be friends but has no interest in seeing me, has now stopped calling me on the phone and is restricting herself to internet contact. Her Facebook statuses are as follows: “Tired, confused, got a lot on my mind, in need of a vacation.” I feel these posts are mixed signals to me.
I am having trouble getting over Dakota. I am strong enough to not contact her directly, but I will reply when she contacts me. I have made it clear to her sister that I do not want to talk about Dakota, and they have assured me that they would like to remain in touch with me.
When Dakota contacts me she seems to be doing it “to be the better person,” and “just to be nice,” but she seems angry, and from my experience, this could mean that she is not over me either. It just seems like she is hot then cold the very next minute, so I do not know how to approach this situation. Even though I told her not to contact me, she still does, though I notice that the contact is less and less.
Doc, I don’t know what I’m doing. I’d be grateful for any thoughts you have on my predicament.
Atticus - who is heartbroken and confused
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
First of all, anytime a woman uses the word “space,” you’re DEAD. And when she utters the word “single,” it’s every bit as bad as the word “space,” and it means that you’re OUT. And in turn it means that her Interest Level has dropped below 50%, which means that there is no recovering.
Atticus, the really sad part is that at one time in this relationship, perhaps for a year and a half to two years, Dakota had high Interest Level in you. But due to your deportment, you slowly lowered it. Since I notice that you don’t mention “The System,” you’re not aware of how this process of deterioration works and you don’t even see that it’s going on. If you would have had my book one year before you met Dakota, she would be begging you for babies right now. Instead, like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Just the thought of you touching her makes her skin crawl.”
How can you envision a future with Dakota when she doesn’t even want to be in the same room with you? How obvious does she have to make it before you get the drift that you’re not just out, but that you’re COMPLETELY OUT?
Dude, Dakota isn’t confused at all – you’re the one who’s confused. She has low Interest Level, you’re out, and you think she has high interest and that you’re still in. That’s why you’re confused – not her.
Guy, Dakota doesn’t want you around her family anymore. What’s the point? This thing is...
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