IS AGE THE DEAL BREAKER OR...
He thought that their age difference was too great and put a head trip on himself where he went overboard on a minor mistake she made - not good. Don't make the same mistake!
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I am 55 years young and newly single after a long relationship. I am reasonably attractive and very fit for my age. My dilemma concerns appropriate age gaps as they relate to Interest Level.
Morgan, 42, is an attractive woman who works in my building. We had a few casual lunches and a dinner or two. It was always lighthearted and I had her constantly laughing. I once took her out of town to a major league baseball game. During the game she became affectionate, touching me and then asking me for a hug. I gave her one and then did not initiate any more touching. We danced at a club after the game and were having a good time. While dancing, I kissed her on the lips. She smiled and said that we were just friends. I shrugged it off, and on the way home the next day never said a word about the kiss and kept it light.
Doc, I’ve judged Morgan’s Interest Level at below the Mason-Dixon line and decided not to waste any more of my time on her. She texted me the next day to say she had such a good time. I went on vacation and never contacted her, nor she me. When I got back to work, she messaged me and stated that she missed me. I told her it was good to be missed and let it go at that.
My question is about age gaps. Is the gap between 55 and 42 too wide? Morgan did ask me how old I was in the beginning and I told her. In the end I figured I was fine for a friend and entertainment but too old for romantic interest. Should I be more careful in choosing women closer to my age? Your thoughts on this are quite welcome.
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DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
It was a huge mistake to kiss Morgan on the lips in public. You don’t kiss a woman in public – period. The difference in your ages is not a problem -- though you should forget about females aged 39 or younger. But since you don’t have “The System,” you don’t know that you’re supposed to kiss the woman at her doorstep when you drop her off after a date. To you Psych majors, lots of women don’t like to be kissed in public – or being made the object of an unwanted Public Display Of Affection (PDA). So you made a massive error when you kissed Morgan on the dance floor.
When she told you that you were friends, you should have responded “Of course we’re friends!” In other words, you should have just gone along with it and not made a big deal of it.
But you’re dead wrong to have judged Morgan’s Interest Level as below the Mason-Dixon Line. Morgan’s Interest Level is 75%. Yes, she used that bad word – “friends” – with you, but everything else that happened between you has gone well. When 90% of everything else is going well – conversation, laughter, touching, etc. – you can’t leap to a false conclusion. When Morgan said you were “friends,” you really overreacted, Chick. Let me explain something to you. Sometimes women put up what I call a “mock struggle.” In other words, they kind of push you back but they really don’t mean it. It was that kiss in public that made her refer to you as a friend – a blunder you could have avoided if you had my materials.
You’re not wasting your time with Morgan. She did too many things right for you to be wasting your time. You have to add it up, pal. She only did one thing that turned you off and she did nine things that were great. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “It’s called a sense of proportion.”
When Morgan texted you that she had a good time, you should have...
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Why bother with these old over the hill women who have hit the wall. Go down to the Dominican Republic, Costa Rica, or the Philippines and get all the hot 19 year olds you want. No one wants women 50 and up.
Could not disagree with your statement more – there are a lot of great women 50 and up and many of my students have tremendous wives and girlfriends in that age range. Plus, dating a woman from another country is a waste of time – she’s not moving and neither are you. Listen to my latest podcast for more information on that: https://www.doclove.com/2017/08/28/dwp-086-dating-women-from-another-country-is-a-waste-of-time-theyre-not-moving-neither-are-you/
I met Caprice at networking event, she touched my arm 3 times. However Caprice is 23 and I am 40. I do not look or feel 40. Caprice is the coordinator for the Insurance group I belong to. So I will see her at other networking events. There is a 17 year age gap. I know its better if Caprice was 25+. Should I pursue her?
Think of me as one of those guys that does point spreads for football games. Do I know the outcome of every single game? No. Do I predict a correct spread in enough games to make a lot of money? Yes. Can I tell you with certainty that things are not going to work out between you and that you shouldn’t go for it? NO – as your dating coach I’m just going to point out what I think the ODDS are going to be in the outcome of a potential relationship with her.
1. You have very little to talk about over the long haul – you were just about out of high school when she was born – you two come from two different eras.
2. In 10 years you’ll be starting to think about retirement – she’ll still be relatively new in her career.
3. She may not even be ready for a relationship like you are as she’s just outside that 18-22 ding dong stage that women (and men) go through.
4. In a few years she’ll start thinking she’ll want someone closer to her age to raise a family and you’ll be approaching mid-40’s with more wrinkles starting over and looking for a new girl.
Having said that you can always learn something and I don’t have a crystal ball to predict the outcome of every single relationship but I think the University of Akron has a better chance of ending up in the National Championship Game than you do of making things work with this girl given the age gap.
Just to clarify, My odds are against me with Caprice, so I do not ask Caprice for the home phone number? or do I playfully tease her so other women at another event (my age range) will notice and join in the conversation and I will ask these other women their phone number? Last week I met Caprice at another networking event. She touched my arm. As I was leaving the event Caprice struck up conversation wondering if I was planning on attending the next event in 2 weeks.
Also what does it mean when a married women touches your arm a few times? The first time you are meeting them at a networking event? I ask the married women for their home phone number. Some respond “I am married” or try the business card trick. I then ask them “do they have any single female friends. “
Hi Norm – these questions are awesome but I really need to go back and forth with you to answer you properly because each scenario is different and I have to be able to really talk to you. Please call my radio show – I’m on the air weekly and you can get details here: http://www.datingwomenradioshow.com
Thanks for writing
So I’m supposed to just feel down because the woman i meet o showing inteis not in the 10-15 year age gap? And just don’t bother at all? You know how that mentally affects me Doc? “Oh, it’s not gonna workout because Doc said she’s not in the 10-15 year age thing.” Ridiculous. Doc seems to make this into a gospel. Like some absolute cold hard truth. This is where I get annoyed by him. I want as much positive shit around me as possible and I prefer younger women because I want to get married and have kids. You’re kinda limiting me here mentally. So I’m supposed to not bother if she’s not in the 10-15 year age gap because of some predictive odds going against me? What if she’s into older guys? Anyway, if I get rejected or dumped then so be it. I always take responsibility for my actions. But I never want to go in with that mindset because of Doc Love’s constraints. And I know how pessimistic and cynical he gets. Also, I would not call the radio show because I’m pretty sure he’ll mock me, laugh at me and make fun of me. In closing, I will use the System and Doc Loves teachings and not worry about the age gap which is mentally draining. I’m not trying to date 18-22 by the way, but I seem to be meeting a lot more 21-24 year olds though lol . I do look to be 28-30 by the way. Anyway, Happy New Year and Thanks for the help you give to guys Doc and Jeff. And also BIG thank you for NEVER entertaining female callers which always turn out to be time wasters with sob stories and brainwashed stories. Thank you again.
Hi Jasper – 2 things
1. I’m an ODDS MAKER – I never said not to date 10-15 years below but I do consistently says the odds are against you – I state over and over again on the radio show and in my columns that at the end of the day you have to use https://www.doclove.com/system as not an A-B-C follow the rules guidebook but as something that you weave into your dating life so you gain a greater understanding of the dating world. If you don’t mind playing when the odds are against you that’s fine by me – I would not mock you on the radio show but I will give you my real deal opinion whether you want to hear it or not. PS, I never mock, laugh or make fun of students. I won’t sugarcoat my responses but I always respect every single student.
2. Thanks for your kind words – the big reason we don’t take female callers is because we have a lot of guys that need coaching and they jam the phone lines because this is a dating advice show for men. However, I will say I have female fans that are as well versed in https://www.doclove.com/system as anyone so while we don’t take female callers so the guys can get in, there are MANY sharp women around the show.
Happy New Year!