WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?
Back in 2001 this guy was aware of my book but chose not to get it. Now, he's in MAJOR PAIN and about to spend way more than $99 because of the MESS he's in with his beautiful but unfaithful and unstable wife.
READER'S QUESTION
Hey Doc,
I discovered you many years ago. Though I didn’t buy “The System,” the advice in your columns struck me as genius! Recently I spent a lot of time hunting for you, the original Doc Love, on the internet, but there are way too many impersonators! I know now that I need “The System.” I’m so happy you are not retired and are still helping men and available to share your wisdom!
Anyway, after not buying your book, I married a very beautiful, high maintenance, woman (a part-time model) with two children of her own. Ashlee and I also had a son together. I have always remained 100% faithful, while my flirtatious and exhibitionist wife (see-through tops, no underwear under her skirts, etc.) has caused me nothing but grief over the past 14 years. She requires non-stop attention from all men, aged 19 to 93. A couple of years ago she started drinking every night.
We tried counseling, and the counselor suggested she had “histrionic personality disorder.” Within a couple of months I discovered my wife had been having a “sexting” relationship with my son’s sixth grade male school teacher that had been going on for over two years! She also admitted to having an intimate encounter at his home. Two weeks later I discovered she was again having a “sexting” relationship with yet another man. She is now in a rehab/counseling program, but she has lied to me again and again. Even after I caught her and she said it was over, I discovered that she had been sending graphic videos of herself to this man.
From what I’ve heard about “The System,” I realize I have made SO many mistakes with this woman. I was a Wimp, did everything she ever asked, worshipped her, complimented her nonstop, and worked seven days a week and overtime to provide her with enough money, only to be told that “I was never home” and that’s why she turned to other men. I should’ve had your book back in 2001. My reputation in her family is I am such a “good guy.” Now I know the truth: good guys finish last.
Now my wife believes we will remain together somehow, once she becomes “well.” I believe she is only concerned about my large retirement income, my inherited house, etc. My trust in her is COMPLETELY gone. I am just playing along for now, to appease her family and show my support, but my goal is to divorce her. I’m hoping her family will encourage her to go easy on me, the victim in this.
Hopefully, with her family’s support and sympathy I might escape with only a couple of years of alimony.
My question is this: do you agree that this woman is toxic to my survival and since I can’t trust her that our relationship is beyond repair? Any advice for handling my wife during the pre-divorce stage?
Arturo - who no longer wants to be Mister Nice Guy
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DOC'S ANSWER
Hi Arturo,
Let me get this straight. You’re telling me that you read a few of my columns, and that I’m a genius, and you have a huge problem with your wife, and for only $99 – versus all the money she’s going to pry out of you if you get a divorce – you didn’t buy my book?
You see that the answer is right in front of you in the form of “The System” and still you don’t buy it?
What does that say about you, my friend?
And you’re still singing my praises to the world, but you still haven’t bought my book. You’re telling other guys to buy the book but not yourself? What sense does that make? Now here you are, after 14 years of extreme pain, and you still haven’t invested in the only thing that could have saved you. If I had gotten hold of you, Arturo, you wouldn’t even have gone out with your wife a second time, let alone married her! But because she’s so beautiful and you were such a Wimp, you succumbed to this disaster.
That said, how could you miss the fact that Ashlee needed attention from the entire world of males when you were dating her, even if you didn’t have my book? Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Did you actually think she was going to change for you?” To you Psych majors, the reason I coach men to go out with a woman for two years before getting married is so that they will have the chance to study her like a hawk! Even a dope would have seen that Ashlee is in love with all the men on the face of the planet and she could never love just one guy because she’s not built that way.
What were you thinking, Arturo?
Let me explain something to you. Your wife is a sex fiend. Forget about counseling and personality disorders and all of that crap. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “You married a loony tune.” It’s that simple. “The System” could have saved you from that fate, but you decided that you didn’t need it. Now what do you think, Arturo?
You tell me that your wife has been having a relationship with your son’s teacher for two years. But what did you do about it when you found out? Nothing! You just stood there and watched. And this other guy wasn’t the only one she’s cheated with. But you’re still there because you don’t have the guts to leave.
But you’re being selfish, Arturo. You have to get those children away from your wife ASAP. You’ve just been talking about the damage to you. What about the damage to those kids? What about Ashlee as a terrible role model? Your children need someone sane to imitate so that when they grow up they’ll be normal. I feel sorry for your kids, dude, they’re the big losers here. Don’t worry about yourself — you’re already lost.
Let me explain something else to you. It’s not what Ashlee has done to you that’s so terrible – it’s that you don’t react properly to it. You’re the problem here, not your wife. You should grab those kids, get a divorce and get out of there. Give all the evidence you have to the judge so that you can have custody of the poor kids. Ashlee shouldn’t be raising them.
It’s not that good guys finish last. It’s WEAK guys who finish last. There’s a huge difference. When you say “good,” what you really mean is WEAK. Being WEAK is not GOOD. Being WEAK is BAD.
Arturo, don’t let anybody fool you — as soon as Ashlee gets “well,” she’s going to be dating the local college soccer team. You’re loaded with money, you had a shot at my book, but you passed on it. “The System” would have changed your life and your future, but you’ve spent 14 years in Hell for not buying it just because Ashlee is a knockout. How phony are you?
Why are you worried about Ashlee’s family? Why not save those kids instead? They’re going through Hell watching the two of you. Great role models, you and Ashlee! Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Those poor kids are really going to pick good partners when they grow up!”
You should never have married this woman. And if you did, you should have divorced her thirteen and a half years ago. And why would her family back you? They’re going to support Ashlee, their blood. You sound like a sharp guy when it comes to making money, Arturo, but look how you’re going to pay now!
When a measly $99 could have saved you, you’re going to lose half of your empire to some slut.
Yes, Ashlee is toxic and your relationship is way, way, way beyond repair. MY ADVICE IS TO GET MY BOOK AND MEMORIZE IT. IT WILL HELP YOU.
Remember, guys: the idea of dating is to discover what’s wrong so you don’t marry the wrong woman and have to live in Hell.
Unbelievable how clueless some men are. This guy had plenty of money to buy the System materials, yet chose to go it alone. Now he is paying the price in misery. I bought the System years ago when I was unemployed by scraping up the money working day labor jobs at minimum wage. I never regretted it. The System was the best investment I ever spent money on.
Roger – thank you for your great comments!