WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?
He's 36 - she's 21. It's going well but there is DANGER ahead because of the age difference.
Read on...
READER'S QUESTION
Hey Doc,
First I want to thank you. I got your book and have been studying its principles. I’ve learned that the book is really compassionate regardless of how harsh it can be. I’ve come to understand the numbers game with phone numbers. I will admit I was once a wimpus americanus, but now I feel like a real man. I’ve been able to recognize the good from the bad women. You’ve given me the tools to woo a good woman. Feel free to lay it on me if I’m being a poor student.
I’m 36, divorced, and have a daughter. I realized through your book that I should have never married the woman I was with. I admit it was my failure as a man for not heeding the warning signs when I initially felt things were wrong. I am paying for it now, but have gotten to a nice workable place with my ex and conquered some really destructive behaviors that have wreaked havoc in my life.
Now here’s the part where you cringe. I’m now seeing Faith, who is only 21. I was hesitant to pursue something with her, but her Interest Level was above 51% so I went with it. She actually has a lot of life experience. She worked on a farm and dealt with a difficult upbringing. She was born as a result of an affair; however, the man who was married to her mom adopted her. She is very independent and was the valedictorian of her high school.
Time to cringe some more. I am also a professor at a major university and Faith was a former student. I can already hear you yelling “This is a recipe for disaster!” However, things are going smoothly and effortlessly with Faith. I know she is young and I should proceed with caution. I really like her, but am full of doubts. I keep following “The System” and she is responding positively and showing no Red Flags.
I’m trying to find fault with this woman and be a consistent Challenge. I know my Interest Level is high, but I refrain from fun texting, revealing every detail about myself, I keep her laughing and set up dates that allow her free rein. She’s being cautious because her last boyfriend cheated on her.
So what is my question if things are going well? I know the odds are against me, but I also see the potential to have a really great woman in my life. Do I have a grasp of the principles of “The System?”
Anders - who is enjoying himself and having fun
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DOC'S ANSWER
Hi Anders,
Thanks for your letter. And before we go into your issues, I want to explain to those of you out there who do not have “The System” that a wimpus americanus is guy who goes along with everything his date says to the point where he’s ultimately boring.
One of the greatest things about my book is that it points out RED FLAGS and danger signs FAR IN ADVANCE of when you actually get into trouble. And what that means is that you’re not going to be surprised after you get married, or have the wool pulled over your eyes, or she shocks you with her bad behavior somewhere down the road.
Now wait a minute here. Faith is only 21? She should be 31 for this thing to have a chance! Guy, you’re 36 years young and she’s barely out of her teens. You know what I have to say about 18 to 22 year olds: they’re generally too young to commit to a long-term relationship. They haven’t grown up yet (and I put guys in that age range in the same boat - you can have a great career or be in the military at a young age but odds are - understandably - 18-22 year olds are not ready to make a 50 year romantic commitment!) This girl has not gone through the life experiences that you have. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “By the way, does your girlfriend have any play dates set up with my daughter?”
Now if you could get Faith to 25 or 26 years old, you might have a chance. But a 21 year old? She’s simply not grown up enough yet. The reason you went with this thing is because Faith is good-looking and she’s young enough to be your daughter. And you already have a daughter, let me remind you.
Let me point something out to you, Anders. The fact that Faith had a tough upbringing is another RED FLAG. It’s not something that you want in a wife or girlfriend if you can help it. It can spell lots of trouble in the future, when the difficult upbringing begins to manifest its effects.
Faith seems to have brains, which is great, but you should really be a lot younger to be with her. The odds of you lasting with her until she’s 26 or 27 and then marrying her are slim at best. You’re going to get all wound up – you already are – and give your heart to Faith and then it’s going to be broken. And people are going to laugh at you when she breaks it. As the old cowboy saying goes, “There ain’t no fool like an old fool.” Even people who aren’t familiar with “The System” know enough to ask, “What’s a 36- year-old guy doing with a 21-year-old girl?”
I’m glad everything has been going well up to this point, but you have a long way to go with Faith. You’re going to have to date her for at least four years before she reaches full maturity.
I know you see a certain potential here, Anders, but the odds aren’t good, as you yourself said. That’s the entire idea of “The System” – to tell you when you meet a woman what the odds are of the relationship going anywhere. And like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “When this babe runs into some stud quarterback with a six-pack and all of his hair, you’re history.”
Yes, you have a grasp of my principles, my friend. But where you’re off the track is thinking that the odds with Faith are maybe one in three. They’re really one in 30.
Remember, guys: when you’re old enough to be her dad, you’re going to get burned.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
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What a load of garbage. A 36 year old guy dating a 21 year old is considered a massive age gap? And I don’t know any 36 year olds who have a 21 year old daughter, what a load of nonsense. I would have thought you were working for the feminists, who hate when an older guy dates a younger women (as they hate that female marketability takes a nose dive after 30, I wonder why).
Newsflash, dating 20s women is EASIER in your 30s. I know several men in the last year who have married attractive younger girls (a 40 year old with a 25 year old, and a 37 year old with a 24 year old). The girls prefer maturity, confidence and worldliness that comes with experience, often they can’t even tell your exact age, they just see you as a confident older guy.
Secondly finding a girl who is YOUNG with less mileage, means she is more likely to be able to pair bond successfully with her husband. Those early 30s girls have had far more relationships and sex than the typical 30s guy has (look up the stats on this, many 20s men have little to NO sex, whilst the girls have abundance at that age, many have many sexual partners before marriage), they are going to be more difficult to succesfully pair bond with, ignoring the fact their looks have taken a nose dive at that age. This is proven scientifically, the more partners a woman has, the more likely she is to divorce. The same effect does not happen with men. The women older are more likely to have kids already, many men do not, it’s not fair to cuckold men like that.
I’m 31 and I have dated girls 22, the last year. The age gap is not noticeable at all, I read Doc’s post and was surprised to be honest. Life is grey not black and white, many people marry younger wives. My parents have a 14 year age gap. I have had a lot of interest from the younger girls at my work place (18 to 24 years old), why is this weird? I think it’s normal, many early to mid 20s women could make good wives. In most non Western cultures older men marry younger women. Aristotle actually said the ideal pairing is a 35 year old man with an 18 year old woman, as both are at their life peaks at those ages. The man is most productive and the woman most fertile/attractive.
I think one of the reason’s age gap relationships are uncommon in the West is that most men are married by their early 30s, so there are no “baggage free” men really to date younger women, only divorced men who have a ton of baggage and alimony payments. If you have a good career, are in good shape, it will be EASIER to bag a younger girl in your 30s.
Ignore Doc Love and read up on the Red Pill, look up the Rational Male blog for far better advice on how to make the best out of your options in life as a man.
Toby,
I am not telling you to not date with wide age gaps – what I am telling guys is that ODDS ARE you have a tougher time having success. For every successful age gap romance you cite I can give you 5 failures from my thousands of conversations with women over the years as I’ve interviewed them. If you and your circle are finding success then that’s great – it’s not true for everyone I have encountered and https://www.doclove.com/system will always give you what I believe are the BEST ODDS for success – then of course it is up to each individual guy to decide what works best for him.