WHY ARE YOU WASTING TIME BEING ANGRY DUDE?
This isn't going to be one of my usual columns but I think it's important to put out there - I'm getting really tired of all the anger towards women that I see as if women owe guys anything just because they find them attractive.
I get no guy likes to be rejected and it aggravates you when you see a girl you really like with a guy you can't stand or are envious of.
However, if you walk around bitter or resentful or angry because you're alone then all you hurt is yourself (and NEVER think of hurting women - or anyone else for that matter). If you're ever going to have a long-term relationship with a lady, as I teach in my dating relationship education course named THE SYSTEM then you have to start with you - be the best you can be and accept who you are - don't try to be a 3rd rate version of the guy you saw with the pretty blonde - be the guy you are and understand you're unique.
I know, I know - it all sounds like mumbo jumbo when you're wandering around dateless at the bar and you imagine all the happiness the couples you see have but don't you realize you're RUINING a precious day in your existence by harboring any negative feelings? We really have a great hobby in rich countries like the U.S. and that's feeling sorry for ourselves. You think about all the stuff you don't have instead of counting your blessings for what you do have (and I'm sure if you sat down to think about it, you can come up with things to be thankful for).
WHY IS IT ALWAYS HIM AND NEVER ME THAT SHE LIKES?
Yes, I know that's a question you've probably asked yourself many times but I'm here to tell you to GET THAT NONSENSE OUT OF YOUR HEAD.
There are women that like you but you have to learn not to blow it with them - and my SYSTEM will teach you to do just that and make you a BETTER man in the process.
By the way - it's the REAL DEAL - I'm not an internet fake that tells you that you can have any woman you want - THERE IS NO MAN ALIVE that can have every woman he wants.
However, I bet you have way more chances than you think you do but you've got to get all the nonsense out of your head first - and I can coach you to do just that!
SO HOW DO I BECOME LESS ANGRY DOC?
The minute you make the assumption that your happiness depends on finding and keeping Ms. Right is the exact minute you're heading down a slippery slope of stinking thinking because there is NO ONE in the world that can make you happy except you and I think that's the source of many outbursts of negative emotions towards women - guys have it in their mind they need the girl they're attracted to be happy - and if they don't get her then they can't be - no wonder the poor girl becomes the object of so much bitterness - when you tie your life up that far in the decisions of another human being then it's predictable what will happen.
Why do you think I tell you not to take women personally and that dating is like sales where you'll go through a lot of rejection for that one sweet sale? I say that because if you invest too much emotional capital in meeting and keeping this girl then you've set up "if" conditions to be happy. "If" I get her, I can be happy. "If I retire, I can be happy." "If, if, if, if, if" to infinity. If you're always looking for that future place to be happy all you will do is spin your wheels and look back and say "where did my life go?"
Let's say the best case scenario is you get the most wonderful and gorgeous woman you've ever seen and your life is now awesome in your eyes - a new set of worries emerges. What if she leaves you? What if she passes away ? Instead of being worried about getting her now you're worried about losing her.
Yes, please keep trying to meet and keep Ms. Right because it's worth it but DO NOT let the process embitter you and do not depend on her or ANYONE else to allow you to enjoy your life on a day by day basis - it is really the way you react to the own events in your life that will determine your level of contentment. Remember guys, being angry with women is the MOST MORONIC thing you can do in dating.
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TIME FOR YOU TO JOIN THE DISCUSSION
Please listen to my audio about never hitting women as well - I appreciate you reading this and welcome your feedback below - please weigh in and let's get a discussion going!
How much do the love languages play into relationship? The millionaire match maker said she ended her relationship because her boyfriend didn’t fulfill her needs. Her love languages is gifts and touch and he didn’t fulfill this. Is this just low interest level?
In my SYSTEM (https://www.doclove.com/system/) there is a chapter called “Maintenance” and every woman needs this in a relationship from her guy. Guys want to do this too soon – give her flowers, gifts, candy, attention, etc before the relationship is established – they essentially give away their Mystery and Challenge by being too available to her and showering her with trinkets and affection before they even know her – which is BORING to women.
HOWEVER – once she’s your girlfriend, fiance’ or wife and she’s a good woman – you better speak the love language of respect, affection and romance and yes, give her gifts, touching, attention – whatever makes her happy (as long as she isn’t overboard where she’s never happy with you thinking of her with a thoughtful card and flowers but can only be pleased if you bring home diamonds or a car).
So, every good woman has “love languages” and it’s the same one – make sure that you give her respect, affection and romance & and show her she’s the center of the world – as she should be doing for you as well!
I hope this helps – please let me know if it did.
So if I follow the system the love languages don’t matter. The system covers it all. That makes sense. The millionaire match maker ex-boyfriend doesn’t have the system.If he did he wouldn’t have got dropped. Thanks for the response.
Of course – thanks for your support!
Doc- in many cases, the root cause of what you’re writing about here is Entitlement. Oftentimes, kids who are raised without much responsibility, never learn to stand on their own two feet, and are spoiled by their parents are shocked when they don’t get what they want as they get older. They don’t get that great job…they resent people who don’t want to date them…they have no social value…etc. Their parents never said ‘no’ to them as kids, and they never showed them that life is hard work.
This is why these guys become bitter adults when it comes to women…and they usually blame something outside their control for why they can’t get dates, like “women only want tall guys” or “women are all gold diggers” or whatever. When you’ve never had to actually MAKE something happen in your life, and develop a complex understanding of something to get good at it, why would attracting women be any different?
And I don’t mean to paint a blanket statement that it’s ALL about entitlement for every guy who can’t attract women, but I’ve just seen it so many times.
Another great take SP – another variation of “the world owes ME something” – you’re right – some folks are shocked when they can’t have what they want. Thanks for writing!
I love this. The system has been great to me and these blog posts are even more helpful to see your principles under a different light.
Thanks Dillon – I’d enjoy hearing your story as to what it has meant to you – do you mind replying with what THE SYSTEM has done for you and how it has changed you? I will use your story on the radio if you’re write back – I love “you changed my life” letters!
Regardless, thanks for your kind words and support – my mission is to coach good men to have success with good women & it is my passion – my blog posts, radio show, social media, etc, are all geared to get guys the best they can be!
I’m 25 years young. I’ve been reading your system daily, 15 pages every night for 8 months. I do believe in the system, it saved me from a long distance relationship and it was the hardest thing to do! But I trust in the system, I’ve seen what a girl with a high interest level would do, she was chasing me, asking me out, paying dates, touching me first, beautiful… she started asking me after 10 dates (around october) where do this was going and I was dying for telling her “are you trying to ask me to be your boyfriend?” but I knew she was going to another city (around january) two hours away from my hometown for a year, so I control myself and always keep it light and funny until she left. She even asked me to visit her on her last night and I did, brought a bottle of wine, make her laught and told her “well.. this was fun give me a call when you are in town”. Now, (amazingly) she still contacts me and lets me know when she is in town, and also invited me to visit her but I haven’t gone yet, the system tells me that if were not moving closer it’s a waste of time. Anyway, I was dating another girl with the system last month, and everything was going fine for 5 dates, until she called me to my cellphone and invited me to an event on friday night with only an hour in advance, I told her that I would love to go but I unfortunately have to get up early the next morning to attend a meeting from my work and I haven’t finished yet my presentation, (this was true, I wasn’t even trying to be a challenge) told her to have fun with her friends and that I would take her out on the week before hanging up on the cellphone. I called Caprice on the week and she didn’t replied. Didn’t left any message and waited for her to call back… she didn’t. The next week, I saw a mutual friend (one of my best friends, he has no interested in this girl, actually he was happy that I was dating her, he was always telling me to ask her out), he told me that Caprice said to him she hated me, that she always was contacting me first, that I always dissapear for a week and thought that I was really rude for not attending her invitantion and that she would never talked to me again. I called Caprice again… and she didn’t answer, do you think I was wrong on this one? I think she is unflexible and I was a bit surprised with what a lady friend told me, everytime a girl asks you out, you have to go, even with your guts out in your arms… Really?
Great letter – THE SYSTEM has for sure changed your thinking – and you have a good grasp of things – the studying you’re doing is paying off!
You have the situation read right – she’s uptight and your lady friend is wrong – you do not have to be at a woman’s beck and call – an hour notice? Really? I do tell you guys to accept incoming but an hour is tough for anyone that’s got things going on to pull off – case in point, you with your presentation the next morning.
I’m not totally black and white on this though – I’m not saying you never accept – like say you’re a month in and she scores cool tickets to a big event out of the blue at work and calls to invite you and you’ve had a good rapport with her – then you might go because it’s something super-special she wants to take you with her on.
So, you have to apply some thinking to every situation but in a general sense if she pops out with an hour just for a normal date and then gets mad when you don’t accept due to your work schedule then she’s way too structured – which is great to find out NOW – THE SYSTEMS protects you. Her reaction was way over the top and she’s been simmering due to you pulling CHALLENGE on her – which structured/uptight women cannot deal with. She “hates” you because you couldn’t drop everything to see her in an hour? Sure, that’s a balanced approach – errr………….
The only error I see you made is that you should have counter-offered a specific date and time after getting the incoming from her and you shouldn’t have told her about your work – just say you’re busy next time. “I’m sorry Caprice, I cannot make tonight – I’m busy – but how about I take you out for a nice dinner on Sunday at 7:00 p.m.” – that is the way to handle something like that in the future but you’re on the right track with your thinking.
Thanks for writing!
Got it! Counter offer with specific day and time! After all I’m glad that I didn’t knew that strategy at that time… My presentation went great! I won the project and she was going to explode at some time, someday… like you said “THE SYSTEM, protects you” I felt relieved that she really show her attitude at that time, I don’t want that for the future. Even my friends asked me if I was sad and I replied to them with a big smile and said: “Super sad”.
Thanks for your answer Doc.
HA – I love your answer to your friends – “never let them see you sweat – diffuse with humor” – good job!
When women ask you on a short notice like that they are usually 90% of the time professional daters. She had nothing else to do.
So when he told miss user that he is busy she got offended. Good !
The 10% of the time its an event that popped up so its ok like you said Doc. Or if your exculsive thats cool too. But first date ? no good.
Good feedback – thanks for writing
I went on a first date with a girl from match.com and the date went really well. I got her number and before I could wait five to nine days. She is texting me about a musical act I like. I couldn’t ask her out the following week because she went to New York city for the week. But during that week she was texting me a lot and texting pictures. The last message she sent me was about seeing a movie and I asked her if she was asking me out. She said I caught her. Lol. She said she thought of me when she saw a preview for the movie. She said she had a speaking engagement that day. I wished her luck. That was on saturday. I called her on Monday and got her voicemail. I am trying to figure out what happened? Can you give me any pointers. This makes no sense. She initiated the texting and now she disappears. Thanks for everything Doc and Jeff.
Two things I see:
1. Texting back and forth with her all week was a mistake – the phone is enough of a detriment to relationships and then you can triple that with texting. Why? First of all, TALKING to her when you’re not on a date makes you too available – TEXTING has the element of making you too available AND you can’t even explain yourself – texting can easily be mis-interpreted.
2. Okay, even though you made the mistake she still asked you out via text – right then and there you should have CLOSED for a day and time – remember that NOTHING HAPPENS TO MOVE THE RELATIONSHIP FORWARD UNLESS YOU’RE IN FRONT OF HER
I suggest you study more – one great way to do that is to constantly reinforce things with my radio show on demand – http://www.docloveclub.com – and it has a 7-day free trial. I would also enjoy it if you’d call me too (www.datingwomenradioshow.com) because while many guys read this blog, many more listen to the show and it would be a great learning opportunity for them.
Thanks for your support – please join The Doc Love Club because no one else in the world brings you what I bring you and members get the best of the best of what I have to offer!
I have your system and am probably on the 9th reading of the recommended 15 readings. And I have read your various web columns on this and other websites. However, I have not had any more success with woman since, mostly due to a lack of asking enough people–it is just a numbers game.
Regardless, I have a question about asking women out just after they break up with someone (within 1-2 months of breakup). You say in the system not to ask recently divorced women due to their emotions being ‘raw’ and because generally they do not have the ability to enter a new relationship at that time.
You also provide a personal example in another area of the book of a woman you dated, who really liked you and you liked her, but she did not have her act together so you had to break up with her–which you indicated you did not ‘get over’ for some time.
So I am wondering, if you ask a woman out after her recent breakup (within 1-2 months) and it was a shorter term boyfriend/girlfriend situation (6 months – 1 year and non-marital or living together situation) and she says ‘no’, could this be due to the recent breakup and her not being ‘over’ him yet?
I am asking because people have suggested this to me and I don’t find it referenced in the system, this website or your other columns.
I will write an article about this and give you credit for it – look for it in the next few months – I will say that obviously it’s more serious with a divorce but you’re right – this can apply to breakups too – you definitely don’t want to be rebound guy. Thanks for the good idea.
Thanks a lot Doc! I look forward to the article and covering this scenario.
No one wants to be a rebound person, but what I really want to know is if being rejected for a date by a woman fairly soon after her non-marital breakup is a legitimate reason (ie. not being ‘over’ someone) for her not accepting my offer.
And in my case, the rejection did not come with an actual reason (ie. not ready yet) or some form of counter-offer.
It could be the rebound situation – it could be LOW INTEREST LEVEL – it could be because her parakeet has acne on one of its claws – the beautiful thing about THE SYSTEM is we BOTTOM LINE everything – all you have to know is that she said no and then move on to the women that will say yes!
Thanks for writing!
I’m surprised I missed this article when it came out, but nevertheless it is another great read. Just want to thank you doc for watching out for us, and as I count my blessings I realize that you and the system are among them. Thank you for eternity doc!
Thanks for the support as always!
Doc, I’ve been dating a very beautiful, sweet and extremely sexy woman for about 3 months now. I have used your system to keep her interested and c even watched all the Cary Grant movies you suggested. Its important to note that she and I were school mates in junior high. She didn’t speak much English at the time and really wasn’t in my group of friends, but we’ve kept in periodic touch through FB over the last several years. Anyway, we are both in our mid 40’s now, she has been married and has a 7yo son, from her previous relationship.
She’s allowed me to meet her son and we’ve even done a few ” family” oriented things together. So, on the surface everything seems like it’s going in the right direction. However, she is a very busy woman, running her own business, raising her son and taking care of her parents who live with her. Now, normally I would say no one is worth all that! But, this girl really is something special. I want to see more of her, but it seems once a week is all we can manage. Any suggestions on how to move this relationship forward or should I simply let this amazing woman go and move on? I’m really torn.
I don’t even suggest you meet the parents or any other family members until you’re at the 6-month mark so doing things with her child is way too early after 3 months. Also, if you’re truly using THE SYSTEM (https://www.doclove.com/system) she should be wanting to see more of you. That’s only my first observations – to go deeper for you I need you to either call the show at http://www.datingwomenradioshow.com when I’m on the air (get the day, time and number from that link) or if you prefer to be more private you can order phone coaching at https://www.doclove.com/phone_coaching
Thanks doc for being there. The point about feeling great and super comfortable and blessed in our own skin cannot be overstated. It is key. Your happiness MUST NOT be external to YOU. If not, we come across as desperate and no happiness can be sustainable if it depends on a circumstance outside of us. I’m 34 years young writing from Africa. My problem is that I expect the dating to move to her asking to be my girlfriend after going on maybe one to two to three dates. Then if she doesn’t, I start asking the girl to be my girlfriend which is horrible. I’m learning to trust the process. Also it took me about 6months to get over a relationship where the girl seemed to have been cheating as she moved on immediately we broke up. I made mistakes. Thanks for pointing these things out to us.
As long as you’re learning and not repeating the same mistakes over and over again you’re growing and eventually that will lead you to a place where you’ll give yourself the best chance of finding and keeping Ms. Right. I believe in you and you can do it! Thanks for writing.
I really enjoyed this article Doc and I think it particularly applies to me. About seven years ago my wife announced that she would be “leaving “. Like most men I didn’t have the first clue that this was coming and I certainly took it hard. I was angry.After the initial few months of shock I began to try to go out and meet women. I went to the usual places bars dance clubs etc. with very little luck. I became quite upset and frustrated with my situation. I earn my living as an attorney so I thought to myself that there must be a way to learn how to do this better. Because of the Internet, I ran across other love doctors telling me I can “get any woman I want “ if I just followed their methods. I just could not buy that one. One day, while reviewing an ask men email, I ran across an advertisement for the system. One of the first things that caught my eye was the fact that you stated upfront that you could not get any woman you wanted,But you could get better at the dating game and increase your opportunities. That convinced me to purchase the system and I studied it dutifully. I began training to be a better man. At that point in my life, I was 40 pounds overweight. While I was studying the system I began doing push-ups and sit ups every morning and got back in the pool and began swimming about a mile a day. I was training to make myself the best person I could be. The system helped me realize that this was the key. Within about six months I had regained my competitive swimming weight and lost those 40 pounds. I began to get better at dating although I certainly had my share of bad dates broken dates call back to verify dates and all the rest. But I knew I was headed in the right direction and more importantly I was really enjoying myself. I hadn’t been in this good of shape since I was swimming competitively in college and I was 54 years of age.This also help my practice as an attorney as many of the principles applied to cases I was working on. Within about another six months , I met the woman who is to become my wife. After studying her like a hawk for a year and a half we decided to get married. I found the real flexible giver who is self-reliant and loyal and beautiful. You have change my life. I wanted to put the story out there although you may have heard it before just so other guys could hear it again. This stuff really works! I am a Doc Love club member and Cindy and I listen to the show together every week. It doesn’t get much better. Thank you again Scott from Cincinnati
It’s awesome when you share your story and I really appreciate it. What a lot of guys don’t get is that you have to work to be the best version of yourself to increase your odds of finding and keeping Ms. Right. Of course you are not most men and you truly live THE SYSTEM (https://www.doclove.com/system). Again, thank you for sharing.