WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?
He's blaming her parents for stopping their wedding when he should blame himself because he veered from the principles of THE SYSTEM.
Thank you for your materials. “The System” has changed my life. I went from wimpus americanus to Casanova almost overnight.
Five months ago I met Kristina. We hit it off completely. Her interest was in the upper 90s the entire time. I did all the right things as far as waiting to call her and remaining a Challenge. She checks all the boxes as a keeper and is certainly a Flexible Giver. Unfortunately I let my Interest Level hit the upper 90s as well. Long story short, I ended up proposing to Kristina on a beach while on vacation.
Things were going great at that time. It was a bit stressful planning the wedding because we had such a hard time finding an available venue on such short notice. Finally, after finding the perfect place for the wedding, Kristina’s parents suddenly wanted to have a chat with her. After a three-hour talk, she decided that she wanted to postpone the wedding until we got to know each other better.
I got upset because I smelled a rat. Kristina’s parents told her she was moving way too fast and needed to slow it down. She insisted to me that she didn’t pull out of the wedding because of her parents, but I don’t buy it. She also insisted she wants to stay together. After a two-hour talk I told her I wouldn’t play second fiddle to her parents for the rest of my life and that I needed to think about things. I feel that what she should have done was say, “Thanks Mom and Dad, I appreciate your concern, but this wedding is happening.”
What should I do? I feel like Kristina doesn’t respect me now and that she is unreliable. I thought she was the one, but now I’m not so sure.
Coach me, Doc!
Tyrod - who is suddenly confused
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First of all, I want to thank you very much for having the ability to set your ego aside and realize that women don’t like Wimps!
You might have left your Wimpdom behind, pal, but unfortunately you’re not going by “The System” with Kristina. You’ve only known this girl for five months! What’s the big rush to get hitched? To you Psych majors, you don’t bring up marriage until at least a year to a year and a half after you meet the girl. Then, at the end of the second year together, you buy her a ring. So you really rushed this thing, Tyrod. There’s no other way to put it. You went way, way, way too fast. The problem is that after five months you don’t really know Kristina. Five months is not nearly enough to know a girl you’re going to spend 40 or 50 years -- and the rest of your life -- with. So this was a major blunder on your part.
Then you got the rug pulled out from under you by Kristina’s parents. The sad part of this entire situation is that they are right. That’s the problem here. You set yourself up for this mess, Tyrod. You said you know “The System,” but on the Doc Love Club Radio Show we often talk about how you have to wait for a year and a half to two years before even mentioning marriage. So you used “The System” to catch Kristina, but you’re not using it to keep her. And now her parents – normally “BLOCKERS,” or someone who’s trying to stop you from going forward with a girl – have stepped in. In this case, however, Kristina’s parents are not at all wrong for trying to stop the marriage. They should be worried about their daughter marrying someone after only five months!
What you should have done was go back to “The System” or called me for coaching, and then come to the realization that you were rushing this thing. So Kristina’s parents are in the right here, Tyrod. You can’t blame them for anything.
Let me explain something else to you, guy. Kristina agreed with her parents before they brought the issue up. That’s what you’re missing here. What happened here was that Kristina’s parents appealed to her sense of logic. And she must have had doubts of her own, otherwise she wouldn’t have gone along with them. They might be Blockers who are slowing you down with Kristina, but they are actually correct in their judgment of the situation.
The biggest mistake of all that you made was giving Kristina an ultimatum on her parents. You have a good girl here, she wants to keep you and she only wants to slow down a little bit, and her parents are right to suggest she not go ahead and marry you right now. So what do you do? You pull a power play on the parents! Dude, you’re not ready for marriage. You’re not grown up enough and you’re not going by “The System.”
What should you do? Get together with Kristina, and tell her that you were stupid to give her an ultimatum. Tell her that you will take as long as she needs before marriage. And assure her that you will give her as long as it takes for her and her parents to become comfortable with the idea of your marriage and that everything will be okay with you.
This situation has nothing whatsoever to do with Respect. You’re jumping on the wrong principle here. The problem is simple: YOU RUSHED. You don’t ask someone to get married after five months. So you were dead wrong in this. And Kristina is not unreliable at all. She’s actually been very reliable. For five months she’s been perfect. You just did a rush job and scared her and her parents.
I’m sorry to say that you read this situation all wrong, Tyrod.
Remember, guys: you don’t talk about marriage until you have at least a year and a half in with the girl.
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