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The age old question - can you turn a friend into a lover? Doc weighs in...
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Note: The reader's question and Doc's answer are 0% AI;100% Authentic
Hi Doc,
I've known a girl named Charlotte since I was in the sixth grade. We've always been close friends, always talking to each other about everything. We both started our first year of University together two years ago and at that time I didn't do so well and flunked out. We didn't have much contact last year while I was working and she was still in school, but this past summer things have changed. I called her up and asked her out to a movie, same routine we normally did. She said OK and came and picked me up (I don’t have my license anymore, another long story but not really relevant). So after the movie was over she invited me back to her place for coffee and we started talking to each other about our lives and what we wanted to do, that sort of thing. The next thing I knew we were kissing on her couch. It just felt natural, like it was something we were supposed to do.
We will see each other again this Christmas and I really want this to work out. I think she does too, but what I wanted to ask is: Am I setting myself up here for a bad fall? Is it possible that longtime friends can have a romantic relationship with one another? I know we're only 20, but I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I would like to spend the rest of my life with her. I know she has strong feelings for me too because she has told me she loves me and I can't think of a time in my life when on some level I haven't loved her as well.
Butch – who really would appreciate your opinion on this matter
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Wow! What a great woman you have! You flunked out of school and lost your license, and she still has feelings for you. Some girls would have dropped you for more petty transgressions, like not spending more money on them - but she hung in there. This is truly a success story. Don’t get me wrong guys, I always want you to put your best foot forward, but this shows you what a woman with high Interest Level will put up with.
She is also loyal, and loyalty is the most important virtue your future wife can have. If you don’t believe me, just imagine how devastating it would be to one day find your true love smooching with your best buddy. When a woman is loyal she tends to be trustworthy, and all successful long-term relationships are also built on trust.
Because you played it cool for 8 years, Butch, you allowed Challenge to work on her. That’s why when you kissed her, you didn’t hear: “Not so fast, Butch.” The “System” says: “the woman lets the man know when it is time”, and she let you know that it was time when she invited you back to her place for some necking. So in your unique case, yes, it is possible for long term friends to have a romantic relationship.
But guys, don’t be deluded by this statistical fluke. Most of the time, once a girl has decided that you’re her friend, getting her to switch tracks and start thinking of you romantically, is like trying to build your retirement nest egg at a casino. What you usually hear when you try to make the shift from buddy to boyfriend, are those five words that strike terror in the hearts of good men: “Can’t we just be friends?” To avoid this discouraging scenario, always let the woman you’re interested in know up front that you’re there to date her, not befriend her.
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Plus, claim access to his FREE 7-day dating course—no strings attachedButch, I think this girl is a good candidate for the long haul because she has high Interest Level in you and just as important, she respects you, despite your shortcomings. But before you two tie the knot, you should ask yourself: If I’m not capable of maintaining a valid driver’s license, would I be capable of maintaining a valid marriage license (a long term committed relationship with a woman)? Do you see what I’m getting at, Butch? So you have some work to do on your life skills before you ‘re ready for Matrimony. But I’m very optimistic that one day you will find yourself driving your new bride off into the sunset to your honeymoon hideaway.
Remember guys, loyalty is Numero Uno.
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