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In this week's post, a lady that says she gets hit on several times a week tried online dating and found basic mistakes guys make online and wanted Doc to expand on things and of course, he does...
Hi Doc!
I’m 28 years old and without bragging or exaggerating, I can tell you that I am very pretty and I get hit on several times a week. But just for fun I decided that I would be adventurous and see what type of guy I might meet if I tried Internet dating. Let me tell you about my experience online. In the first week of my membership, I received 700+ messages. It would be just about impossible to respond to all of them, even if I wanted to.
I am trying hard to be honest with those guys that I do not have a high Interest Level in, but they do not always make it easy! Some guys get really upset when I don't respond. One guy wouldn't stop sending messages to me, so I blocked him, and he opened a new account to bypass it!
Out of all the guys who have sent me mail I have gone on about four dates, and out of those, one seems promising. The guys that I have responded to have a certain kind of look that I’m into. (I only respond to profiles that include a photo.) They also demonstrate qualities of class and confidence in what they write about themselves.
But the things that a lot of these guys do are unbelievable. I got an interesting reply today, a small novel that was way too intimate. I just can't fathom how these guys think they will succeed when their methods are so wacko!
Maybe you can give men some guidance specifically for online dating and help them to stop doing things that turn women off.
Reva – who wants to help you educate guys
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Hi Reva,
Before we get to help the guys, I must first bust you on your Womanese. A woman who looks like you could go anywhere and get more propositions in ten minutes than the average guy gets in his entire lifetime. If you received 700+ responses in one week, you’re not “pretty,” you’re BEAUTIFUL.
Also, when you say that you decided to try online dating just for fun, I don’t think you were totally honest. What you really meant (I’m the first man in 6,000 years to be able to decipher the secret vernacular of females) was that since you haven’t met the kind of guy whom you’d like to connect with at work, clubs, parties or the gym, you were hoping that the Internet might be a more efficient resource for finding Mr. Right. So you didn’t do it just for fun did you?
But thank you for sharing your story with us. You have given us an interesting insight into the foxy female’s online experience, and we can learn from it.
First of all, guys, realize that any beautiful woman who has posted a picture on an Internet dating site is indeed going to be deluged with responses. A total of 700+ e-mails in a gorgeous lady’s in-box during her first week of membership are not an uncommon occurrence. Since she can’t possibly read all the bios, what does she do? She screens by checking the photos. She goes by physical appearance. (This is one way in which guys and gals are alike.)
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When you embark on the Internet dating adventure, guys, you need to have a realistic awareness of the odds that you face. Even on the dating sites with the highest ratio of women to men, we’re still talkin only about 45% kitty cats to 55% dogs. And any woman who is reasonably attractive will receive hundreds of responses. Whereas, the average guy will receive about one or two unsolicited responses from women every so often, unless, of course, he looks like George Clooney.
Now let me emphasize that when you initiate contact with a female member of an Internet dating service, you cannot be emotionally attached to whether or not you hear back from her. Say for instance, that you find a woman’s profile with a headline that says: “CALL ME CRAZY, BUT I’M LOOKING FOR A MAN WHO IS 6’6’’+, SPEAKS FRENCH AND LOVES TO SURF CALIFORNIA. LOOKS AREN’T IMPORTANT!” You are taller than the average NBA Forward is, you have a master’s degree in French and every summer you shoot the curl off the coast of California.
You politely inform this gal that, amazingly, you fit her criteria perfectly. But, to your astonishment you never hear back from her. In such a case, do not send more e-mail saying: “Hey, why didn’t you write me back?” Instead, simply remember this principle: Women will tell you what they want, but 99.999% of them are incapable of telling you what they will actually respond to. And besides, begging never raises Interest Level.
It’s definitely a numbers game on the net. So don’t waste her time or yours by sending a long letter when you first correspond. Certainly don’t send her a small novel (which she experiences as pressure). And absolutely do not send her a small EROTIC novel. Mentioning sex in any way is guaranteed to get you instantly rejected, unless she’s low class.
Instead, just pop off a quick note that says something like: “Hi Caprice, I enjoyed reading your profile, and I liked your picture. Check out mine and write me back if you think there’s potential.” Always apply the principles of “The System” whenever you are pitching a woman on the Net. Keep it short and sweet.
Since you’ll get somewhere between 1-2 responses for every 10 that you send out, and half of those will be rejections, send out messages to several gals. If you keep trolling and you’re persistent, you’ll wind up with some quality leads.
Remember, guys, dating online is a numbers game
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