She Gave You Buying Signals…But You Froze

DOC'S SYSTEM WAS CREATED BASED ON THOUSANDS OF INTERVIEWS WITH WOMEN - WHAT HE LEARNED FROM WOMEN IS TAUGHT TO YOU WEEKLY HERE.

THE KEY LINE:  The System asks do you usually play it so safe? While you’re busy doing only what you think you should do and not doing what you think you shouldn’t, your love life is going nowhere fast.

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Dear Doc,

I have this friend, I’ll call her Karen. Very pretty. She’s also a great dresser and she has a very “classy” air about her. Even though I’m not dating anyone right now, I’m not romantically interested in her any way. She’s just not my type physically. But we really do get along well. She’s like my one good female friend right now. We both love to play pool and we go out to this trendy pool hall in Hollywood together usually, on Tuesday nights. There’s really quite a scene going on there, even on Tuesday nights, and the place is just teaming with single women every time we go.

There’s a situation that keeps coming up when we’re out together that I’m not sure how to handle. It happened again just last night when we were at the pool hall. Karen had gone to the bar to get us a couple of beers. During the five minutes that she was gone, this exotic looking girl who had been playing pool with her girlfriend at the table next to us, walked right over to me and asked me for advice on how to properly hold the cue stick. She said her name was “Randa.”

Now I know from reading your articles that that was a sign of her having some Interest Level in me. She didn’t have to come over and ask for my advice. It was pretty obvious that it was an excuse that she had created to make contact with me. We joked around for a couple minutes, and I made her laugh. But she had already seen me with Karen. (Karen touches me a lot so in this girl’s mind, Karen and I were probably boyfriend and girlfriend, or at least out on a date.)

Then Karen came back with the beers. I wanted to ask Randa for her phone number but I didn’t because, first of all, I didn’t feel comfortable doing that right in front of Karen. Even though we’re just friends, I felt like it wouldn’t be a classy thing to do. And secondly, I was afraid that I would look like a sneaky cheat or a jerk in Randa’s eyes if I asked her for her phone number while I was with a girl who she most likely thought was my date.

Still, I’m not sure whether Randa would have cared about that or not. She did come on to me even though she had already seen me with Karen. Or maybe she came on to me BECAUSE she saw me with Karen. Anyway you see my problem here? And this situation has come up more than once.

So, Doc, what does your “System” say about dealing with this kind of situation?

Frankie – who wants to do the right thing

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Hey Frankie,

Is this the way you live your whole life, always sacrificing your needs for the approval of others? Do you usually play it so safe? While you’re busy doing only what you think you should do and not doing what you think you shouldn’t, your love life is going nowhere fast. There you are, out with your female FRIEND who you have no romantic interest in, and you’re afraid of offending her by making a play for another woman? Look, dude, if she’s your friend, then she’s your friend. That means she has the same status as a GUY who is your friend. As my cousin “Fast Eddie” Love would say, “Friends support and encourage each other when it comes to makin’ out.”

If you had asked Randa for her phone number right then and there, and Karen wound up being bothered by that, it would have meant one of two things. Either she’s not really your friend, or she likes you romantically and you’re oblivious to it. But, I’d bet that if you had made your move with Randa, that Karen would have been just as pleased as punch for you. You were afraid to risk Karen’s disapproval when there was no risk.

As far as Randa goes, she knew nothing about the nature of your relationship with Karen. No one said anything to her about Karen being your girlfriend. For all she knew, Karen could have been your big sister. Anyway, Randa was obviously giving you plenty of buying-signals. She didn’t seem to be so concerned about what Karen might think, so why should you have? I’m sure Randa wondered why the hell you didn’t ask her for her number.

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Frankie, you’re lucky to have a great woman like Karen who likes to pal around with you. I’d suggest that you take her out with you every chance you get and use her to help you meet women. You can help her meet guys, too. It’s called ‘The Buddy System’.

Karen obviously has a lot of ‘strike power’ and that only makes you look more alluring to the other kitty cats when they see you with her, as you’ve already experienced.

Remember, guys, if you have a beautiful female buddy, be sure to take her with you when you go out hunting.