Date Only Women With Flexible Personalities?

DOC'S SYSTEM WAS CREATED BASED ON THOUSANDS OF INTERVIEWS WITH WOMEN - WHAT HE LEARNED FROM WOMEN IS TAUGHT TO YOU WEEKLY HERE.

ACCORDING TO DOC YOU MUST ONLY DATE WOMEN WITH FLEXIBLE PERSONALITIES (AND HE DOESEN'T MENTION IT HERE, BUT DOC ALSO WANTED YOU TO BE FLEXIBLE WITH HER AS WELL - IT WORKS BOTH WAYS) - IN THIS WEEK'S COLUMN A WOMAN ARGUES WITH DOC ON THIS POINT...

READ ON...

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Dear Doc Love,

In a past column, you told one of your male readers to wait a week before calling a woman for a date. It's been my experience that it's easier to keep a starving Rottweiler away from his Alpo than a man away from a woman he's fascinated by. Because of this, if a man behaved in the manner that you recommended toward me, I would quickly assume that a) he wasn't terribly interested in me or b) he was playing a game. In either case, I would move on.

I expect clear signals and courtesy from a date if there is to be interest on my part. Genuineness is far more compelling than transparent manipulation. I assure you that I would soon lose interest in any man who waited so long to call me.

Barb who still believes in genuineness and manners

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Come on Barb,

Let me get this straight – a man meets you once, and now his new responsibility is to call you to “check in” if he cannot go out within seven days? That’s a very short leash for a guy who barely knows you! Shouldn’t you wait until you are married?

First of all, I doubt you would even enforce this rule if you had high Interest Level in the man. If a guy you had 92% INTEREST LEVEL in got your number, you would accept a date if he waited a week to call - in fact, you would even accept a date if he waited a month! Why? Because Interest Level cuts through everything – even your seven-day rule. If a girlfriend pointed out to you that the guy hadn’t called you in weeks, you would quickly rationalize, “It’s OK. He’s probably busy.”

As for the question of courtesy and manners, I fill volumes about the rudeness guys frequently tolerate - for example: the broken dates due to her Mother’s sickness, her parakeet having a stroke, or her remembering at the last minute that she has to study for the State Bar. I could go on and on, but I’ll save that for another time. Suffice it to say, courtesy and manners should go both ways – don’t you agree?

The fact is: your seven-day rule would give you many false rudeness readings. Suppose your new gentleman friend was in the middle of moving his business and didn’t even have time to shave? Or, what if he had just started a new job and had to hit the training manuals for his boss that weekend? Or, what if he had already made two commitments – though he would rather be with you? Your seven-day rule doesn’t provide for the possibility of any previously made obligations. Not very reasonable or flexible, wouldn’t you say?

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You would also fault my students for not giving you “clear signals” nor showing enough of their Interest Level, yet you know that those things do not have anything to do with raising your Interest Level – in fact, they can only lower it.

In the beginning of a relationship, the woman wants to think she is getting a stud – not Mr. Predictable. Romance and its permutations fascinate her, but if man acts like every other guy, she doesn’t feel that excitement. Why? Because she’s looking for someone different. When a guy fascinates her with a different approach, her Interest Level goes up. Conversely, when a guy behaves predictably, like begging to her voicemail while she laughs and drinks a glass of wine with her girlfriends, she drops her Interest Level. Barb, judging by the way you compare a man with high Interest Level to a starving Rottweiler, I know you already agree with me on this. What a high opinion you have of those who would give you such clear signals!

Guys, it is virtually impossible for a woman to know the reason why you do not call her within two days like 90% of the guys - but even if she knew you were following The “System,” that would still be OK. Why? Because you are showing her that you understand women, which makes her respect you more.

Guys, you want a woman who either assumes you are busy during the week (Heaven forbid, Miss Right might think you have other dates!), or says to her, “OK. He may be trying to play it cool, but I can play along” - in other words, a woman who views your self-control as part of the courtship dance, not manipulation. Will a guy get such a response from a woman? Yes, if she has 51% Interest Level – preferably a lot higher - and she is flexible (one of the required female strength qualities).

Barb, if you had turned down a date with one of my students while telling him seven days was too long for you to wait, he would have been relieved. Why? Because he would know you had saved him time and money! He would have said to himself, as he hung up the phone, “I can only imagine the other rules she’s saving for her future boyfriend! How structured can you get? It is her loss – not mine!”

Barb, you’ve got to learn to lighten up...

Remember guys, you have to learn to court only flexible women.