Can A Woman With High Interest Level Break A Date?

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THE READER WANTS TO KNOW WHY HE'S GETTING GHOSTED AFTER WHAT HE THOUGHT WAS A GOOD DATE...

READ ON...

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Hi Doc,

I’m having a problem with a girl I met online. On our first date, I came to her house with flowers and took her to a nice restaurant. I thought it went pretty well; we had a nice dinner, went for a walk and visited the Jefferson memorial. During the date, we held hands, cuddled, and talked about getting together again on Sunday. I took her home, got a goodnight kiss and a big hug.

I called her the next day, but she wasn’t around - so I left a message on her voicemail. We didn’t go out on Saturday because I had to go to a wedding, plus, it wouldn’t have been right to go out anyway. I called her again on Sunday and left another message.

That Sunday afternoon, around 3:00 PM, I sent her an e-mail. She responded fairly quickly, saying she just woke up and was sick. She said she was sorry, but she had to break our date.

My question is, do you think she likes me? She seemed like she did on our date. I know I like her a lot - I was planning to send her flowers to her work this week. She gave me all the signs that she liked me when we went out, and vice versa. What should I do now?

Help!!!!!

Larry – who thinks he is lost from the D.C.

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Hi Larry,

I wish your girl liked you as much as you like phones! The good part is, you didn’t make a date for Saturday. The bad part is your Interest Level is so high that you cannot see the forest for the trees, in particular - you cannot see that this girl is giving you the runaround! But have no fear, Larry; when I’m done with you, you will see the forest, the trees, and the leaves when it comes to romantic love!

Pretend for a minute that you are in one of those movie battles, driving your Range Rover at full speed trying to get out of town. Bullets are flying everywhere, but luckily, you make it to the outskirts of town. Now all you have to do is negotiate miles and miles of craters and land mines to get home. Scary scenario, huh? Dating should be so civil!

What you need is a navigation tool that will allow you to maneuver the treacherous roads of dating. The “System” is that tool - it is the only reliable guide for your love choices. So let’s buckle up, Larry, and let’s see what The “System” reveals.

When your girl said she was too sick to go out and your messages weren’t not getting returned after you left voicemails, alarms should have gone off in your head. These things indicate that your girl is concocting alibis in order to avoid you. But even more important than these discrepancies is this question: does a sick woman with high Interest Level ever break a date? Answer: if she has high Interest Level, she will show up to your house in an ambulance if necessary - with an IV sticking out of her arm! At the very least, she would have offered you another day and time to go out – not just an overused excuse.

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To answer your question straight on; your girl isn’t acting like someone with high Interest Level. She may have been interested before, but she isn’t now. Whether her change was due to your actions or due to her true Interest Level finally coming to the surface isn’t your concern – your objective is to correct your mistakes for the next girl. So, forget sending her flowers, calling her, or even e-mailing her - you’ve done enough. Instead, let’s focus on improving your dating performance for future dates.

Your first mistake was making a date on a date. If you had waited until the following week to ask her out, she would have been wondering if it were you every time the smartphone beeped. This would confuse her, and thus, raise her Interest Level. By asking her out so soon, you never gave her a chance to think about you while you were gone.

Also, while you were at the florists buying roses for the first date, did you ask yourself, “Am I being a Challenge by doing this?” or “Can buying her a dozen roses this soon possibly make her think – rightly or wrongly - that I’m a lonely guy?” Of course you didn’t. If you had followed The “System,” you would have asked yourself those questions – and walked out of there with your wallet in tact. After all, if it is right to give her flowers on the first date, then why stop there? Why not just give her an engagement ring and set the date for the wedding?

My point is, by making a date on a date and buying flowers too soon, you telegraphed your intentions, and removed all Challenge from the situation. Larry, you’ve got to learn to back off. You cannot act like you just got out of Leavenworth when you are with a woman because - believe it or not - she won’t find it appealing!

Like most men, you have been brainwashed to believe that showing your high Interest in a woman will help your cause. But from the woman’s point of view, this notion is laughable. The only thing that counts to Miss Right is that you pass the Physical Attraction Test and raise her Interest Level through confidence, self-control, and especially – by being a Challenge. Most men don’t have the patience or the self-control to allow the woman to come to them. They would rather rush into rejection and save everybody time.

I do not want you to think I am negative, Larry. I think being in love is the greatest feeling in the whole world - but it doesn’t last for most. I want to reverse this phenomenon by coaching guys like you to be a little “cooler.” Does this make sense?

If a woman likes you, and you practice Challenge, I promise you, Larry, she will begin to chase you - and if she is chasing you, she cannot be leaving you.

Cheer up, Larry. Believe it or not, there is hope for you. I am pleased to say you did two things right and only seven things wrong. The first glimmer of hope was when you said “Hmmm” after calling Miss Right’s on Sunday. Your stomach was telling you that her mom, who you thought was helping you – was really helping Miss Right avoid you. Pretty good, Larry - most guys would have talked to voicemail for 6 weeks before they finally got the drift!

The other glimmer of hope came when you chose not to go out Saturday because of your date on Sunday. You knew instinctively that you would have been doing too much, too soon - which would have been anti-Challenge. Carry that feeling with you when you are with the next Miss Right – it will serve you well.

Remember guys, Challenge is the key to inspiring the woman to want to keep you.