She Said He Was A “Player” And Blew Him Off??? | Doc Love - Dating Advice For Men

She Said He Was A “Player” And Blew Him Off???


(Editor's Note, this letter was written before Doc's death in August, 2020 but still relevant as Doc's principles are timeless).

Hey Doc,

I’ve been reading your articles for a long time now. And now I’m at the point where I feel like I need your help.

I met Flame online. I would consider her my perfect girl. She rejected me once, saying that I was a “player,” which is arguable but on the other hand somewhat true. After a couple of months I made another attempt to prove her wrong, since she’s the only woman I’m interested in.

Anyway, after a long exchange of messages, I finally got her to agree on going out for dinner. Since Flame has a very busy schedule at the hospital where she works, she was the one who decided on the day and time for our date. I went to the restaurant a little early and sat at the bar waiting for her. Three minutes past our scheduled meeting time she texted me that she was stuck at the hospital and didn’t think she was going to be getting out any time soon.

That was a few days ago. Flame hasn’t contacted me since. At this point I don’t really know if she canceled on me because of work or she came, saw me through the window, and decided to leave, which I really don’t want to believe. She already told me that I made her feel smothered, so I’m not really sure if I should call her. What should I do? Any advice for someone in my situation?

Thank you in advance.

Stanislaus - who’s baffled as to his next move

There are hundreds of videos on Doc's YouTube Channel - here's the latest one:

9/12/2023:  He went out on a few dates with her and really likes her but now she's talking about a long distance relationship?  Now what should he do? Doc answers 

Hi Stanislaus,

I’m sure you’ve been reading my articles forever, but you haven’t actually invested in “The System.” Why not? Why is it that one guy will read three of my articles and say to himself “Doc Love really has the answers, I’m going to buy his bible right now,” and another guy will read my articles for years and not do anything to advance his knowledge and expertise? Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Right there is the core of your problem, boy – you do everything half-assed!”

So you’re at the point where you finally need my help. I got news for you Stan: if you had memorized my book, you wouldn’t need my help now.

You tell me that Flame “rejected” you once already. Stan, what in the world are you thinking? This girl’s already gotten rid of you. You never even got to first base with this woman. Like my cousin Doctor Love says, “Sure, she’s the only woman you’re interested in, but unfortunately for you she’s the only woman in the world who’s not interested in you.”

Why were you engaged in a long exchange of messages with this woman? Another mistake. Instead of all that wasted back and forth, you should have just asked her out. Again, you’d have known exactly what to do if you’d read my book.


Okay, so you “finally got her to agree” to go out with you. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Did you actually have to twist her arm?” Now listen to what you’re saying here. You know the old saying about following the line of least resistance being the best course of action? You do the exact opposite, Stan. To you Psych majors, if you think that unrelenting pressure works on a woman, this proves the exact opposite.

Then Flame didn’t show up when she was supposed to for your date. Do you know how to count, Stan? This is twice now that Flame has dumped you. You guys always talk about your Interest Level, but the only issue of any importance is what her Interest Level -- VIA HER ACTIONS -- says toward you. In case you don’t know, I’ll tell you what it’s saying: SHE’S NOT INTERESTED IN YOU.

Why should Flame contact you after canceling your date? She’s just being consistent. You need to face reality, buddy. You had two shots at this girl, she hasn’t contacted you since your canceled date, and what that indicates is that you’re beating a dead horse. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “Persistence only works if she has at least 51% Interest Level.”

I don’t know why you’re rationalizing about whether this girl saw you and decided to beat it. Because the point here is actually very simple – it’s a broken date. And Flame even picked the day and the time for you to get together, so it’s not like you did it and she went along with it even though it didn’t fit her schedule.

So what do we have here? You contact a girl online, she calls you a player, accuses you of trying to smother her, and it’s been all downhill ever since. Stan, you have to face the facts: this girl has not helped you one iota. She has not done one single thing to tell you that she likes you, and all you talk about is how she’s the perfect girl. For what? For who? And by the way, let me point out that Flame accused you of smothering her by just talking to her on the phone – you haven’t even gotten together with her yet!

What should you do? You have to get my book and memorize it, Stan. Because what you would learn in those pages is that the MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR IN ANY RELATIONSHIP IS THE FEMALE’S INTEREST LEVEL, and this girl’s Interest Level in you is 0. ZERO. But your Interest Level in her is 90%, therefore you’re doing what we in psychology call “projection.”

What’s my advice? No offense, guy, but you don’t know the first thing about women. Absolutely nothing. Nada. Again, get my book and memorize it. And remember, when you find somebody that likes you, it’s a lot easier than going out with someone who doesn’t like you.

Remember, guys: just because you like her doesn’t mean she has to like you back.

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