This article originally appeared in the Doc Love Club - to join for more articles like this click here and don't forget to get your 10% discount on THE SYSTEM/DATING DICTIONARY here - it's the book that's changed thousands of lives around the world - are you next?
(Editor's Note, this letter was written before Doc's death in August, 2020 but still relevant as Doc's principles are timeless).
First I would like to thank you for creating “The System.” It worked for me and has definitely changed my life. I am a frequent reader of your articles and a lot of the advice you give hits home and makes sense. But having read through all of your material and practiced it, I still am in need of some more coaching.
I was in a relationship with my ex, Ranita, for 19 months. We are seniors in college. Our relationship had its ups and downs, but overall, things were amazing. Our only problems were in dealing with her “pro single-life, anti-marriage” friends. After nine months she decided to move in with me. The relationship grew in strength and we decided to give each other promise rings as a sort of pre-engagement. The engagement was to take place after I graduated.
As time went on, the little things started making us grow apart because we sank into a routine. Ranita decided to move out, but our relationship continued for another few months. We finally broke up five months ago but continued to hang out on a regular basis. We would text all the time when we weren’t together and she always pushed for us to get back together, but for some reason I could only say no. I wanted to say yes, but didn’t because I thought it was what I wanted at the time. Three weeks ago everything finally clicked and I truly realized that I missed Ranita and wanted her to be my girlfriend again. But when I let her know how I felt, she told me that she’d met someone else and doesn’t want a relationship right now. Now it has gotten to the point where she doesn’t know what she wants and wants to take some time to herself.
The confusing part for me is that Ranita continues texting me and talking with me but only wants to see me if we work out together. She tells me to go out and meet new people, but when I do, she gets super-jealous. I realize I have turned into a wuss, but I’m not sure what to do. I love Ranita and want her back.
Doc, is there anything else I can do? I realize that neediness and not being a Challenge have lowered her Interest Level because she knows if she wants me she could have me. How do I get her Interest Level up again?
Avenir - who feels like he lost his future wife
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You start out by saying that “The System” worked. But you should be saying that it WORKS. If it worked for you once, why are you through with it? To you Psych majors, “The System” is a constant practice. It’s not something that you use for a little while and leave in the past. So you’ve got the wrong idea here, my friend. Most guys don’t pay attention to “The System,” and that’s the problem in America today. Most guys will read three or four of my articles and will tell me that they can’t find one principle they disagree with, but then they’ll just go on their merry way and continue to mess up with women. It makes no rational sense.
Now I’m trying to get this straight. You and Ranita had your ups and downs but the relationship was amazing. Huh? You’re contradicting yourself, Avenir. If you have no ups and downs, that’s when the relationship is amazing.
How did you happen to get involved with Ranita’s pro-single, anti-marriage friends? And why in the world are you arguing with them? When they blast marriage, just keep your mouth shut or say, “I understand what you’re saying,” even though you disagree with them 100%. Like my cousin General Love says, “Never let the enemy know what you’re thinking, soldier.”
Then things went south. Like most men, after you got the woman to fall in love with you, you didn’t think about a maintenance program to keep her Interest Level in the 90s. When you slip into a routine, you take the woman for granted, and then Interest Level drops. Then you’re in trouble.
When Ranita moved out, right then and there you were dead in the water forever, buddy. Once the girl moves out, whether you’re married or not, you’re out, there’s no going back, and everything you do afterwards is a complete and total waste of time. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “The only thing you should do when she doesn’t want to live with you anymore is go out and hustle new phone numbers.”
You two broke up after Ranita moved out? I’m SHOCKED! How did that happen? Face reality, Avenir. You didn’t break up after five months. She broke up with you when she moved out. It never ceases to amaze me how most of you guys brainwash yourselves, how you rationalize everything that goes wrong in a relationship. Ninety percent of the guys out there don’t want to take responsibility for their actions. If the girl loves you and now she doesn’t love you, whose fault is it? Is it the girl’s? No. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Look in the mirror, dummy!”
If you told Ranita you didn’t want to get together again when she begged you, then you’re the one acting goofy. You’re telling me you love the girl, but when she wants to get closer to you, you tell her no. What’s going on in your head, dude?
You might have come to the realization that you wanted Ranita back, but what was she thinking? That’s the important thing. Because like the great Doctor Freud once said, “Just because this revelation went on in your head doesn’t mean that it went on in hers.” And don’t forget for a second that she met someone else -- which means that the only person she doesn’t want a relationship with right now is you.
Anytime a girl utters the words “I need space,” or “I don’t know what I want,” or any other such Womanese, that means you’re OUT. You’re finished. And this is what Ranita’s telling you, Avenir. They all use the same lines. I don’t care if the girl lives in Bangladesh or Bangor, Maine, it’s the same.
What you don’t understand is that now you’re just a token ex-boyfriend who Ranita goes to the gym with when she has nothing better to do. That’s all. She has ZERO Interest Level in you. Hey, women with high Interest Level always want you to go out and meet new people. Duh! Ranita doesn’t get super-jealous, guy. If she were super-jealous, she wouldn’t tell you to meet new people, unless of course she’s a complete whack-job.
What can you do now? Go back and memorize my book, which you didn’t do in the first place. If you did memorize it, then you forgot it, because ”The System” teaches you to be a manly man, which you’re certainly not right now.
Can you revive Ranita’s Interest Level? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “My son, the only way you could push it up again is by hitting the lottery.”
Remember, guys: when she moves out, it’s over.
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