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(Editor's Note, this letter was written before Doc's death in August, 2020 but still relevant as Doc's principles are timeless).
I’ve got a situation that I’m not sure I know how to deal with. I’m a 22-year- old engineer working and living in Boston. About six and a half weeks ago I met Teena, who I seemed to instantly click with. Well, at least to me it felt like we clicked. I had just started reading the Dating Dictionary at the time and I tried to adhere as much as I could to what I learned from the book.
I got Teena’s number, but it turned out unfortunately that right at that time I learned that I had to leave town on business for five weeks. I tried to call Teena the next day. I know this was too much too soon, but I thought it would be better than waiting five weeks before calling her and telling her that I’d been called out of town. Anyway, I got no answer, which was probably just as well because I broke the rules of “The System.”
So here’s my problem. I like this girl a lot and I am reasonably certain that she likes me, but it’s been six and half weeks now since I’ve talked to Teena, and to me that feels like it’s been too long to call. She happens to be friends with one of my buddy’s girlfriends and I’ve been trying to arrange a “meet,” but it doesn’t seem to be working out. So basically my question is this: is it too late to call Teena for a date? If it isn’t, what should I say to her?
Thanks for any help, Doc. You’re the man.
Bilbo - who wonders if he should have heard from her
Have you checked out Doc's latest FREE video: DON'T RUIN YOUR NEW RELATIONSHIP (REMEMBER, THE NEXT VIDEO COMES OUT ON 12/4/2022 AND IT'S ABOUT WHAT DO YOU DO AFTER YOU GET HER NUMBER)
You should have waited a week to call Teena regardless of where you were in the world, my friend. The main point here is that you NEVER call a woman the very next day. Slow down, man. She’s not going anywhere. What are you, a desperado? You should have waited a week to call this lady, and then told her that you were out of town for a month due to the demands of your job. Simple.
You don’t have to wait five weeks to call a girl. And Bilbo, you didn’t have to call Teena from Boston. You just pick up your iPhone and call her from out of town.
Guy, even when you’re abiding by “The System,” you have to be able to use your head and think creatively. It’s true that my book instructs you to wait a week to call the girl, so you have to wait a week to call. But rather than make a date when you call, just tell her you’ll be out of town for several weeks.
Think about this: if the woman has any real interest in you, that month-long waiting period will make her crazy. The point is that even this early absence will drive up your Challenge quotient – and HER Interest Level. And it will show her that you can function in the world like a self-confident, self-sufficient man without running to the phone and calling her at the first opportunity.
When you did call her before you left town, you should have left a message. You were acting as if you’re not allowed to call a girl because you were going to be away for a while. What in the world gave you that idea?
How can you say that you like Teena a lot, Bilbo? You know nothing about her. What you mean is that you’re infatuated with her because she could pass for Megan Fox’s twin sister. All you know is that she’s gorgeous. And by the way, what does “reasonably certain” she likes you mean? You don’t have a clue what she thinks or feels about you. You haven’t even been on one single date with her!
That said, even though all this time has passed, you have to call Teena. The fact is that you should have called after one week, but you already blew that.
Forget about trying to arrange “meets” with this girl. Leave other people out of your love life. All they’re going to do is mess it up and make it worse than it already is. You’re lucky your buddy’s set-up attempt isn’t working out.
It’s not too late to call Teena and ask for a date. Just ring her up and act like nothing happened and hope that she remembers you. And if she asks where you’ve been, tell her you had a business meeting and had to go out of town for several weeks. In other words, just tell her the truth.
You shouldn’t have heard from Teena, Bilbo. The girl is not supposed to call the guy; the guy is supposed to call the girl. Your mistake was A) that you thought you had to ask Teena out within 24 hours, which you didn’t, and B) you should have phoned her when you were out of town.
Remember, guys: you have to learn to think on your feet.
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