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(Editor's Note, this letter was written before Doc's death in August, 2020 but still relevant as Doc's principles are timeless).
I’m a 24-year-old man who works as a personal trainer. I bought and read “The System” and I thought all my troubles with women were over. However, this is far from the case. In fact, I think that I had more success with women before I got your book.
I’m a good-looking guy, which might be part of the problem. Do good- looking guys have to do anything different than the average guy when it comes to dating? What exactly are the rules when women make comments on your looks? Not too long ago a friend was telling me that girls don’t like to have relationships with good-looking guys because they think the guys are more likely to cheat on them and that they’re mostly interested in us for a one-night stand. And in fact I’ve had women approach me very aggressively at parties and try to take me into a back room. When I didn’t give them what they were after, they wanted nothing to do with me. I’m not a one-night stand type of guy.
To make matters worse, older women are always trying to pick me up and I always seem to have trouble with girls my own age. Another friend – a woman – told me that girls my age find me “intimidating.” Rarely a day goes by when one of these “desperate housewives” doesn’t hint at going out with me or even makes an overt sexual comment. Perhaps you could help me with that one?
Here’s a specific example of my problems. I knew Shannon, who’s around my age, from the gym, though I never asked her out. Recently I went up to her, made small talk, then asked for her e-mail address. She wrote down her phone number as well and said, “Call me sometime next week.”
I waited six days to call, and when I did she said, “Can you call me back later? I’m about to eat dinner with my family.” I said, “This won’t take long. I’m going to Dairy Queen on Sunday and would like you to join me.” She said, “I’m working all weekend.” There was no counteroffer. A few days later I e-mailed her, saying that she seemed like a very busy person and asked when a good time to call her was. I never got a reply. That means that her Interest Level dropped below 50%. Now obviously it was above 50% when she gave me her e-mail and number because she went out of her way to write them down. What caused her Interest Level to drop? I hardly said anything!
Doc, I’ve followed your techniques as closely as I know how. Am I doing something wrong or is there something wrong with these girls?
Alex - who’s sick and tired of being frustrated
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I know you’ve got my book, but right there’s your problem – you bought it and only read it, and that’s not enough. What have I told you guys again and again? In order for the principles to sink in, you have to commit it to memory. You have to log more study time, my friend.
Let’s talk about this “problem” you have with your looks, and let’s think about you’re saying. You start out pretty good with women, right? And you go out and get another book that makes you even better with women, right? But after you read the book, whatever mojo you had with the ladies suddenly drops off. Maybe it’s because what you were reading didn’t sink in. Did you ever think about that?
Now let’s take a look at your next statement: “I’ve got a problem -- I’m a good-looking guy.” Wow. Every other guy on the planet would kill to look like The Rock or Idris Alba so how the heck can that be a problem? Like Doctor Freud says, “Son, you’re living in an alternate reality.”
Alex, you’re good-looking. Out of 100 guys you’re in the top eight. How could you actually buy my book and maintain that being good-looking is a drawback? Sure, things are different for good-looking guys when it comes to dating. Like the Reality Factor points out, “They talk a lot less because they don’t have to sell themselves as much.” Want to know what you say when women comment on your movie-star looks? You say thank you very much. You smile. You’re a gentleman, remember? Be gracious.
So, in your universe girls don’t like to date good-looking guys. Then how is it that good-looking guys always have girls? It’s a half-truth that women only want you stud-muffins for one-night stands. And what do I tell you in the Dating Dictionary? Don’t listen to half-truths. Alex, what book did you buy? I don’t think it was mine.
Listen, when they want to take you into a back room, pal, it proves you don’t look like Danny DeVito. But you’re not a one-night-stand type of guy. Hey, why would you want anyone using and abusing that beautiful body of yours?
It’s true that you’re probably a little intimidating to some girls because you’re so good-looking. It means they know that other good-looking girls are after you. “Kitty Kats Kompete,” remember? Now I’m sure you didn’t memorize my book! When you get a blatant come-on from an old lady, just say: “Thanks, but I’d prefer going out with your daughter.”
Well, it’s good you didn’t ask Shannon out right off the bat. You were able to figure out that you were going to see her all the time at the gym, so you didn’t lose your Self-Control, move in like a battering ram and try to close. But then your clear thinking crashed.
Alex, why in the world didn’t you go for Shannon’s phone number when you finally made your move? Why did you ask for the e-mail address? In my book I only tell you 68 times to ask for the phone number, and you go and ask for the e-mail. This is so basic, man. It’s like walking up to a house, expecting to get in, but not pushing the doorbell! What were you thinking? Were you thinking at all?
When Shannon ordered you to call her next week, know what you should have done? Called her in two weeks to show her you have a backbone. But you don’t, and that’s why you didn’t. That’s okay. Ninety percent of your brothers don’t either.
But hey – you waited six whole days to pick up the phone. I’m shocked you held out that long! When she told you to call back after dinner, that was Womanese for “Why don’t you call me back in about 39 years?”
But then you hit on the idea for Dairy Queen, expecting to turn the tide. You were going to take Shannon to Dairy Queen? Dude, you gotta stop throwing your money around on these girls! If you’re springing for dates like Dairy Queen, you better be the owner of the health club!
Guy, the second Shannon told you she’d rather eat than talk to you, you should have gotten out of there. You made a double fool out of yourself.
What you don’t get about Shannon’s Interest Level was that it plummeted way back when. Alex, I hate to break this to you, but 40% of the women who give you their phone numbers have low Interest Level. Maybe Shannon prefers doctors to personal trainers. Or maybe that Dairy Queen offer was just too overwhelming for her to deal with and she couldn’t think of what to wear.
What caused Shannon’s Interest Level to drop? I can’t believe that you own my book. You might be able to bench-press 350 pounds, but when it comes to common sense, you got problems. Following my techniques “the best you know how” is your biggest problem. Sixty-eight guys ask for the phone number like I tell them to in my book, and here you are asking for an e-mail address. Have you checked your reading comprehension lately?
The younger girls aren’t doing anything wrong. They’re doing everything right by rejecting you. Get into that library every Sunday for four hours with your yellow marker and start highlighting and MEMORIZING. The reason you’re having problems with females, dude -- and I don’t care if they’re 18 or 58 -- is because you haven’t got my book down cold.
Remember, guys: even if you’re as gorgeous as the Gods can make you, you’ll still talk yourself out of the deal if you don’t understand “The System.”
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