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(Editor's Note, this letter was written before Doc's death in August, 2020 but still relevant as Doc's principles are timeless).
Let me be one of the thousands to commend you on your articles. I have yet to purchase “The System” but intend to do so in the near future. I hope you can give me your expert opinion on my situation.
I met Mora during college and we went out for three years. I am an Australian citizen while she’s from Malaysia. Last year we both finished our degrees in Australia. I stayed in Australia and Mora headed back to Malaysia because she told me her father needed help in the family business.
We agreed to make our relationship work because we were so in love. We called faithfully and exchanged romantic e-mails and handwritten letters. But some weeks ago she unexpectedly told me over the phone that while on vacation she had time to herself away from the bustle of work and concluded that our relationship wasn’t going to work out because she may never come back to Australia.
I didn’t agree to this and spent the next two weeks calling Mora and trying to change her mind. I even asked her to marry me but she declined.
Before we broke up she said the following: “We are made for each other” …“I can’t live without you”…“I want to be with you forever.”
When I recounted this to her, she said she only meant it “at the time.” How can a person mean those things one day and not the next?
I know you’re asking why I don’t go and work in Malaysia. If I did, I’d have to take an 80% pay cut and, unlike Mora, my dad doesn’t own a business there. I have a better chance of becoming successful in Australia.
Mora assured me that she’s not breaking up with me because she has another guy, and I have no choice but to believe her. What’s frustrating is that our relationship died not because of incompatibility or infidelity but because of circumstance.
Mora will be visiting soon because she has to collect some things that I kept for her. Should I hope that we would be reunited, or just move on? I feel a lack of closure because it’s the first time I’ve been dumped over the phone and we never shared our last moments together.
Geordie - who’s about to go insane
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I appreciate that you’re thinking of investing in yourself. But I look at the clock and I think about the party you’re going to tonight and how without “The System” you’re not going to be as smooth as you could be. And how next week you’ll be at a singles club and there’s going to be a girl you like and you’re not going to get her phone number. And I hear the tick-tick-tick of time and I think…“When?”
In other words, pal, you have to stamp a date on this, as in “In 3 hours I’m buying this book even if there’s a nuclear war!” Unless you make the commitment to help yourself, you’re never going to do it. Losers make vague promises about the future. Winners make commitments.
The family business was the second reason Mora left. The first was because she had low Interest Level in you. It wasn’t you two who were so in love – it was YOU alone. Mora fell out of love. That’s why she crossed the ocean. If she loved you, she’d become an Australian citizen and tell pops to work it out for himself.
But Mora knows she’s never returning Down Under. And what’s all this BS about getting away from the bustle of work to clear her mind? It’s got nothing to do with Interest Level. (You’d know that if you’d read my book.) School, business, even when her mom’s really sick -- none of that lowers Interest Level. The Reality Factor says, “Only YOU can lower her Interest Level.”
You should have agreed to breaking up, Geordie. Why would you want to go to a party where you’re not invited? Instead, you tried to change Mora’s mind - waste of time.
Look at it this way, pal. You did everything you could. You asked Mora to marry you and she said no. You have to say to yourself “I had three great years with this girl and it’s over.” But the love of your life walked out on you and you’re going to get my book “someday.” What if you met a new girl next week? Will you repeat your mistakes? So, get my book one of these days – but don’t rush into anything!
I’m sure Mora said all kinds of wonderful lines when you were together. (One of my favorite chapters in the Dating Dictionary is “Actress.” You’ll love that one!) She wasn’t lying when she said she meant all that stuff – at that split second, she did. But you lowered her Interest Level over a three-year period and that’s what you didn’t realize. It’s not actually the very next day that she didn’t mean what she said. It happens in increments. That’s how a girl can say such lovely things and then 90 days later you’re out. It’s because her Interest Level dropped -- slowly. Like the dripping of water -- eventually there’s no water left.
Hey, I’m not asking why you don’t go and work in Malaysia. Are you sure you read my articles? Didn’t you read the ones about begging and chasing or my number two rule, “Never try and keep someone who doesn’t want to keep you?” But there’s no hurry – get my book later.
There’s one other reason you neglected to mention about why you should stay put in Australia. You have to find a new girl. Because the one in Malaysia doesn’t care for you. She moved to another country to be with her father, she doesn’t know if she’s ever coming back to Australia, and you asked her to get married and she said no -- hey, this girl’s definitely in love with you!
Of course Mora won’t come out and say she dumped you for another guy. Whether or not she does is a side issue here. But I’ll tell you something – I’ll bet she’s got one!
Your relationship didn’t end because of circumstance. But like I say in my book, GEOGRAPHY IS A KILLER. If you’d had my book, maybe you could have saved this deal before Mora’s Interest Level traveled to Malaysia. Theoretically you might have been out after two and a half years, and she said to herself, “Well, I can’t dump him now because I still live here. Ah! I’ll tell him Dad needs help, then I can go back home and that will be my big excuse, as opposed to the real truth: Geordie lowered my Interest Level due to his comportment.”
Why don’t you mail Mora’s things to her? Why would you want to see her? Haven’t you been battered enough already?
I think you should move on. While you’re at it, get in touch with reality. Like most men when they like a girl, what you do is RATIONALIZE. To you Psych majors, rationalizing is dangerous because then you’re out of control and you’re not facing reality.
You did share your last moments together, dude. It’s just that the end came sooner than you realized.
Remember, guys: don’t rationalize by believing her excuses.
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