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(Editor's Note, this letter was written before Doc's death in August, 2020 but still relevant as Doc's principles are timeless).
You have my word that when I come up with an extra C note that it’s going to you. You’re a genius.
This particular situation has been bugging the crap out of me. I just turned 20 and I’m well on my way in my career as an electrician. I’m tall, in shape, and for the most part women are attracted to me. I’ve known Tina since high school. We had a few classes together and were friends, but we never hung out because she had a boyfriend throughout high school. The guy was a spoiled private school kid who drove around in the Mercedes his parents bought him. He wasn’t the most attractive guy nor did he have a great personality.
Anyway, I found out that Tina and he broke up about six months ago. So I sent her a message through social media, we chatted and agreed to go out to dinner. When we went out, the conversation was good, but not the best it could have been. I wasn’t as relaxed or humorous as I usually am because Tina is a stone cold fox. She’s the hottest girl to ever come out of my high school, hands down. I got the vibe that she was really into going to college and that she looked at me as just a kid who went to junior college for one semester, dropped out, got some tattoos, and works in a trade.
Then she threw me a curveball. “So…what made you ask me to hang out?” she asked. I could tell that she meant, “I hope you don’t think this is a date or anything.” I didn’t know what to say since she caught me completely off guard. I just figured that if a guy asks a woman out to dinner, sets a date and time, picks her up and takes her to a nice restaurant, that it’s considered a date -- correct me if I’m wrong.
Anyway, I froze. I just kind of sat there for a second with a stupid grin on my face, and said, “I don’t know, what made you say yes?” Tina came back with “Well I just didn’t want to say no,” which I interpreted as “I didn’t want to look bad, so I said yes.” Then I said, “I’ve had a crush on you since high school.” She just gave me a look, and I said “I take it you don’t want to date anyone right now?” She said no, not for a while. So I told her, “In that case you can pay for your own dinner.” I said it in a joking way, and when the check came, I ended up paying for her anyway. Looking back, I wish I hadn’t. I took her straight home. When we got to her house I was going to walk her to her door, but she insisted that she didn’t need me to, so I didn’t. She leaned over for a hug and said “I’m sure we’ll hang out again,” thanked me and walked.
Where did I go wrong and what I can do to salvage it? If I can’t salvage a dating relationship with Tina, I would at least like to salvage my dignity. Thanks, Doc!
Baxter - who feels used
When you say that when you come up with a C note you’ll send it to me, it really means I’m never going to see it. As the old adage goes, “Winners make commitments, losers make promises.”
You might not have liked Tina’s ex, but maybe she was into rich kids with classy cars, did you think of that? Remember, she was only in high school at the time. Like my cousin Doctor Love says, “When a girl is in high school she asks ‘What does he drive?’”
But more importantly, Tina is a “10.” Dude, that’s exactly why you need to memorize my materials! Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Do you realize what kind of trouble you’re in when you start chasing after a Beautiful Woman?” Memorizing my book will put you at ease, Baxter. You’ll be Confident because you’ll have product knowledge about what you’re dealing with. To you Psych majors, when it comes to playing with Beautiful Women, you have to be completely on top of your game to even have a chance of winning.
That said, you shouldn’t feel bad about yourself for being an electrician. There’s nothing wrong with being a high-paid tradesman. Lots of guys in the power trade make darned good money, so don’t put yourself down.
Now, as soon as Tina wanted to know what made you ask her out, you were dead in the water. What you should have said was “Oh, I remembered what a great personality you have,” and never mentioned her looks. This babe caught you off guard because you don’t have my techniques down. My friend, when you have my book memorized, you’re NEVER going to be caught off guard again.
You’re not wrong to think you had asked Tina on a bona fide date. But what you have to realize is that this girl had absolutely ZERO Interest Level in you from the get-go, even back in high school, and that’s where you made your biggest mistake. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Nothing that you did or could have done would have helped you in this situation, my son.”
What made Tina say yes to the date? Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “She just wanted to go out for a free meal, boy.” That’s why the conversation was lousy, Baxter – this babe wanted to go out and spend your money, then never see you again. Simple as that.
You actually went and told Tina that you’ve had a crush on her since high school? Great! Like my cousin General Love says,” You’re going down in flames and now you’re pouring more gasoline on the airplane.” Real smart, Baxter. What are you going to do next, call her up and beg her to marry you?
To compound all these errors, you asked Tina if she was looking to date anyone. You should have said are you looking date me, since you were begging as it was. You toned your question down to make it look like you were included in the other hundred guys she doesn’t want to see. She’s open to dating guys she digs, Baxter; she’s just not going to date you.
But then you got all uptight and told Tina to pay for her own dinner. Classy. Very classy. That’s exactly what Cary Grant would have done. I have to tell you, man, you don’t know what’s going on.
Of course you ended up paying for Tina. Beautiful Women never pay for anything. Where did you get the idea that the ringers for Megan Fox are supposed to pay for dates? Now I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you haven’t even touched my book!
Tina insisted that you not follow her to her door because that way you couldn’t kiss her. Like my cousin Doctor Love says, “This lady knows what’s going on, son.”
She said you’d hang out again because when her fridge is empty or she’s bored she’ll call you up and ask you to take her out. Then you can complain about paying for her lobster dinner and end up paying anyway like you did last time. You never should have brought that topic up, Baxter. It shows you have no class.
What did you do wrong? You didn’t have my book and you went out with a Beautiful Woman. There’s no bigger waste of time for a guy.
You can’t salvage your dignity here, pal. You already blew it by asking Tina to pay for dinner. In her eyes, you have no dignity. You ought to forget this girl. Like I said earlier, she had absolutely no interest in you from the beginning.
Remember, guys: when you go on a Starbucks date, it’s a lot cheaper than a lobster dinner.
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