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Hope all is well with you. Doc, I slipped up last night.
First, let me give you a little background. Yancy approached me on the street and asked me for my phone number. I got hers as well. I was completely prepared to wait a week to call her, but after just four days she called and asked me out. It was an incoming offer, so I went.
When we went out, I kept everything light and funny, no heavy subjects, no putdowns, no compliments, and no touching. Yancy was doing all the touching and talking. I didn’t kiss her. The next day she left a text message saying “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I had a lot of fun last night and I really enjoyed your company.”
Well, Yancy and I were out on our second date last night when she found the Dating Dictionary under the seat of my truck. (I forgot to take it out before I picked her up.) She flipped through it, then asked me to explain Interest Level and Womanese, which of course I did. She seemed to respond positively to the explanation. Then she asked me what I thought her Interest Level in me was, and I lied and told her 60% to 70%.
I know that it’s actually higher. Did I hurt my cause by breaking down Interest Level and Womanese to Yancy? Afterwards she asked me to go to dinner and dancing with her the next night. It was back-to-back dates (which I know from your book are no-no’s), but since it was an incoming offer I said yes.
Doc, do you think I should disappear now to build up more Challenge? What do you think about all this? Am I doing the right thing?
Thanks for your time. I love you, man. You’re the best.
Sonny - who doesn’t want to give his plan away
First of all, I want to make sure I got this straight. You’re telling me you were walking along a public thoroughfare, Yancy saw you and said to herself, “Know what -- I’m going to walk up to this dude and take him out?” For a guy like me who faithfully watches Mindhunter, it’s pretty darned scary. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “There are lots of loons lurking around out there!” If Yancy were my little sister, I’d be very concerned with her accosting a strange man.
But you two made a connection. Now think about this. Ninety percent of the guys in America would have called Yancy within the first two days of swapping numbers. The other 10% are pretty sharp with the girls. And I’m talking here about guys who haven’t been schooled on my techniques. I know you guys think I’m beating up on you all the time, but I’m really only beating up the dumb 90%, not the slick 10%. But by utilizing “The System” and a waiting period, you got this girl to crack up. Another guy would have been on the horn to Yancy within 48 hours of meeting her, and never allowed her the possibility of calling him. To you Psych majors, you scored an “A” in PATIENCE.
Your behavior on the first date was classy. I just hope you made Yancy laugh. And it’s good you didn’t touch her. Remember, you picked this girl up on the street, okay? Remember too that you can always kiss later. But in this circumstance, which I call an Advanced Class, because you just met this girl, and because of where you met her, you didn’t have to employ the usual “Kiss Test.” To you Psych majors, we’re slowing things down. And again, this is because you were complete strangers on a street when you met – which still bugs me.
But you flubbed it when Yancy text-messaged you with what a great time she had and how much she enjoyed being with you. You should have responded to this in a very laid back way: “Tell me some more. I’m very intrigued.” In other words, you should have played with it. You could have gotten some humor out of that incoming missive, but you didn’t.
Know what you should have said to this babe when she found my book under your seat? “I trained that guy. I taught Doc Love everything he knows about women. Then he went and wrote that book. It should have been me.” And said it with a straight face. She would have been totally impressed, and you would have been in the driver’s seat.
But you never should have had the book in your truck in the first place. What is your cherished Dating Dictionary -- an almost sacred tome that is loaded with TRUTH -- doing underneath a seat in a truck with the cobwebs and fast-food wrappers? Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “You got some dried squirrel skins under there too?”
Instead, for that second date you should have vacuumed and washed your car and blackened your black walls. Your vehicle would have been in perfect shape then, in case Yancy’s a cootie freak. And that way you would have noticed my book and taken it out of there and you would never have gotten into the situation and had to answer questions. But we can still clean this up.
Viewed from another angle, it’s good that Yancy discovered it because it allows you to test her attitude. If she concludes, “I hate to admit it, but this Doc Love is right on as far as dating goes,” then you got yourself a potential keeper. But if she doesn’t get it, she’s going to be brutal to deal with.
Your answer to her question about her Interest Level wasn’t humorous. To boot, you didn’t shoot a question right back at her. Like my cousin General Love says, “Soldier, you’re on the front line, and you have to move forward!”
Here’s the rule – when a woman hits you with a tricky question, you’re supposed to come right back and be a clown. As the proverb goes, “If you’re not a clown, Grasshopper, you’re gonna be the fool!” When Yancy tried to pin you down on her Interest Level, your snappy comeback should have been “I don’t what it is now, but I’ll tell you this: at the end of three months -- if you make it that far -- it’s going to be in the nineties!”
But you didn’t significantly hurt your cause. Because women know that men hate any type of self-help when it comes to relationships, and Sonny, you stepped out of that box. So she has to be thinking: “Look at this guy – he’s got the guts to buy a self-improvement love book. He’s not only got courage, he’s got brains!”
Where you did screw up was when she asked you out for the very next night. It’s true that I tell you to accept the date if it’s incoming, but you should never accept a date when you’re on a date. Let’s say she asks you to a wedding in two weeks. You answer, “Can we talk Wednesday?” We want this girl coming at you – calling you in the early stages because it demonstrates high Interest Level. And that’s our main goal here -- gauging her Interest Level.
I know I tell you not to talk about the future, but in this case we want the girl to call you. If she says, on the spot, “Let’s set the date now,” then she’s closing you, which indicates high Interest Level. But what you’re doing is testing her, studying her, you’re finding out exactly where she’s coming from in terms of her Interest Level.
So again, even though it was incoming, never take a date on a date. Tell her you’ll talk later. Or even better, hand her their favorite line out of the Encyclopedia of Womanese: “Let me check my schedule first. It’s at work.”
Here’s the good part. You’ve only been in this girl’s presence twice. Everything looks great, and by the third date she knows whether you’re going to be around for a while. And so far this girl’s doing everything right. The only red flag is that there are so many nuts walking the streets.
Sonny, you’re lucky Yancy’s Interest Level was in the nineties when she spotted you loitering on the pavement. But you have to go six more dates. You have to make it to nine or 10 dates. So let her contact you by text message. If she doesn’t, you know what to do. Give it some time, then call her and ask her out for date number four.
The only thing you shouldn’t have done was accepted the third date.
You’ve got to learn to pace yourself. The biggest problem men have in relationships is RUSHING IN.
Remember, guys: you have to spoon-feed yourself; otherwise, she’ll get bored.
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