HE DOESN'T REALLY FIND HER ATTRACTIVE SO HE NEEDS TO LET HER GO...
THE SYSTEM says that we don't hurt women or waste their time - that's exactly the two things he is doing so he needs to stop ASAP.
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Dating Women Podcast #249:
Don't try to be a "tough guy" when trying to get past a breakup - you'll just prolong your agony
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I’m one of your oldest fans and I have found your “System” to be very true. However, I have a problem that I can’t find a solution to, and I hope you can help me with it.
I’ve been struggling with this issue for three months now and it’s still not resolved. No one among my friends is wise enough to give me what I consider to be solid advice.
I met Sandrine a year ago, and during this period we got so close to each other that we started talking about marriage. My problem resides in me, and not her. I love the girl very much, and she has every good point that you’d want in a wife except for one – her looks. It’s not that she’s unattractive, but she’s not a “10.” Unfortunately, looks are very important to me. I know that if I resolve this issue I can go forward in my life with confidence in my decisions.
This is the way it works, Doc. Despite the fact that I love Sandrine, when a Beautiful Woman approaches me I feel that there’s a hole inside me which needs to be filled, a hole that my partner, despite all of her good points, cannot fill. Why? Because I feel like I have a need for a Beauty.
I know it sounds crazy, but if I love Sandrine, why can’t I be satisfied with her? Another thing that bothers me is that if I dump Sandrine, what are the chances that I’d find a Beautiful Woman with all of her attributes? I know I’d have to be very, very lucky.
Doc, I’m not a novice when it comes to women. Sandrine is my ninth girlfriend, and I’ve seen beautiful things in both her mind and heart that I never saw in any of my exes.
I am desperately in need of your coaching.
Sharp - who doesn’t know if he should cut her loose
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
Thanks for the compliment. It’s too bad that your friends can’t help you, but my job is to help you see the forest through the trees, and that’s what I’m going to do.
I just hope it was Sandrine and not you who brought up the subject of marriage, because it’s the woman who should always bring up marriage – it proves her Interest Level beyond the shadow of a doubt. But if Sandrine’s less-than-spectacular looks are a problem, then you don’t love her very much, pal. So you just contradicted yourself. Do you love her or don’t you? As the old cowboy saying goes, “You can’t have it both ways.”
So, you’ve got a fixation on hotties, and you don’t feel like man unless you have one hanging off your arm. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “My son, if physical beauty is so important to you, maybe you should run a modeling agency.”
But looking deeper into your impasse, what’s obvious is that we’re really talking about two different issues here. The compulsion to possess a Beautiful Woman is one side of the coin. It says that you’re a certain kind of guy, the kind who values outer beauty as more important than what’s on the inside.
But then you turn around and talk about an emptiness in yourself, and that’s another subject altogether. Now I don’t have a sheepskin on my wall, but I can tell you this...
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