YOU CAN'T KEEP HER IF YOU TURN INTO A WIMP...
THE SYSTEM says that she responds to MYSTERY, CHALLENGE and HUMOR - there is nowhere where it says that she loves WIMPS - but some guys allow themselves to get that way as they get more comfortable...
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I’ve been inspired to write to you after reading your columns, and I’m going to purchase “The System” right after I send this letter. Everything you say makes absolute sense to me. Not too long ago I came out of a four-year relationship, dumped by my very first “true love.” All of your concepts explain EXACTLY why it happened! I had become besotted and obsessed with my ex. My constant chasing had killed her Interest Level, but I was too blind to see it. In short, I was a complete wimp.
I met my current girlfriend, Sheena, four months ago. I hadn’t heard of your techniques then, but my tentative actions increased her Interest Level – I was being a Challenge without knowing it. On our first dates, I was light, funny and confident. I told Sheena I wasn’t sure about getting involved. This didn’t seem to discourage her – in fact, it made her want to get involved with me. She even asked if I wanted to go back to her place and I actually said, “No, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
After a few more dates, she was really into me. She asked if I would phone her and I said, “Don’t take it personally. I just don’t like the phone.” From then on, she phoned me and left message after message. When I saw her, she was all over me! I teased her that she loved me but was too embarrassed to admit it. Then one evening she actually told me that she did love me. I didn’t say it back and she asked why. I said, “When I tell you, I want to be absolutely sure.”
Now, four months later, I’ve fallen head over heels. I’m becoming a wimp again. I’ve bought Sheena gifts, written e-mails, and started nagging and begging. Then I found your articles. But I’m finding it hard to use your principles because I’ve fallen hard for this girl. Going back to being a Challenge is tougher than I thought. It was so much easier when I didn’t love her! Most of all, I always want to know what she’s doing. I get insecure, wondering what’s going on.
How can I get through each day at work without worrying constantly? Most of all, how can I manage my insecurity and anxiety because I want to be in touch with Sheena all the time?
Myles - who’s desperate not to be a wimp
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DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
Lots of guys, for one reason or another, will hang back with a girl, and they don’t know it but they’re being a Challenge. What they’re going to do -- hopefully -- is continue this behavior throughout the entire relationship.
Telling Sheena you weren’t sure about getting involved with her was good insofar as being a Challenge went. But there was nothing funny about the tactic. In fact, it was heavy-handed, and we always want to keep it light and funny. What if when she brought up the topic of long-term relationships you said, “I’d love to get married, but I’m already married.” Funny, right? With this technique you don’t answer her question dead on -- you sidestep it, and then you come right back with a dose of sarcasm.
And what you should have said when she asked you to go back to her place was...
The rest of this answer is available to Doc Love Club Members Only and you can find it here when you join.
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