HE DIDN'T APOLOGIZE TO HER, DID HE? I MEAN, COME ON MAN!
THE SYSTEM says you have to make a strong play - win or lose - with her. This guy apologized to her for making her write an email where she blew him off. Ugh...
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Cherry is a designer I met through a mutual business contact. I am a tile setter and did a few jobs for her. She said she would like to get together for a drink or dinner and we did. At the end of the evening we hugged, and I said I’d like to take her out again.
I called her a week later and we made a date for a lunch and a museum. I was so nervous that my hands were shaking while we were eating. I’m not sure if Cherry noticed, but it seemed that she changed soon after that. At the end of the date she gave me a hug and I gave her three daisies. I waited five days, then called her and got her voicemail so I left a message about getting together on the weekend. I didn’t hear from her and let the weekend pass. On the following Tuesday I called again, and again I got her machine. I knew something was wrong, and thought back to my shaking hands. I said that I wouldn’t be mad at her if she had a change of heart but I did want her to understand that I didn’t want anything to happen to our growing friendship.
A few days later I got an e-mail from Cherry saying that her heart was not in a relationship but that she would like to continue the friendship. I then wrote back saying that I was sorry and that I was growing fond of her and felt bad that I made her have to write the letter in the first place.
I didn’t hear from her for a few weeks until she called wanting me to do a small tile-setting job for a client. Then she asked me to come to her home to pick out a paint color for her walls, and maybe we could go out together and pick up the paint. Now I’m getting really confused about what she wants. I know enough not to jump into anything too soon but how should I handle this? Is it possible that this is a second chance for me? I plan on just being myself and not looking for anything that isn’t there, but thanks for any advice you can give me to help my cause.
Wesley - who’s trying not to get his hopes up
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DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
Why in the world are you telling this woman you want to take her out again? Putting aside the popular myth that women want guys who spill their guts, let’s suppose that Cherry wants a man who plays it cool and would rather drag his interest out of him. Well then, you blew it, pal. To boot, the goal is to try and read her Interest Level, and the way to do it is by not coming on heavy. To you Psych majors, if you come on like gangbusters you’re going to LOWER her Interest Level.
It’s okay that your hands shook when you were out with Cherry. I don’t know if you’ve memorized my material yet, but either way we’re going to help you. Let’s say you knew your hands were going to shake – that it’s happened before. Well, then, you should have done something else with this girl where she couldn’t see your hands shaking – like take her to an IMAX movie. Then do it for two or three dates until you get comfortable with her and your hands stop shaking.
But of course Cherry changed after she saw you doing Saint Vitus’s Dance. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “She looked over at you and saw you juggling, but she didn’t see no balls in the air!” So why would she want to go out with you again?
But her lack of interest wasn’t stopping you, dude. You went ahead and presented her with a bouquet. Why are you giving this stranger flowers? We want her wondering how many women are chasing you, versus how many women are rejecting you because you’re needy and you come on too strong. How did you think this girl was going to interpret your mushy gesture? Remember, guys, unless...
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