THEY WORK TOGETHER, NEVER WENT OUT AND HE STILL GOT THE "I NEED SPACE" SPEECH...
THE SYSTEM says relationships at work are difficult to begin with but they are doubly difficult - if not impossible - when the guy is CLUELESS!
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Dating Women Podcast #234:
Do NOT be BRAINWASHED - good relationships DO. NOT. HAVE. TO. BE. DIFFICULT. People that say relationships are difficult are not in the right ones...
HAVE YOU PLUGGED INTO YOUR FREEBIES YET?
I am a new student who wishes he had your book 15 or 20 years ago as it’s really opened my eyes to the key to successful dating and it would have prevented me from making the same old mistakes again and again. I am now 35 and I hope it’s not too late to change the way I go about things because up until now my dating experiences have not exactly been what you would call successful.
Now here’s my problem. I was getting close to Sabrina, who I work with. Then she asked for some space while she sorted things out at home with her boyfriend, who she lived with. I took this to mean that her Interest Level in me dropped and that she was saying this to prevent my feelings being hurt. I backed off and was polite to her when I saw her at work and made small talk when necessary, but I tried not to let my very high Interest Level show.
Last week Sabrina moved out and has now gone home to stay with her mother. I’ve avoided her at work, as I don’t want to be in her face while she is going through what must be a very stressful time. Is this the right thing to do? The last thing I want is to put any sort of pressure on Sabrina or make her feel awkward in any way. I must stress that she didn’t move out because of our relationship, because there isn’t one. She moved out because she was unhappy, simple as that.
I guess what I’d like to know, Doc, is how you would have played things and what should I do in the days and weeks ahead? Should I just forget about Sabrina even though I really like her or should I keep giving her the space she wanted and then ask for a date in the future? If so, how long should I wait before I ask her?
One last thing. I bought Sabrina a book she’s interested in. Should I give it to her? If so, when? I just wanted to do something nice for her to cheer her up a bit.
Many thanks, Doc, for all your time and help.
Tyson - who hopes he hasn’t already screwed it up
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
When you say you made mistakes over and over again, you really said a mouthful. What a guy doesn’t realize is that when he goes out with Sally, then Lynn and then Mary, and they all dump him; they dump him for some variation of the same reason. If he’s a Macho Boy, they dump him because he tries to dominate. And if he’s a Wimp, they get rid of him because they get tired of giving the guy orders. But the common denominator is waning Interest Level.
But rest assured, Tyson, as long as you’re breathing and you love women, “The System” will help you tremendously.
You say you were getting close to Sabrina. Were you trying to get close to her, or – and this is the vastly more important question -- was she trying to get close to you? Because what we have to be talking about here is not your Interest Level – it’s her Interest Level. Her Interest Level is the only thing that matters – not yours.
On to the issue of space. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “Man, anytime a babe uses the word ‘space,’ you’re in deep trouble.” Because when she pulls out that dreaded word, it means her Interest Level in you is drooping into the 40s or the 50s (most likely the 40s).
It’s possible that Sabrina’s Interest Level dropped, but more likely it was never there in the first place. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “Maybe you were just projecting your Interest Level onto her like most males do.”Gosh, Tyson, you couldn’t really have read my book and believe that this girl’s “protecting your feelings,” could you? Where in the world did you get that idea? Like my cousin Doctor Love says, “Son, you gotta lay off the Jack Daniels!” Again -- women only care about their Interest Level. If they don’t have high Interest Level, they could care less about you. It’s the nature of the beast. Like the Reality Factor says, low Interest Level means...
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