MAKE HER JEALOUS AND SHE'LL LIKE HIM MORE? UM...
THE SYSTEM says that you need to look at what got you to the point of her losing interest and not do a last ditch thing like trying to flirt with other women in front of her to up her INTEREST LEVEL.
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How the Golden Rule can help you with Ms. Right
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I’m a regular reader of your column. I think you give great advice on all aspects of dating, much better than the other love doctors out there. Now I’ve become a regular listener of your radio show and podcast as well. Please keep up the good work. Lots of us guys need it.
But I have a question that I don’t think you’ve ever dealt with.
First, let me tell you my situation. I’ve been dating Sasha for about three months now. I was unbelievably attracted to her from the start (she’s 26 and a real hottie), and though I tried my best to stay a Challenge, I couldn’t help myself from slipping into the worshipful “Nice Guy” syndrome, after which, predictably, she began to lose some interest in me.
But here’s the good thing. It’s my assessment that Sasha’s Interest Level is still at least 51%, although I have sensed it fading lately. By this I mean that she still accepts dates once a week and we have a pretty good time when we’re out. Needless to say, I’d like her to be completely in love with me, but I don’t know if that’s going to happen.
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Now since I’m a good-looking guy myself, I always catch women looking at me wherever I am, even when I’m out with Sasha. So here’s my question: is it okay to flirt with these other girls when I’m with Sasha? Since her Interest Level is declining anyway, will it have a positive effect on her? In other words, if other women find me attractive, doesn’t that increase my desirability to Sasha? Or will it only hurt my cause? I’m confused on how to handle this.
I recently heard a never-married movie star with a long track record of dating beauties say that women only like bad boys. I know flirting with other girls doesn’t make me a bad guy, but it shows I can’t be controlled.
So far I’ve kept my flirting to a minimum, smiling back when a girl smiles at me, but I can’t tell what effect if any it’s having on Sasha since I’ve stopped short of asking other women for their phone numbers when I’m with her. But if I’m going to lose her anyway, I might as well have some fun in the process, right? Maybe I’ll even meet someone new.
I’d like you to weigh in with your thoughts on this. Thanks, Doc.
Andre - who’s trying to kill two birds with one stone
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
What you’re suffering through right now is the biggest romantic affliction in the world, so you can take some comfort in the fact that you’re not alone. Once a guy’s Interest Level hits 90% or above, he just loses it. He’s a goner. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “Love is a drug.”
Here’s the problem when you’re all hung up on a knockout: your head’s not right and you’re not thinking straight. It’s like the woman is a cobra who got her fangs into a mouse – you – and you’re just paralyzed. And there you are saying to yourself, “I’m so in love with this girl! I’ve never been in love like this before! I can’t live without her!” And it’s only the fourth date!
It’s great that your Interest Level is soaring around the stratosphere, but guess what? At the end of the day you guys all give in and collapse – because the drug is too strong. And the drug is called BEAUTY.
Andre, your girl didn’t lose some interest in you. She lost a lot of interest in you. Jeez, you’re bragging about a 51% Interest Level? You’re hanging by a skimpy vine from the side of a mountain looking down 4,000 feet to the bottom of the ravine and you’re proud of it? I got news for you – you’ve already slid off the mountain to 40% Interest Level. It’s over and you don’t even know it. Now Sasha’s going to keep you around just to see how much pain she can inflict on you before she finds another poor dumb fish to sink her hooks into.
And you know why she keeps accepting dates? Because she’s just...
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