JEKYLL AND HYDE HAD TO GO!
THE SYSTEM says that when you are getting back and forth Jekyll and Hyde behavior from her then she has to go and you should not feel bad about it like our reader did.
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Recently I had to make one of the hardest decisions of my life -- to break up with my girlfriend of nine months. I find myself second-guessing whether I did the right thing. I often feel sorry for the person I break up with. This leads me to try and make the relationship last longer than it should.
Here’s the story. I’m a traditional, confident, attractive (I’m a former model) med student in his mid-twenties. My parents have a model marriage, something I hope to emulate one day. I somehow got mixed up with a girl I thought was traditional too. Shannon was sweet, funny, delicate, and morally sound. She claimed to be very religious and went to church on a regular basis. I was amazed to find such a great-looking girl with a solid background. She chased me relentlessly and of course I was a Challenge and only responded to her pursuit on occasion. I made her laugh, and kept things light.
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As she became more comfortable with me (around the four-month mark), she showed red flags that I made the mistake of ignoring or choosing to live with. For instance, I found out that she would go to wild parties and sometimes got intoxicated to the point where she almost passed out. Talk about classy -- a 120-pound girl taking shots like a sailor! I was shocked, but didn’t react. She cried, and said she made a mistake. She told me she wouldn’t do it again.
Then I found out that her ex-boyfriend still called her and professed his deep feelings for her. He did this even though she told him she felt nothing for him, and that she was deeply in love with me. I asked her why she still talked to him and she responded that they have common friends and that as a Christian she didn’t want to be “mean.”
It turned out that she’s the type of girl that loves attention. I know all women do, but Shannon seemed really in love with it. She would dress scandalously, brag about turning heads at social gatherings, or shocking her boss and customers at her job since she works in retail. I understand that this is part of life, but I didn’t like the fact that she seemed to enjoy it so much. To top it off, she claimed that when she has children, she’d never change a diaper or wake up if the baby’s crying at night. Some great catch, huh?
You’re probably asking why I stayed so long. Well, she promised she would change. However, with time her true colors always shone through. It was like I was dealing with a Jekyll and Hyde character. On one side of the coin was this very sweet church girl, and on the other a party girl who craved attention and getting her own way. Very confusing.
Anyhow, I got tired of being disappointed and realized the situation had no long-term potential. It got so bad that I didn’t trust her whenever she went out. I’m not possessive or jealous, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask for someone to control herself. When I did end it, she kept calling me until finally I had to change my number. I’m not going back to that hell-hole.
I guess what I’m asking, Doc, is what I should do to make sure this never happens to me again. I was raised to expect the best in people and that given the right circumstances, people can change. But it seems to me that when people change, the changes are usually superficial, and they go back to whom they really are. I’m a good guy, and I know I deserve better. I just want a nice, sweet girl.
Ben - who wants to protect himself in the future
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
Breaking up with a girl shouldn’t ever be a tough decision. It should be a piece of cake. Your problem is that you didn’t leave sooner. This goes for most guys out there.
But you’re sitting around feeling sorry for these castaways. Why, Ben? Do you think they sit around feeling an ounce of sympathy for you when they cut your heart out with a razor? Guy, as my cousin General Love always says, “Dating is war!” If you let a bad relationship drag on, you’re just fighting reality. And my principles are all about facing reality – the sooner the better.
Guess what, man? Shannon might have looked clean and wholesome at the start, but down deep, she’s nothing like your dear old mom. She went to church all right, but apparently not enough. It only seemed like she had a solid background, but unfortunately for you, appearances was where it ended.
But it’s great that you responded to Shannon’s pursuit of you at first. Some guys would have held back and rubbed Challenge in her face, but that’s not the rule. You should give in once in a while. Setting an inconsistent pattern means she’s never going to be bored. This is great – so far.
Because Shannon’s true colors came out at the four-month mark. In other words, you stayed an extra five months for nothing. You threw away five months of your life and money and you probably lost some of your...
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