SHE WANTS THAT GUY INSTEAD OF HIM? UM, YEAH...
THE SYSTEM says that you need to do the right things and this guy thought he was in solid with his girlfriend but as we dig deeper he was not - to the point where she is interested in another guy now and it blindsided our reader (even though it should not have).
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Before I ask my question, I want to thank you for all the great advice and time you put into helping out all of us guys.
My dilemma is more painful than I’d like to admit, and I really need some good advice on this. I’ve been with a beautiful young woman named Stephanie for nearly four years now. I’m a civil engineer in my late twenties and she’s almost through college on a full scholarship. Our relationship has been quite possibly as good as it can get. In these four years we have never gotten into a fight or even a loud quarrel. We have been talking about marriage and our financial future is secure.
Now here’s the part that just baffles me. Up until a month ago our relationship was absolutely great, we told each other everything, and we were still crazy for each other in every way. (My friends couldn’t understand how we were all over each other after four years like we’d just met.) Well, for the past few weeks Stephanie has suddenly been in a hurry on the phone and sort of ignoring me at times. The reason for this – and I found out from her – is that a guy has been trying to get her to date him. This guy is only 18 and works at a fast food restaurant! The guy and I know each other, by the way.
Needless to say, I’m furious, but did not show my anger towards Stephanie. After all, I’m angry with the other guy, not her. Just yesterday I found out that this guy, who is apparently very persistent, invited himself and a friend to go with Stephanie and her friends to the mall and the movies. After the movie he pulled her towards him and kissed her. She said it threw her for a loop – as in surprised, not as in fireworks.
But now she isn’t sure if we should separate and try dating other people! Needless to say, I feel like my heart has just been ripped out of my chest. Actually, I’ve not felt this kind of pain since my own father died when I was 11, and that is a lot of pain.
Please give me some advice if you can, Doc. I feel completely torn apart and devastated, which is funny since I’m a big guy who played football and you’d never know how I feel by looking at me. I can’t seem to clear all the confusion in my mind. My perfect relationship with this Beautiful Woman has been changed overnight.
Please let me know what you think about all this. Thanks in advance.
Swiftie - who doesn’t know if he can deal with it
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
I’m not only helping guys, pal. I’m also helping out lots of other people – like all the ladies of the world. Why? Because I’m trying to make Cary Grants out of the men in the world.
Now wait a minute here. You’ve been going out with Stephanie for four years and you never had a disagreement? As my cousin Jethro Love would say, “There’s a problem here, my boy!” Because there has to be a reason – and not a good reason – you two never had it out even once. Is it because you’ve always given in, like a nice Wimpus Americanus? Is it because you’ve been doing the perfect imitation of a doormat? Did you just go along with whatever Stephanie wanted from day one? Or did she give in to you all along but deep down inside resented it – and, eventually, you?
Your financial future might be as sewn up as Bill Gates’, Swiftie, but I wouldn’t count on anything else if you marry this girl. Not having even one air-clearing argument in four years is a BIG RED FLAG.
You say you told your girl everything. And now you’re sitting there telling me my advice is great, but you know that one-third of my program says that you guys have to keep your mouths shut and be a Challenge. So what’s the deal -- have you followed my rules, or only Stephanie’s wishes?Here’s another, more devious problem you have and don’t even know it: when Interest Level starts heading south, WOMEN FAKE IT. When Stephanie’s Interest Level was tumbling from a lofty 95% to 85%, she only pretended it was 85%, but it was really 75%. And when she got tired of faking it, all of a sudden...
*Why finding a good woman starts with liking women.
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