HE NEEDS TO BREAK OUT OF HIS SHELL TO GET MORE #'S!
THE SYSTEM says that you just need to go for it - he needs to stop thinking so much and just break out of his shell when it comes to asking for #'s - what is the worst that can happen?
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First let me say THANKS, because I’ve learned so much from you!
I’m 26 years old; currently unemployed, and have never had a long-term relationship with a girl. While on vacation with my friend recently we saw lots of girls in restaurants, bars, theaters, even in church. My friend is a scientist, very articulate, and has a girlfriend (who he cheats on, incidentally), and whenever we encountered a female he would encourage me to go up to her and get her phone number. If I’m interested in a girl I naturally take the initiative and try and get her number. But I also have this “sixth sense” that tells me whether a girl is interested in me and prevents me from wasting my time chasing a lost cause. My friend kept urging me to forget my intuition and just go up to her and get her number. His philosophy is that I should get as many numbers as I can, don’t put all my eggs in one basket (which I tend to do by getting fixated on one girl at a time) and that way I won’t get hurt.
Anyway, while we were on this vacation I caved in to his nagging and approached a girl at a nearby table in a pub and asked for her number. Now I’m not shy, and excuse me for being pessimistic, but from previous experience I was convinced that this girl wasn’t going to give me her number. She hadn’t been looking at me, for one thing. My friend said he’d accompany me to the table when I went.
We both went over, made some small talk, and then I asked for her number. Surprisingly, she gave it to me, but frankly, I’m still questioning why she did. I figure she must be playing with me since I can sometimes be naïve on the uptake in social situations. She lives about an hour away, and it’s been a few days and I haven’t called her yet.
The reason I’m writing you is that I feel that I know myself and pick up on girls’ lack of signals to me, but my friend is always after me for not taking opportunities that supposedly present themselves. I hate feeling pressured to have to do something when I don’t think it’s going to succeed. Am I being too down on myself? Any advice you could give me on this conflict would be deeply appreciated.
Walker - who doesn’t like to go against his instincts
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
First of all, thanks for the thank you.
Now, my friend, are you out there pounding the pavements for a job 10 hours a day? I certainly hope so. What are you saying to all these girls you’re meeting when they ask where you work? Are you telling them you’re between careers? At 26 years old, I hope you’re not telling them you’re waiting to hear on your application at the local Burger King. To you Psych majors, they only want to know you when you own 38 or more franchises.
Walker, if your buddy gets away with cheating on his girl, you can learn a lot from this guy, though the two of you have it only half right. It’s good that he encourages you to be aggressive and get phone numbers, but he should be the point man. In other words, he should have gone and rapped to the girl in the pub in place of you. Since he has nothing to lose, he could have sized her up and you wouldn’t have to have been involved. The way it stands now, he’s happy to make you go to war, but he doesn’t want to carry the gun himself. So he should take the point and back you up. He’s a cheater, right? Approaching girls is no skin off his nose.
Taking the initiative and getting the girl’s phone number is what you should always do. But regarding this so-called “sixth sense” of yours, you have to ask yourself: are you 100% right on? Or are you usually right, or just sometimes right? My principles state that if a babe is standing there and it’s no big deal to move in on her, then you should approach her like a gentleman, strike up a conversation, and ask her for the phone number.
And forget about getting “fixated,” dude. What in the world are you thinking? Have you noticed how many attractive girls are running around out there? When you’re going with a girl for six months and she dumps you, then you can get hurt and cry. But when a girl turns you down for a phone number, you can’t get all sensitive. Like my cousin General Love says, “Do you have any idea how far you have to go in this war, soldier? You better buck up!”
Walker, you’re manufacturing a big problem here. Dating is a numbers game. As we say in sales, you’re not going to close every deal. And guys, you have to remember...
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