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THE SYSTEM says that having a BACKBONE is a key component in dating because if she doesn't respect you she cannot love you.
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READER'S QUESTION
Hey Doc,
Jade and I have been living together for four months now but tend to fight over the slightest things. She’s very argumentative and never wants to “lose” in anything, even board games! Over time, I’ve found myself giving into her every time we have a confrontation just to avoid the inevitable explosions. Recently I realized that in doing so I had subconsciously given her power over me and now I want to take it back.
In the past few weeks I’ve tried talking to her less and doing more of my own thing just to show her that I’m not dependent on her. I’ve also started to engage more (not physically, of course) in the arguments we have to show her I’m not afraid of her -- which I’m not! She seems to have mellowed a little, but I find (or it could just be me) that we’re playing more mind games with each other now. Perhaps she found me to be a Challenge, I don’t know.
Here’s an example of what I perceive as a mind game. Jade used to jokingly put me down by saying things like “You’re skinny” or “You look horrible in sunglasses,” but just yesterday I gave her a taste of her own medicine by calling her “lazy” for not making the bed. She definitely didn’t like it and we had a fight over it. She asks for a goodnight kiss every night, but last night, after the fight, I didn’t do it and she didn’t ask for it either.
I’m not sure if I’m playing this the right way, and if I’m not, how do I go about it and beat her at her own game (to get her to realize she needs to change)? I like Jade, but I’m at the point where I wouldn’t mind ending the relationship if she suggested it first.
On the other hand, I want things to work out between us, but am trying to get her to respect me the way I used to respect her, stop taking me for granted and start showing me her love instead of picking on me. And if it doesn’t work, we’d probably have to go our own separate ways.
Thanks for any help you might be able to give me.
Norris - who doesn’t want to spend his life fighting
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
Hi Norris,
Straight out of the chute you said a mouthful. I can understand some women wanting to get into arguments, but your little hellcat never wants to lose at anything, and that includes the love game. And in her mind, if she’s going to be the winner, somebody’s got to be the loser. Unfortunately, that’s you.
Jade – or any clinically sane woman -- should be thinking about the two of you as a team, and you as a teammate, not somebody to compete with. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “If you want to throw punches, get yourself over to Gleason’s Gym and put on the gloves!” Gee, I can just feel the good vibes flying around your house, pal. It sounds like a real love fest over there.
I wonder whose idea it was to move in together? Who asked whom to move in first? I’m betting the house that you were on your knees begging this little hottie to cohabit with you. Why? Because her Interest Level is flimsy. To you Psych majors, the higher her Interest Level, the less she wants to argue. The only exception to this rule is the highly structured woman.
Jade will always remember that you gave into her, dude. She’ll never forget...
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