HE BEGGED HIS DRUNK GIRLFRIEND FOR AFFECTION?
THE SYSTEM says that...well, let's forget about that because he tossed ALL THE PRINCIPLES OUT THE WINDOW when he got clingy with his drunk girlfriend. No, this does not end well...
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148: Living Day By Day Is A Key Component Of Dating
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I’ve been in a relationship with Ingrid for five years. I went on active duty with the National Guard, and 12 days into it she flew out to see me and we had a great time together. I was supposed to be heading back home four weeks after her visit, but the army decided to keep me out on duty four months longer.
After I told Ingrid the news, our text messages and phone calls became less and less. Nine days ago she said she would call me, but didn’t. The next day I called her five times over a 20-hour period just to see if she was all right. She texted back that she left her phone in a friend’s car. I texted her throughout the following week, and five days later she texted me that she had been drunk when I was trying to get in touch with her. The next message was “I wish you weren’t so clingy.”
Several more days have passed and I still haven’t talked to Ingrid. What should I do? Should I try and call her to see about keeping things alive, cut my losses and try and make a pass at her when I get home, or just let her fight to get me back? At least I didn’t beg her to be with me and I didn’t say I’ll always be there for her.
What coaching can you give me based on all this, Doc?
TJ - who doesn’t know what to expect when he gets back home
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER IN A SECOND BUT FIRST...
Now let me get this straight. You’ve been going out with Ingrid for five years and you haven’t married her? “The System” says that you’re supposed to marry the woman after you go out with her for two years. Why did you go so long with Ingrid without marrying her? Was there a problem with her that you refused to acknowledge?
When Ingrid didn’t call you after nine days, it was a huge indication that her Interest Level was plummeting. Even though you had a great time with her when she came out to visit you, her messages kept dwindling to less and less, which meant that her Interest Level was becoming less and less.
When you phoned Ingrid five times to see that she was all right, you hit the panic button, dude. Bad move. You should have called her once and left a message. The fact is that Ingrid got your first message, so why were you nagging her? To you Psych majors, nagging is a female trait, and it also shows her that you are almost desperate, which is a very weak look. Now if you were concerned that she was in the hospital, her parents would have called and notified you because if you’ve been going with this babe for five years, I’m sure you met her parents. So one phone call to her was plenty. You did nothing but exacerbate the problem by going crazy and calling too much.
Now, do you really believe that Ingrid left her phone in a friend’s car? Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Impossible -- women have their phones with them when they take a shower.” TJ, women never give up their phones, so her excuse is bogus.
Then Ingrid told you that she was drunk. If Ingrid is a drunk, why are you dating her? Do you think it would be a good idea to be married to Ingrid if she’s a drunk? Do you think it would be desirable to have a couple of little girls in the back seat when their mother has a half-pint of Jack Daniels in her right hand and the phone in her left while she’s driving? This woman is no good for you, TJ, simple as that.
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When Ingrid told you that you were too clingy, it was the kiss of death. What she was telling you indirectly was “Get off my back!” Of course you don’t have “The System” because it’s very easy to see that you don’t know a thing about what’s going on with women.
What should you do now? Throw Ingrid’s number away, get my book and learn how to deal with women the right way, then find somebody new. You can’t keep this thing with Ingrid alive because it’s already dead. And you can’t...
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