GO TO COUNSELING???
THE SYSTEM says that it's all about a woman's INTEREST LEVEL and hers was either 49 to 51. How did "counseling" work out for them? Umm...I think you can guess...
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Last week my girlfriend Janelle and I went to couples counseling and things backfired. After talking to the therapist alone for a while, she said that her commitment level to me was at a 50-50 level, which devastated me.
Before all this, Janelle disrespected our relationship and my feelings throughout. I told her that I didn’t want her hanging out with a new male friend she’d made, but she would hang out with him anyway and not tell me. She never cheated on me as far as I know, but it was just the principle of her not respecting my boundaries that disturbed me. After a lot of arguing she finally gave in and stopped hanging out with him, but it felt like she resented me for it and was acting like the victim because I broke up with her because of it. When we got back together, she was always critical of me and I always felt like she was trying to take control of our relationship.
Anyway, after the counseling appointment I blew up at Janelle and told her that if she only had a 50-50 commitment level she had no business contacting me after I broke up with her. And I told her that if she only wanted to see me a couples times a week in order to “work on herself,” I couldn’t pass up any more opportunities with other girls. I then began yelling at her and saying that she always acted like the victim and never owned up to what she did wrong in the relationship but that we could casually date if she really wants to still be with me.
I also told her that she could contact me or not, and I didn’t care anymore. I opened the door for her from inside the car and told her to get out. She told me that she loved me and said she knew that I loved her. But Doc, I just can’t take her manipulation and narcissistic behavior anymore.
Did I do the right thing? I feel like I was a bit rough on Janelle. I also feel like I should’ve just broken up with her completely and not left the door open to getting back together.
Ezra - who feels horrible about how he acted
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER IN A SECOND BUT FIRST...
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When Janelle told you her Interest Level was at a 50-50 level, she was really saying that it was either 49% or 51%. If she’s not committed to you, then you shouldn’t be with this girl.
So Janelle did what you wanted regarding her guy friend, but resented it, was critical and tried to take control of your relationship. At this point, what’s dead obvious is that you and Janelle aren’t on the same page. You two don’t communicate. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “You and your girlfriend ain’t in the same world.”
WHAT??? YOU didn't sign up for my free 7-day dating course yet? Did you not understand the word FREE?
You tried to figure out something about your relationship with Janelle by way of counseling, but then you turned around and threatened her by telling her that she had no business contacting you. What sense does any of this make? And, by the way, you should only be seeing her twice a week anyway, so I see that you don’t have my materials, pal. Seeing Janelle too much slaughtered Challenge and landed you in the mess that you’re in.
And what are you two doing seeing a counselor anyway? Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “Counselors don’t know anything about romantic love. They think romantic love is the same as unconditional love, like you have for your kids.”
After all of this drama, you told Janelle that you could casually date. What are you really saying here, Ezra? Like my cousin General Love says, “You gave her an ultimatum, then you tried to back off it.” The important point is this: you argue with this girl all the time. To you Psych majors, when you argue all the time, SOMETHING’S WRONG. If you don’t care anymore what she does, then you shouldn’t give a hoot about Janelle contacting you. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “You always leave the back door open for this babe.” You tell her to go jump in the river, then you want to throw her a life preserver!
These articles give you a lot but there are key elements that you're missing if you don't have my book so if you really want to be successful with women you need THE SYSTEM. Still not convinced? Read my "YOU CHANGED MY LIFE" letters.
My friend, you might be able to tolerate Janelle’s behavior, but not enough to stay away from her. Because your Interest Level is too high, you don’t have the guts to stay away from this girl.
No, you didn’t do the right thing, Ezra. You should have gone around to her side of the car and opened the door for Janelle. Nevertheless, you’ve been putting up with her crap for a long time, and like I said earlier, your problem is that the two of you don’t get along. So like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “If you’re seeing a counselor, that means you guys are really screwed up.”
Remember, guys: without “The System,” you’ll never understand how to handle a relationship.