SHE WAS ON THE REBOUND AND HE OVER-COMMUNICATED WITH HER - NOT GOOD
THE SYSTEM says that you have to understand where you're at with a woman FROM THE BEGINNING. This girl was on the rebound and then he made things worse by OVER-COMMUNICATING. Predictably this ended badly...
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I got interested in Lisa when she was in the midst of the breakup of a four-year relationship. Things moved fast, even though we had talked about not wanting to jump into a relationship. She contacted me all the time, texting and calling me from work. I wouldn’t always answer, but would considerately call her back. Things were going great!
The trouble began after I went on an overnight hunting trip with a bunch of my buddies. The next day Lisa said she wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want to go to an event we were supposed to attend. I asked if she needed something, she declined and I continued with my night. We were supposed to go out the next night, but she cancelled and said that she was going to her mom’s to talk about her midlife crisis. I asked if it had to do with us. She said it had to do with work and some other changes and that she just needed some time to get herself together.
I left Lisa alone. I texted her once or twice just out of consideration, and she texted a few times back. But I knew something was up. A week went by and I gave her space, and didn’t desperately confess my feelings to her. But inside I was dying.
Lisa called a week later. I made her laugh and kept it casual. Then she told me she was sorry about the distance and confessed that she panicked when we started spending all of our time together and she started having feelings for me. That she has never had time to herself and she needs to do that. She said it was nothing I did wrong and I am what she wants in a relationship. Then she started in with work and that she might have to re-locate in a few years due to promotions and blah blah blah. But she still wants to hang out and have fun with our group of friends. And she said that I should still come over to her place and watch Netflix.
I kept my composure and told her I needed to think it over. She said fine, and we could take it from there. I am interested in Lisa and want to continue things with her but I know I need to distance myself and raise her Interest Level. I don’t know what to do, though I know it’s over with Lisa at least for now. How do I make her miss what we had together and want to re-kindle it with a fresh start?
Del - who at least hasn’t lost control
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER IN A SECOND BUT FIRST...
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Your problem, to use your own words, is this: things moved fast. If you had “The System,” you would know that you should never allow things to move fast. In addition, you were the rebound boyfriend here. And why were you talking seriously with this woman about not wanting to jump into a relationship? I see you don’t have my book, pal. You don’t talk about how fast the relationship is going with a girl who thinks things are going too fast!
What you should have done when Lisa kept texting you was told her “Please don’t text me anymore. Save it for the date!” When she wanted to be in contact all the time, you should have cut her off right then and there. No, things weren’t going great, Del. You were texting and talking on the phone too much, thus slaughtering Challenge. And the rule is that between dates there is no communication. Worse, when Lisa was going through her break-up crisis, you became her psychiatrist, which LOWERS INTEREST LEVEL.
WHAT??? YOU didn't sign up for my free 7-day dating course yet? Did you not understand the word FREE?
When Lisa bailed on the event you were supposed to attend, you were OUT FOREVER. Her Interest Level just dropped from 51% to 49%, which meant you were finished. And whenever a babe says she needs to “get herself together,” it also means you’re out.
When you say that you are dying on the inside, it means your Interest Level is in the 90s, and hers is only in the 40s. Like my cousin General Love says, “That’s a gap that can’t be bridged.” So right there is the problem. And again, since you don’t have my book, you don’t understand what I’m talking about, so you’re at a grave disadvantage, guy.
The best thing Lisa said is that she panicked when she started having feelings for you. Now think about it, Del. Because Lisa’s Interest Level was getting so high, it made her feel…bad? To you Psych majors, when her Interest Level goes up, she feels good about you! So what Lisa told you was an outright lie, and because you don’t have “The System,” you bought it hook, line and sinker!
Then she proceeded to give you all the reasons -- the second through the tenth -- why it wasn’t you that was the problem. But she neglected to give you the FIRST and MOST IMPORTANT reason: that you lowered her Interest Level!
These articles give you a lot but there are key elements that you're missing if you don't have my book so if you really want to be successful with women you need THE SYSTEM. Still not convinced? Read my "YOU CHANGED MY LIFE" letters.
Del, you can’t raise Interest Level when it’s below 50%. It’s not over with Lisa just for now – it’s over FOREVER. So there’s not going to be a fresh start.
What you have to do now is GET “THE SYSTEM” and FIND A NEW GIRL. Because once Interest Level goes south of 50%, you’re out forever.
Remember, guys: when it’s over, you can’t go back.