IF SHE'S ON THE REBOUND DO YOU NEED TO APPROACH THINGS DIFFERENTLY OR NOT?
He makes valid points about protecting himself but what he doesn't realize is THE SYSTEM is his best protection if he will just follow it.
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Dating Women Podcast #113
113: She DUMPED HIM after picking out her engagement ring? WHAT???!!!
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I bought “The System,” and I’m following it with Kimberly, who I happen to be dating. And it’s worked liked a charm, especially the concept of Challenge. So I’m very grateful for your principles!
Kimberly and her ex-boyfriend broke up a year ago. She informed me of this during our first date. It was the only time that she mentioned her ex and she hasn’t mentioned him since.
I’ve deliberately tried to keep my interest in Kimberly in check, though I’m highly attracted to her. She always initiates contact with me and flirts constantly. I don’t usually return the flirting -- I always keep it cool. She even makes travel plans for us. I keep my mouth shut whenever she makes any plans for the future. I comment that they’re quite interesting and leave it at that. We rarely call and text each other. When we’re together -- which isn’t all that often as per your coaching -- we just enjoy each other’s company.
Here’s my problem. My gut seems to be telling me that Kimberly is coming on too strong because she’s not really over her ex. It’s like she’s trying to convince herself that she’s in love with me and that I’m the one for her.
Kimberly is Beautiful, nice, charming and a Giver. But since my own breakup with my long-term girlfriend years ago, I’ve made a habit of keeping things cool with any women I meet. I just don’t want to experience the devastation of a broken heart again. By going in very slow, I can analyze what any woman’s intentions are and always stay in control of myself.
So Doc, do you think Kimberly is on the rebound? I’d like your input on this since you’re so good at reading women. My opinion is that if Kimberly is indeed on the rebound, then it’s time for me to pack up and leave.
Nills - who is always on guard
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
To begin with, you’ve been doing a great job with Kimberly so far. It sounds like everything is going great with her. In addition, she’s chasing you – which is exactly the idea of CHALLENGE, and exactly what you want to happen. CHALLENGE reverses the normal course of male/female interaction and makes the woman chase the man. That’s what’s so great about it!
Now let’s take a look at what’s bugging you. It is possible that Kimberly is not over her ex-boyfriend. But it doesn’t really matter. What does matter is how you handle the situation. And that means that when she asks you out on a date, make it for a week or a week and a half later. That way you will SLOW HER DOWN and prevent the ugly consequences of what might be a rebound.
Why didn't you sign up for my free 7-day dating course yet? Did you not understand the word FREE?
Nills, it doesn’t matter whether or not Kimberly’s trying to convince herself that you’re the one for her. The reality of the situation is that she has extremely high Interest Level in you. You can conclude that she has such high interest because you’re following the rules of “The System” and you’re deploying Challenge to a very effective degree, or that she is on the rebound. But the point is that it doesn’t really matter if she’s coming on heavy because you’re either using my techniques or she’s on the rebound, as long as you regulate the timing of your dates with her. When she asks you out, don’t accept it for one day or two days later -- accept it for a week later. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “That way you automatically put the brakes on her.”
One more thing, dude: when you talk about Kimberly trying to convince herself that she’s in love with you, you’re off on some other planet. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Women never try to convince themselves of anything.” So that isn’t an issue here.
Nills, you should always keep things cool with all of the women you meet, so you’re doing the right thing, and that’s exactly what “The System” says you should do - you have to go in cool, so it’s good that you’re playing your cards close to your chest. And going in slowly, analyzing a woman’s intentions and staying in control of yourself is precisely the right thing to do. “The System” teaches you all about Self-Control and patience, which is what you have to learn.
These articles give you a lot but there are key elements that you're missing if you don't have my book so if you really want to be successful with women you need THE SYSTEM. Still not convinced? Read my "YOU CHANGED MY LIFE" letters.
Do I think Kimberly’s on the rebound? To you Psych majors, when you meet a woman, if she’s just broken up with her boyfriend a week earlier, or six months earlier, she’s going to be on the rebound to some extent. You can’t tell her that you want to come back and date her in a year or so because some other guy will slip right in between you and her and you will have blown your opportunity. So like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “You have to take it as you get it.” Again, if Kimberly is on the rebound, by making the dates a week to 12 days later, you’re SLOWING HER DOWN and therefore minimizing the potential for catastrophe. When she asks you for a date, don’t accept it for the next two or three days -- make it for a week to 12 days later.
So in this situation, buddy, you can’t really know whether you’re dealing with naturally high interest from Kimberly or a rebound. But spacing the dates out will keep your head as clear as possible no matter which it is.
Remember, guys: the key to women is going in slowly.