COMFORT IS NOT LOVE
He's comfortable with her - but that's MUCH DIFFERENT from being in love with her - find out why he needs to end things NOW.
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Dating Women Podcast #107
107: She's running HOT and COLD - what gives???
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First off I’d like to say that I’m a huge fan and supporter of you and your work. I’ve read “The System,” love it and follow it to a tee. In fact my friends even call me for advice with their women all the time.
Here’s my problem. I met Krystal two years ago. Among my tons of dates she stood out a little from the rest, especially her personality. We talked for months and I ended up cutting her off because I didn’t think things would work out between us. A few months later she contacted me out of the blue and asked me how I was doing and if I had found someone. We took things very slowly, and after months of dating I decided to ask Krystal to be my girlfriend.
I continue to follow “The System” as closely as possible. Krystal’s roommate ended up moving out and about a year into dating I moved in with Krystal. I have a six-figure job, I’m well above average in the looks department, and ever since “The System” have had unreal success with women. But since I’ve moved in with Krystal, the sex is lazy and less often, she always complains about something, she doesn’t share any common interests with me, and she keeps pressuring me to get engaged.
Doc, things are going downhill. I understand that no woman is perfect and Krystal is the best I’ve met in hundreds of dates, and she legitimately is good marriage material. I genuinely care about her and she cares about me, she has a good career, and we share similar morals and life goals. But I’m terrified of getting married and making a mistake. I don’t want to break up with Krystal as I genuinely love her, her parents love me and my parents love her. What should I do?
Brent - who wants coaching from only the best
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
When your friends call you for advice, direct them to DocLove.com to get “The System” for themselves. Don’t give them anything in the way of advice. Most of the time your friends don’t want to change. They just want to bellyache and are looking for an ear to cry into.
Now let me get this straight. You’re telling me that you originally dropped this woman – which means that your Interest Level was below 50%. Don’t you see what the real problem is here? Dude, YOU CAN’T GO BACK. You already dumped this babe because you weren’t sold on her. Now you’re trying to make up for something that’s already finished and done. The rule of “The System” is ONE SHOT PER GIRL PER LIFETIME. So what this tells me is that you’re NOT really following “The System” all the way. In fact, you’re not following “The System” at all. The things that turned you off initially about Krystal are still there and now you’re trying to overlook them. She hasn’t changed. So you have to be introspective and ask yourself, “If I’m a good, attractive man who has Doc Love’s book, why am I going back when those things that turned me off initially are still there?” To you Psych majors, when your Interest Level drops, it’s not because she’s turning you on – it’s because she’s turning you off.
These articles give you a lot - but not enough - you need THE SYSTEM if you really want to be successful with women. Not sure? Read our "you changed my life letters."
So why in the world would you move in with a woman that you dropped? Think about that. You might have had unreal success getting women as a result of having my book, but you’re not using it with this woman. There’s an entire chapter in my book called “BACK,” which says that you can’t go back because the things that turned you off are still there.
Let me explain something to you. Common interest is not really the issue here. The truth is that you will always have something in common with a woman. There are thousands of different things you can do when you have a partner, and you only need four or five of them in order have something in common. The real issue here is that Krystal is a complainer and she’s pressuring you to get engaged. As far as men’s complaints go, nagging is one of the biggest problems in a relationship. I don’t think you really like this woman that much, my friend. And I don’t think you actually know “The System.” You’ve used parts of it to get women to date you. You probably have it, maybe you’ve read it once or twice, and you say you like it, but you’re not really going by the whole program.
Krystal is NOT good marriage material. She’s lazy, right? How does that make her good marriage material? You might share similar morals and life goals, but what about your Interest Level? Usually we have to look at the female Interest Level, but yours is below 50% and it’s been below 50% from the day you dropped Krystal. So like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “You’re trying to make something out of nothing here.”
Hey man, you should be terrified of making a mistake – because you have the wrong girl and you don’t go by “The System.” And forget the parents, yours and hers – they have nothing to do with your situation.
Here’s the deal. You’re comfortable with Krystal. Maybe you even love her. But you’re not IN LOVE with her.
What should you do? DROP HER.
Remember, guys: when it’s over, it’s over.