HOW TO RIDE THE PAIN TRAIN!
Just marry for NEED instead of LOVE and you have purchased a ticket on the PAIN TRAIN - don't make the same mistakes as our student!
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Dating Women Podcast #106
106: She's Got A Boyfriend But Is Texting Him? He Needs To STAY AWAY
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I’ve been married twice and am currently still on my second marriage. The first marriage ultimately did not work out because my wife at the time wasn’t much of a team player in my time of need. She later tried to get back with me, but I felt that I couldn’t trust being with someone who was not fully in my corner from day one.
A few years later, I met Chanel, a very attractive fashionista lady, on a dating site. I was lonely and not on my “A” game, so you could say that I was a desperado. But she accepted me flaws and all. We dated for five years until I got back on my feet and we decided to take the plunge and get married.
The problem is that Chanel has low Self-Esteem and will not address her recent weight gain issues. She also has spending issues (I found out that she went bankrupt before I knew her), but I still married her out of love. Also, she’s not nearly as ambitious as I would like her to be and doesn’t like it if I suggest that she try getting bigger and better things out of life and that she has to work hard for them. She recently abandoned a career that she’d been pursuing for many years, and I feel that financially we are going to be a wreck if this trend continues.
Chanel now says that she wants to start a business but doesn’t like my suggestions even though I have much more experience in that area. Another problem is that since we’ve been married our intimacy level has dropped tremendously from the years when we were dating.
I’m beginning to think that being married is overrated. Chanel acted a certain way when we were dating (good Attitude and Flexible) but is turning out to be someone else, or we just may be growing apart. I will say that one good thing is that we rarely argue, but I’m beginning to wonder if I made the right choice. In hindsight, maybe I should have waited until I had my stuff more together before trying to find a significant other because as they say, you attract who you are.
Doc, do you think my marriage is doomed and that I’m wasting my time? Ultimately, I think Chanel wants to just be a stay-at-home mom and taken care of, but that is not really feasible due to our financial situation. Some have suggested marriage counseling, but I don’t know if this can be fixed.
Your thoughts, Doc?
Jamie - who is sinking into depression over it
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
When you tell me that a woman was not in your corner from day one, it means you married a taker instead of a Giver. A Giver would have been in your corner from the very beginning. If you’d had “The System,” you would have studied your first wife for two years and found out that she wasn’t a Giver, and you wouldn’t have married her. So you can blame all of your problems on not going by “The System.”
Dude, Chanel should want to be thin, or at least a normal weight. You can’t now say to her, “Honey, I love you but you’re fat!” Again, this goes back to the type of woman you chose. And the fact that you’re not familiar with “The System” does not help you with your choice of partners! Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “When it comes to picking them, you don’t know what you’re doing, my son.”
Sadly, Jamie, you really didn’t marry Chanel out of love – you married her out of need. There’s a big difference. Your wife has low Self-Esteem and she’s overweight and she doesn’t know how to handle money. What that means is that she’s unhealthy and we live in an economic society. So she woman is a loser. But like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Too bad she don’t know how to lose weight!”
The fact that Chanel is showing all of these undesirable traits now that you’re married is the very point of studying my materials and dating for two years. What that means is that you would have recognized these undesirable qualities if you’d been following “The System.” You shouldn’t be finding out all of this stuff after you got married. And that’s your problem, guy. And you did this with both of your wives. The really sad part is that if you’d had my book, you wouldn’t have married either one of these women and created all of this anguish for yourself.
Jamie, you picked not one, but two losers here. With your choices of women, marriage is overrated. There are lots of great women out there, but you didn’t get one either time you decided to get married. Nor did you have my book, which would have GIVEN YOU THE ABILITY TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN A KEEPER AND A LOSER.
Chanel might have seemed like one person when you were dating, but you didn’t really know her and you didn’t understand what Red Flags were because you weren’t familiar with “The System.” Now Chanel’s Interest Level has taken a dive, which is causing her to not want to keep you happy. This is something else you know nothing about because you don’t have my book.
Unfortunately, your marriage is doomed and you are wasting your time. It can’t be fixed, Jamie. You are the one that has to be fixed. What you have to do is get my materials and find a new girl. Then you have to study my materials for two years AT THE SAME TIME as you study this new girl. Then the disasters of your first two marriages won’t happen again. Good luck.
Remember, guys: when everything appears to be perfect, marriage is still extremely difficult.