Benefit Of The Doubt??? | Doc Love - Dating Advice For Men

Dating Women Advice: Is Kevin Durant Ever Plagued By Doubts About His Girlfriends?


Should he give her the benefit of the doubt even though he suspects that she's cheating on him?  Check out the article below and...

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Dating Women Podcast #71 & 72

Your article is right below this but first on this week's podcasts we give you:

*71:  Why can't he choose among THREE women?
*72:  He wants to marry a girl still hung up on her ex???!!!


The Doc Love Club has my most advanced thinking on dating and relationships - hundreds of hours of audio; hundreds of articles - and you can get a sample below - you don't even have to put in your credit card or email address.


Hey Doc,

Vanessa is 22 and I’m 27. We’ve been together for a year now. When we started going out, I knew nothing at all about “The System.” I’ve just discovered your columns and they’ve intrigued me. Recently I have been plagued by doubts about my relationship with Vanessa. Let me lay it out for you.

Our romantic interludes have been disappearing. Vanessa almost never initiates intimacy. It has always been this way (and I don’t like it), and sometimes she says no to my advances (in a playful manner, but still, it’s a rejection). Doc, I need more affection than every once in a while.

I am worried that Vanessa may have cheated. One night not long ago she went out with her college classmates and instead of coming back to my place right afterwards, she went dancing and came back at six in the morning (the time when the clubs close here). A couple days later, she told me that she was mad at one of her female classmates because she was spreading a rumor that Vanessa had gone to a motel with Bill, one of her male classmates, the very same night they all went dancing.

I checked my browser’s history, and I discovered that Vanessa has been checking Bill’s Instagram and Facebook profiles. Not only that, but she also checks ALL of her past boyfriends’ profiles and the profiles of their new girlfriends -- on my computer.

Now I should say that Vanessa is a sweetheart to me, always asks for dates, always contacts me first, talks about the future, and says she wants to move in with me and marry me. I remain calm, unrushed and undisturbed about all of this, as well as about all of the above issues.

But on the inside I am not calm. I am very upset and agitated by Vanessa’s behavior. Why did she tell me this story about the rumor and the motel? If nothing happened, wouldn’t it have been better to let the whole thing go and not tell me? Naturally, now I can’t stop obsessing on whether she cheated. How can I know for sure? Or how can I stop obsessing? Should I just get out and find another girl?

Porter - who is always worried

BlakeAustin, TX

I may have been able to find her, but I never would have been able to KEEP her without you, Jeff, and the "System."

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Hi Porter,

First of all, you’re dealing with an 18-to-22 year young girl. If you’ve read “The System” -- and you haven’t -- you would know what I say about them. You should be with 25 or 26 year young woman. The breakup and divorce rate for girls 18 to 22 is extremely high because they aren’t grown up, despite the fact that they have a woman’s face and a woman’s body. Dude, if you’d had “The System” before you met this girl, you wouldn’t be confused right now. That’s the greatest thing about my book – it removes all confusion about women and relationships.

So you’re upset about the lack of romance with Vanessa because you don’t have “The System.” But she’s been this way with you since day one. She hasn’t changed at all. You’re getting upset now about a problem you’ve had from the beginning. At least Vanessa is playful when she rejects you. But the significant point here is that your Interest Level is much higher than hers, and that’s why she doesn’t always accept your advances. Yours is in the 90s, and hers is somewhere below that. Porter, you never raised Vanessa’s Interest Level above yours, and that’s your problem.

To you Psych majors, coming back at six in the morning from a club is what 22-year-olds do on account of their immaturity. And it has nothing to do with Vanessa’s low Interest Level, by the way. If she didn’t go to the motel with Bill, the reason she’s telling you is because she’s being open and honest. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “A 22- year-old isn’t smart enough to cover her tracks.” So you have to give Vanessa the benefit of the doubt on account of her age. Plus, you don’t own this girl. Her Interest Level isn’t higher than yours, and again that’s your biggest problem.

Checking all of her old boyfriends’ statuses is nothing but a social activity to Vanessa. Again, she’s not trying to hide anything. If she were trying to hide something, this situation would be different. But she’s not even trying to hide that her girlfriend is spreading rumors about her. She’s very open – which is a good thing.

All of Vanessa’s qualities are super-positive. You have a lot going with her, my friend. Her behavior would of course be much different – and better -- if her Interest Level, instead of yours, was in the 90s. But you don’t understand that because you don’t have “The System.” She told you about the motel because she trusted you not to get all uptight about it. But you did, so you’re getting teed off when your girlfriend does nothing but tell you the truth.

You’ve been with Vanessa for a year. The only Red Flag you mention is that she’s not affectionate with you. But that’s because her interest isn’t in the stars, where it should be. Of course it would be better if she’d just let the rumor go and not told you – if she were a 50-year-old woman. But a 22-year-old ding-dong is going to blab if she has nothing to hide.

Again, you have to give Vanessa the benefit of the doubt. She’s been with you for a year and has been pretty near perfect. The only way to stop obsessing is by getting “The System” and memorizing it. Don’t run out and find another girl. Stay with Vanessa -- and realize who you’re dealing with because of her age.

Remember, guys: when she’s been consistent for a year, you have to give her the benefit of the doubt.


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