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WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?
He's got a girl that likes him but he's blowing it by moving too fast!
I just got a new job so I plan to buy “The System” as soon as I get my first paycheck. I’m 25 and while taking a summer course Sofia approached me and initiated a conversation. She hustled me for my number and asked me out. We did and I kept it light and funny. We danced, I let her do most of the talking and she constantly touched me. I kept the date as short as possible, and we left after an hour.
On the last day of class, she called me out of the blue and said she was on her way to campus to pick me up for lunch. I was shocked because I’ve never had such a Beautiful Woman show such a high Interest Level in me right off the bat. I'd say it was about 80%, but since I don’t have your book I can’t say for sure. Since it was our second time out I went for the kiss and she was happy I did. Again I let her do the talking and kept the date to an hour and a half.
Jump forward a month. We’ve been on six dates so far and they’ve all been great. Sofia has compromised and put in effort to see me. She’s introduced me to her family. I have broken rules though. I’ve seen her more than once a week, and she calls me every day. I try to be as vague and mysterious as possible but she keeps me on the phone. My biggest mistake was last week. I mentioned going to Tahoe with my family and she immediately asked if she could come. Idiotically, I said sure. We did a lot of fun activities and made out a lot. I’m sure I shot myself in the foot and should have waited longer.
Sofia invited me out this weekend for her birthday with her family, and she constantly talks about doing things together in the future. I’m just afraid that her interest is going to gradually decline if I continue to be too available. She has said she fell in love with me at first sight and has joked about going to Vegas to get married.
Doc, are these Red Flags? I feel like I’m on thin ice. Sofia is very affectionate and constantly wants attention. But I’m not sure if constantly bending to her whims is advised. How can I be a Challenge if she’s constantly wrapping herself around me? Should that even be a concern? One more thing. Sofia has lots of men acquaintances. I can be jealous and possessive but am trying to work on both flaws, But how can I contain myself when she mentions other men? For all I know she spends time with them and I’d never know. I still don’t know Sofia as much as I’d like. She’s very honest as far as I can tell, but you never know.
Garrett - who has a potential keeper on the line, but is making mistakes
SHE DOESN'T WANT NICE - SHE WANTS A GENTLEMAN WITH AN EDGE
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DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
You’re right, Sofia’s interest is 80%. That’s the good thing. The bad thing is that you don’t have any real time in with this babe.
You shouldn’t have met Sofia’s family so quickly. You should have told her that you needed more time in with her before getting to know her family. A big NO right there would have stopped her.
When Sofia calls you every day, you have to tell her, “We’re not going to have anything to talk about when we’re on our date if we spend all of our time on the phone!” You have to keep the calls to a minimum, Garrett. It’s another indirect way of saying NO. You have to put an end to Sofia’s habit of camping out on the phone. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “The telephone is the most dangerous weapon in a relationship.” But men don’t realize it.
And you shouldn’t have let Sofia go to Tahoe with you and your family. Instead, you should have said “Once we get to know each other better we can go on vacation together.” Your problem, Garrett, is that you don’t know the power of “NO.” If you would have had my book six months ago, you wouldn’t have written me this letter. Aside from that, you’re doing great!
Again, whenever she wants you to meet her family, tell her that you can’t do it until you have more time in with her. Yes, Sofia’s interest will decline if you’re too available. But again, you don’t have any grasp of the power of the word NO. This concept is dealt with very thoroughly and deeply in “The System,” but since you don’t have it, you’re missing an extremely critical strategy. Before you get into trouble with this woman, you need my book ASAP!
What you’re involved in here, my friend, is that beautiful, singular moment in time when all the woman has to do is see you and her Interest Level streaks into the 90s. It’s rare and it’s phenomenal. But MAINTAINING that interest is another story altogether. Like my cousin General Love says, “Most guys can’t handle the ride.”
No, there are no Red Flags here whatsoever. This babe is coming at you and she’s all over you. What you have to do is tell her to put the brakes on a little. Sofia constantly wants attention because she’s in love with you – that’s okay. But you have to learn to say no sometimes, that’s all.
You remain a Challenge by cutting your phone conversations shorter. It’s very simple. You just don’t allow Sofia to pressure you.
You have to get rid of the flaws of jealousy and possessiveness, because WOMEN HATE THEM, especially when they’re loyal to you. How do you contain yourself when she mentions other men? By keeping your tongue in check. It’s called Self-Control. “The System” teaches you Self-Control as well as patience and discipline. These are the qualities that are weakened when your Interest Level and hers go through the roof.
The key is to first have Sofia ask you to be her boyfriend. You skipped over that part and already met her family. So you’re going way too fast, buddy. You shouldn’t have both your families involved already. That happens only after six months. You’re being intimidated by her high interest. To you Psych majors, this is what a woman does when her interest is in the 90s. She calls, she texts, she wants to be with you all the time. It’s a subtle form of pressure, but a good one because it’s coming from high Interest Level.
Sofia’s not doing anything wrong. In fact, so far she’s great. But when she asks to become your girlfriend, you have to tell her that you can’t have any exes lurking in the background. If she agrees, you can go forward but keep hitting those brakes.
Remember, guys: “The System” will teach you how to apply the brakes without turning her off.
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