Hey Doc,

I met Emma at the gym. Fitness is a very important part of my life and she instantly initiated conversation with me. I knew she had a boyfriend, so I never tried to make it go anywhere. Anyway, Emma started pursuing me harder, and after knowing her for about two weeks I agreed to hang out with her outside the gym.

Soon we started texting all the time -- all initiated by her -- and within another week Emma left her boyfriend. Now here’s my problem. At that point I had never heard of or read “The System” and I let the relationship move too fast, again mostly initiated by Emma. Within a month we were seeing each other every day and talking about future things we wanted to do such as vacations and so forth.

After about six weeks Emma started pulling away. Since I didn’t know what I was doing, I pushed to see her more. I eventually found out her ex was back in the picture and that she was seeing him too. I immediately dropped Emma and this made her come back at me hard. I ignored her for a week but eventually caved and saw her again. Then she backed off once again so I stopped pursuing her.

I know I should just forget about Emma, but she was a Giver and we had fun and I really miss her. I know that by using “The System” and under different circumstances we’d be great together. I know for a fact she still finds me attractive, but she seems to be happy with her ex. I don’t talk to her anymore and I never showed weakness when she left. I actually was the one who cut things off when I found out she was still seeing her ex.

Doc, I finally have “The System.” Is there any way I can entice Emma to give things between us the shot it should have had in the beginning? I have no problem getting girls, and now with “The System” I’m sure I can keep them. I’ve dated a bunch since Emma, but haven’t found anyone like her.

Paxton - who wishes her ex hadn’t been around

Hi Paxton,

The first huge mistake you made with Emma was hanging out with her outside of the gym. You’re supposed to DATE a girl, not hang out with her. Hanging out means nothing. Secondly, Emma has a BOYFRIEND. Another huge mistake. That’s two strikes against you already. Why were you texting with Emma all the time? TEXTING is a big no-no. That’s three strikes, and you hadn’t even started dating Emma yet!

You keep saying that Emma initiated everything in this relationship, but when that happened, you were supposed to implement CHALLENGE by slowing things down. To you Psych majors, CHALLENGE means slowing down.

But within a matter of a few weeks you were talking about vacations and the future with Emma. Dude, you’re supposed to do these things six months later – not six weeks later! Like most guys, all you want to do is RUSH RUSH RUSH! The consequences of rushing are not good. Like my cousin General Love says, “Those that go in fast, go out fast.”

Of course Emma started pulling away soon after you started dating. It was way too much, way too soon. You absolutely butchered Challenge, Paxton. WOMEN LOVE CHALLENGE. Even though you won’t hear them say it, women love... 

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