WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?
My poor reader feels unattractive and that he comes off as "creepy" to people.
What's the answer?
I’ve read your columns and they are excellent. I respect your advice a lot and you are the most honest man in the world in terms of relationship advice. I’d love your coaching in this situation.
I’m a 38-year-old man and have never had a relationship in my life. By way of background, I was an extremely shy teenager, and I’m a bit timid and a loner as an adult. I’ve been judged as a bit strange and weird by women and men alike, and women sadly just ignore me except for a case I’ll mention below. Sadly, this oddness is the opposite of what I wish to project. The ironic part of this is that I’m a professional, my clients like me, I’m very good socially with them, and my business ratings are very good. On the flip side, my behavior with colleagues in the past has been misunderstood and I’ve been fired a few times. So it’s a frustrating situation to say the least, as it is always my intent to be kind and never negative in any way.
I’m unsure if my problems are because I’m an unattractive man (which I’ve sometimes suspected) or if it is my misunderstood behavior that pushes women away. I have this hang-up where I’m happy with myself when looking in the mirror, but in pictures I think I look hideous. I’ve also suspected from the tender age of 14 that being unattractive was the problem even though few people have ever said this to my face. The irony is that most people say I’m not ugly, that I’m average looking, but I’m a bit unkempt in appearance. However, I’m not sure if they’re saying I’m not ugly to avoid hurting my feelings.
Now, on to this situation with a woman I tried asking out. I’ve bantered with this convenience store clerk, a very attractive woman of about 30, and struck up a conversation with her a few times and made her laugh with my self-deprecating behavior. After I felt she was comfortable, I asked her if she had a boyfriend and told her that I’d take her out on a date. She mentioned she was married, showed me her ring, and said “That’s sweet of you.” She seemed flattered, but the woman she was working with thought I was shady or strange, which matches what other people have thought of me in the past.
Doc, what do you think of my predicament? Basically, I’m not sure if I’m unattractive or perhaps my confidence just needs a boost.
Bennie - who feels like the saddest hopeless case of all time
SHE DOESN'T WANT NICE - SHE WANTS A GENTLEMAN WITH AN EDGE
Until you learn that concept you'll never get anywhere with women! Take my 7-day dating course FOR FREE - and I'll get you from "nice" to the guy with the edge she needs:
DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
I appreciate that you call me honest and love my columns, but in your letter you’re missing the single most essential thing: you haven’t ordered my book. “THE SYSTEM” is the key to your problems. If you subscribe to my program and do everything that I tell you, it will bring out the better parts of your personality.
So if you’ve never had a relationship in your life, you have to first of all get my book. Then you’ll get into a dance class, which will teach you how to talk to women. Next you’ll join Toastmasters, where you will give speeches in front of crowds, and that will develop your Self-Confidence with women. (Remember, half the people at Toastmasters are women!) Then you’ll join an improv class where you’ll learn to be light and funny and think on your feet. All of these activities will bring out the best in your personality.
You have a ton of work to do, Bennie. However, you did the right thing by writing to me – provided you do everything I tell you to do. You do have a long way to go, but you are on the right path, my friend.
Another thing you have to do is figure out...
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