Hey Doc,

Okay, so I got a question for you. You say no long distance relationships, but if you’ve been dating someone for six to eight months, isn’t that entirely different?

Juliet, my first real girlfriend, is moving to Pennsylvania in three months for college. I love her more than anything. She’s very attractive and intelligent and ambitious and wants to go places in life. At the beginning of our relationship things were different and we got heavily involved because we didn’t know where she would end up going to college. Myself, I’m taking a year off because I’m not ready for college yet and even if I was, I would want to stay here in Massachusetts.

We get along mostly great except when Juliet picks fights with me, which she has a tendency to do. I really don’t want her to go away because I don’t want to break up on account of the long distance, and just recently she has finally admitted that she loves me. She has said to me that it’s okay if we break up when she goes to college so that I can have space to do whatever I want. Of course I wouldn’t want to find a girl here in Massachusetts when I’m still involved in a relationship with Juliet, and have no plans to do that.

It took me a long time – two and a half years – to pursue and get Juliet, and it pains me to have to let her go after all of that work. She is the best thing that ever happened to me. She saved me from almost not graduating from high school and she keeps me disciplined and honest. I’m really in a quandary here and don’t know what to do. The thought of Juliet gone for the better part of four years is almost more than I can deal with.

Any insight on this situation would be greatly appreciated.

Bo - who can’t believe his bad luck

Hi Bo,

Of course a long distance relationship is entirely different after six to eight months of dating — if the girl only wants to leave for a week! She can even disappear for a month to six weeks if she has to be somewhere else for work or something else important. But when she’s taking off for the better part of four years, you’ve got a huge problem.

What you’re telling me here is that Juliet loves you so much that she’s moving away from you for the better part of four years. And you don’t see that as a huge RED FLAG? Do you actually think that you can keep a relationship going for four years when she’s hundreds of miles away in another state?

You might love Juliet more than anything, but she won’t be loving you when she’s in Pennsylvania at college. I’m sure that she wants to go places in life, but like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Unfortunately she wants to go without you.”

You shouldn’t have gotten heavily involved with Juliet. If you’d had “The System” when you first started chasing Juliet around and putting in all this hard work, you would have realized that, my friend.

Now let me get this straight.

You don’t want to leave Massachusetts — so in other words you wouldn’t even want to live in the same place as Juliet. How’s that going to work out? And you’re in love with someone who likes to pick fights.

Bo, can you imagine being married to someone who wants to pick fights for 35 or 40 years? You’re clueless, pal, and you need to get my book as soon as possible!

Let me illuminate something for you. You’re not breaking up with Juliet on account of the long distance – she’s breaking up with you on account of the long distance. But you say that she’s finally admitted that she loves you.

Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “She loves you so much that she’s moving hundreds of miles away from you for four years.”

Then Juliet turned around and told you that she wants you to have space to do whatever you want. Bo, she’s telling you indirectly that she wants you in the arms of another girl. To you Psych majors, women in love don’t want you in the arms of another woman and they don’t want to break up with you. I know that’s hard for you to fathom!

You say that you have no plans to look for another girl. So you’re going to just sit in Massachusetts waiting for Juliet to come back for four long years? Dude, what are you thinking? You’re not letting this girl go — she’s already gone. 

When Juliet signed up for four years of college in another state, she was dropping you without coming right out and saying it. 

And that’s what’s really going on here.

She might be the best thing that ever happened to you, but I notice that you never ONCE mention her Interest Level in you. All you tell me is that she likes to pick fights with you, and that you had to work really hard to get her to go out with you. What does that tell you?

Of course it’s tough to deal with Juliet being gone for four years. My insight? Get a hold of “The System” ASAP, MEMORIZE IT, and FIND A NEW GIRLFRIEND!

Remember, guys: when she wants to move away from you for four years, it’s not a good sign.