WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?
She is CONSISTENT with her INCONSISTENT behavior towards him. What does that mean?
LOW INTEREST LEVEL!
Read on...
READER'S QUESTION
Hey Doc,
I’m on my third reading of “The System” and I cannot tell you how much this book has helped me out, so thanks for producing such a gem. I am 27 years old by the way and still learning.
I met Kara at work. She’s 22 and was assigned to my team (I’m the leader) for some projects. I thought she was cute, but not what I would typically go for, so my interest was not that high and it was easy to be a Challenge. From the beginning Kara would laugh at all my jokes and could not stop giggling when with me.
But after a while I noticed that she started to behave strangely. After flirting heavily, she would then tell me how she had met a nice guy. I began to think that maybe she was trying to make me jealous. I made the mistake of foolishly touching her hand while it was on her mouse and she flinched and moved away. Then she started to be a bit difficult. When discussing a business problem, she would snap at me and try to be argumentative. However, right afterwards she would again laugh at my jokes and initiated physical contact.
I became very confused by all this. Then we were put on different projects and only recently met again after a six-week interruption. When I told her we were working together again, she was overjoyed. At this point, I thought I was in a good position to ask her out for a date. However, while Kara would laugh and giggle when with me, she also would not stop being difficult and snapping at me. Yet again she brushed up against me, however. Would a woman do these things by accident? I think that if she had lost interest, she would be very careful NOT to initiate any contact whatsoever.
While she has acted nasty towards me, Kara has also been generally interested in me and my family and would question me and give details about her friends and family. I told her that I had been thinking of moving abroad last summer, but had changed my mind for now; she said I should go for it. Was this a sign of low interest?
I have started to fall in love with Kara without even going out on a date with her yet. But I am troubled. Why does she constantly challenge, snap and try to argue with me, including in front of others? If I ask her out, what’s the best way to do it? We work together, and I already have her phone number.
Kiefer - who is confused by her inconsistency
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DOC'S ANSWER
Hi Kiefer,
First of all, notice that because you weren’t so physically attracted to Kara at first it helped you to be a natural Challenge, which is good.
But the real trick is to be able to do the same thing when your Interest Level is in the 80s!
Then Kara told you that she met a nice guy. To you Psych majors, when she flirts with you, then talks about meeting a nice guy, this is INCONSISTENT BEHAVIOR. And what it means is that Kara is a loon.
Do you really want to be involved with a loon? Hey, she’s only 22 years young. And if you’ve read my book, you know what I say about females from the age of 18 to 22 (like guys that age they are not ready - generally speaking - for a long-term relationship - they could be great in the military, career, etc. - but understandably they are not ready to commit to one partner for life).
Why would you think that Kara is trying to make you jealous? You have no ground to stand on here, Kiefer. You’re reaching for something that doesn’t exist. Jealousy is about loss, and she’s not yours to lose and vice-versa. She’s not your girlfriend, and you’re not her boyfriend. When she flinched when you touched her, it tells you that she’s a cuckoo. And by the way, you know what “The System” says about touching.
Then she was back and forth with you like a yo-yo. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “This girl runs hot and cold.”
Again, is this what you want?
And why are you confused about her behavior? Kara is just an inconsiderate girl. But the reason she’s playing hard to get is because SHE’S JUST NOT INTERESTED in you. And since you’re her boss, she should be treating you better, Kiefer. Forget dating – you’re the leader of her group! This tells me she’s not very smart, on top of everything!
Given all of this, why would you want to ask Kara out on a date? What about all of her inconsistent behavior? What about the fields full of Red Flags? You have a short memory, man. And why are you taking for granted that a woman should be consistent? Lots of women are inconsistent, that’s no big deal. This girl just likes to run you around in circles. But she is consistent in her inconsistency. You might think she should act one way, but you’re not a psychiatrist. You don’t know what’s going on between Kara’s ears.
You shouldn’t be sharing anything about your family with Kara. You haven’t even taken her out yet!
And don’t forget that she advised you to go abroad. Think about it, pal: she loves you so much that she wants you to leave the country! What does that tell you?
You said you read my book three times, but you never once mention Kara’s Interest Level. If you’re in love with her without once going out with her, you need to go back and read my book. It hasn’t sunk in at all so far!
Kara criticizes you in front of others because she’s a nut-case. You’re not going to ask this girl out, dude. She has given you nothing but Red Flags. She’s given you no buying signals whatsoever, she displays constant inconsistent behavior, and she’s a whack-job. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Hey, what more could you want?”
And you didn’t see any of these huge problems after reading my book three times? You have a lot of work to do, Kiefer. Get to it and forget about Kara.
Remember, guys: inconsistency means low or no Interest Level.
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